On reading through some of my old writings there are a number of themes that strike a chord with me today. One that resonates most strongly with me at the moment is relationship with Deity. It’s been good to check back and evaluate my spiritual journey as it was happening some months ago, in some cases, many months, because this has allowed to me capture the essence of that journey and has enabled me to see where I want to walk in the months that lie ahead. It’s no coincidence, I am sure, that Imbolc is just around the corner! Things are starting to stir indeed.
I think my entire spiritual journey can be summarised in the title of this entry – it’s all about my relationship with Deity. Back in the days of my Christian upbringing, whilst God was portrayed as a God of love, there was a theme running parallel to this that whilst not saying “this is what you have to do in order to win God’s love”, it was saying, and very clearly, “this is the behaviour, conduct, attitude, thought processes, beliefs and lifestyle you have to mirror in order to maintain God’s love.” There was this incredibly rigid, inflexible, almost hostile, heavy and suffocating code one had to adhere to that had the result of driving any creativity, spontaneous expression, diversity or freedom right out of the door. This had the simple and sad result of creating nothing other than clones, people who all spoke, thought and acted alike, no difference, no diversity, no creativity at all. Just sameness, all stirred together with a sense of having to reach out for God.
And it’s that sense of ‘reaching out’ that is weighing heavy on me today and it is this that has caused me to write this entry today. A mental picture that remains with me from my Charismatic Christian days is of gatherings of people (and don’t get me wrong, the majority of these people were sincere, lovely people) all singing praise to their God with their hands lifted to heaven. But these hands were not just lifted, there was something desperate here, something that spoke of a desperate hunger and a need to reach out and grab something and to pull whatever it was they found back into themselves. There was a tragedy about this and it was this picture that struck me quite vividly even when I still moved in those circles. This desperate desire was something of a neurosis and it spoke of huge effort on the part of the seeker. It left me empty.
No relationship, and most especially one with the Divine, is about rules and regulations. It can’t be about an adherence to a code or religious following of some kind of dogma – this isn’t what relationship is. Relationship is dynamic, it’s real, it has energy and power, it makes things happen, it creates things, it brings things to birth, it changes things and it’s celebratory and has moments of pure ecstasy. This is relationship!
Reflecting on my path to date I have come to see that my relationship with the One Divine Life is not about this strict and inflexible system, and neither is about looking up or back, it’s about looking within. I’ve come in for some criticism in saying this, and it’s so easy to interpret my words as little more than a call to navel gazing. This isn’t what I am saying at all. What I am saying is, as Doreen Valiente was inspired to write in her Change Of The Goddess “for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.” This isn’t just about knowing how one ticks, it’s not just about a call to psychology, it’s about understanding the Mystery and wonder that lies within each one of us.
Each of us is an expression of the One Divine Life and in this each of us is divine. Within me is the very magick that birthed creation. The same energy, the same dynamic, creative relationship. It’s not about a desperate and hungry reaching out, begging to be filled by some distant God, but rather an understanding of that relationship that already is manifest within. The wonder of all this is within me. And this doesn’t exist just to make me feel better, it’s not some egotistical thing, it’s a realisation that the beginning of which brings wholeness and healing not just to individuals, but to the land, our Earth.
My path is a journey that possibly over many lifetimes will take me closer to that ecstatic embrace of the Divine. And this starts, I feel, with understanding where my place truly lies with the One Divine Life, and taking that place begins with an acknowledgement that I, as I am today, am a perfect and pleasing expression of the One Divine Life.
Sunday, 10 January 2010
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Heaven and Earth
In many ways I know little of which I speak! The Western Way is a magical path that I feel has been calling me for some time, yet I’ve been in something of a haze of confusion as I’ve been looking for a way forward. Sure, I’ve read Dion Fortune, yet at the same time I have been sure that there has been something missing in my search. I was reminded today of a quote from Dion Fortune’s book “The Goat Foot God”. Hugh Paston says:
And for me, this is my quest. I want to make and experience that true connection with the One Divine Life and for this connection to change me and those I come into contact with. What I want is spiritual in the sense that I hunger for the inner courts of reality and not the outer courts of theatre. I don’t want pretence, show, theatre, costume and pseudo-glamour, I want all that stripped away in order to get hold of that which is real and to truly experience Them in my being. I think one of the reasons I have been silent here for so long is that I have been disillusioned with the peddling of spirituality, and whilst I know that each and every one of us has a living to make, there is something cheapening about it when it is peddled by people who have simply read the right books but experienced little. And reality has to be what it is all about.
I am conscious that I am setting out my store, and in a way I already feel the pressure of that, but by the same token one does not become an initiate of the Mysteries by attending a weekend workshop, I know that this is about commitment, dedication, spiritual practice, meditation and sacrifice. Key themes that have been with me for some time. So what I am talking about here is a process rather than an event, and one that I have control over.
As I stood on Glastonbury Tor yesterday I became aware of two things:
1. That I was deeply connected to Earth, at the same time I was aware that through this connection I was drawing up fire from the very centre of Earth and this fire became the centre of me
2. That I was connected to the Stars and celestial light radiated from my head and poured into my head.
These two things are the power of connection and to, at the moment, show the first steps on what I am understanding as the Western Mystery Tradition. There are two things running parallel: the deep connection to Earth with roots firmly planted in the ways and traditions of my ancestors, whilst at the same time reaching to the heavens and experiencing that deep connection with the One Divine Life. Here is a perfect union and one cannot be had without the other, the meeting of heaven and earth. This is something that I need to explore, as there is something about bring the reality of this into the Now – into my daily experience.
And here is an issue that trips me up again and again – bringing all of this into my daily working life. I’ve not cracked that as yet. On a daily basis I still see things that upset and offend me in terms of how people are treated and their humanity walked over, and increasingly, I find this impossible to accept. The actions of others have the detrimental affects upon the not only the careers of others, but also violates their human dignity, and somehow I am expected to support this in the name of progressing the organisation. This I find increasingly impossible. I feel that 2010 will be a time where, drawing on the fire that burns within me and the inspiration of my Gods I will be speaking not only my truth, but the truth, into these situations. Courage and strength, two words that were given to me by a Facebook friend yesterday, will be key in tackling this . . . and I will need them by the bucket load! It is stuff like this work situation that I allow to block my spiritual progress. I feel that it almost robs me of something. Instead I need to turn it around, and pour in to this spiritual void that is work, something of me. My true self.
I want to step away from Heaven and Earth as simply concepts, so that their reality radiates within and from me so that change is engendered, both for me, and for those who experience me in various ways as I go about my life.
I don’t want anything spiritual, it isn’t my line, I had an overdose of it at Oxford. What I want is that something vital which I feel to be somewhere in the universe, which I know I need, and which I can’t lay my hand on
And for me, this is my quest. I want to make and experience that true connection with the One Divine Life and for this connection to change me and those I come into contact with. What I want is spiritual in the sense that I hunger for the inner courts of reality and not the outer courts of theatre. I don’t want pretence, show, theatre, costume and pseudo-glamour, I want all that stripped away in order to get hold of that which is real and to truly experience Them in my being. I think one of the reasons I have been silent here for so long is that I have been disillusioned with the peddling of spirituality, and whilst I know that each and every one of us has a living to make, there is something cheapening about it when it is peddled by people who have simply read the right books but experienced little. And reality has to be what it is all about.
I am conscious that I am setting out my store, and in a way I already feel the pressure of that, but by the same token one does not become an initiate of the Mysteries by attending a weekend workshop, I know that this is about commitment, dedication, spiritual practice, meditation and sacrifice. Key themes that have been with me for some time. So what I am talking about here is a process rather than an event, and one that I have control over.
As I stood on Glastonbury Tor yesterday I became aware of two things:
1. That I was deeply connected to Earth, at the same time I was aware that through this connection I was drawing up fire from the very centre of Earth and this fire became the centre of me
2. That I was connected to the Stars and celestial light radiated from my head and poured into my head.
These two things are the power of connection and to, at the moment, show the first steps on what I am understanding as the Western Mystery Tradition. There are two things running parallel: the deep connection to Earth with roots firmly planted in the ways and traditions of my ancestors, whilst at the same time reaching to the heavens and experiencing that deep connection with the One Divine Life. Here is a perfect union and one cannot be had without the other, the meeting of heaven and earth. This is something that I need to explore, as there is something about bring the reality of this into the Now – into my daily experience.
And here is an issue that trips me up again and again – bringing all of this into my daily working life. I’ve not cracked that as yet. On a daily basis I still see things that upset and offend me in terms of how people are treated and their humanity walked over, and increasingly, I find this impossible to accept. The actions of others have the detrimental affects upon the not only the careers of others, but also violates their human dignity, and somehow I am expected to support this in the name of progressing the organisation. This I find increasingly impossible. I feel that 2010 will be a time where, drawing on the fire that burns within me and the inspiration of my Gods I will be speaking not only my truth, but the truth, into these situations. Courage and strength, two words that were given to me by a Facebook friend yesterday, will be key in tackling this . . . and I will need them by the bucket load! It is stuff like this work situation that I allow to block my spiritual progress. I feel that it almost robs me of something. Instead I need to turn it around, and pour in to this spiritual void that is work, something of me. My true self.
I want to step away from Heaven and Earth as simply concepts, so that their reality radiates within and from me so that change is engendered, both for me, and for those who experience me in various ways as I go about my life.
Saturday, 2 January 2010
The Desire Of My Heart
I’ve been wondering what title I can give this blog entry as it’s been almost a year since I’ve written anything here. All titles that came to mind appeared to me to be either sentimental, out of proportion or simply stupid. So, I shall simply write what is on my heart and see what title reveals itself from that.
This blog has always been about keeping my own personal journal, a spiritual journal because I consider myself to be a spiritual person. From all the labels that one could attribute to me, and there are many,’ spiritual’ is the one that best defines me and who I am whilst also describing where and what I want to be. It is both a description and an aspiration and the wonder and magick of that can be found in the apparent contradiction. I guess what I have just written could sound arrogant to some, but to me this is an important statement of fact that I need to get clear in my own head. I am, first and foremost, above all else, a man of Spirit. That others have joined my journey by way of making comments on this blog has been a bonus in terms of the support such comments provide, but my writing was never about engendering comments, and that, I feel, is an important boundary to emphasise, because losing that sense of perspective is one of the reasons that I’ve been away.
I need to set out why I’ve been away in order to make sense of my return to the blogosphere.
2009 was an incredibly tough year on many fronts. In terms of my own health, serious health issues for people with whom I am deeply connected, challenging situations at work and my own internal challenges provided me with the need to retreat, to regroup, to challenge what is really important to me and what it is I actually believe. Many of these issues and situations, including my own health status, remain currently unresolved. I needed to step away from this public space because it was simply that: public. To write for the sake of blogging alone would be to move away from what this blog is all about, and at times there was nothing to write, as all I could do was ‘be’. The apparent external inactivity belied the huge inner workings that were taking place.
Motivation was also a key reason why I stepped back from the blogosphere. As I have set out, this space is simply my own spiritual diary. I found that in making this a public thing there was a huge temptation to write simply for the comments of others, or to impress. Much of this was a subconscious pressure that made its way into my conscious mind and when I became aware of it, I was really uncomfortable. I was also concerned about some of the things I witnessed within the blogosphere and the damage that some of this was doing to people. I needed to retreat, to examine my own motives and be clear about them. Was this blog something of ego, or something of Spirit? To put it to death seemed to me to be the most appropriate way of exploring that issue and for that to be true and sincere, it needed to be put to death without fanfare.
So why make this thing public at all? My answer to that is simply that I want my journey to be open to the scrutiny and the support of others, whilst also supporting others on their path. Whilst my path is essentially solitary, and no one else can walk my path for me, I value the support of those spiritual people of stature that I respect. Anything I say or experience should be open to challenge as well as support, otherwise there is no growth. And growth is what I want. This was something that I had to get absolutely clear in my head because the very last thing I wanted was for this blog to become something other than what I intended. I did not want to become some kind of minor pseudo-pagan celebrity; I wanted it to be real in terms of reflecting my own spiritual journey.
I thought of opening a new blog somewhere else, and then I saw that as opposing what this space represents. All the posts that go before reflect my journey; they are all stepping stones to where I am today, so why would I want to move away from them? They are important, even those where I sound confused and bewildered, because those states are also true reflections of where I have been, and probably where I will be again!
And I think here again is a reason I retreated. Some people saw me as some kind of teacher, and I can’t set myself up as that. I’m not. I’m simply a soul in a spiritual evolutionary experience, no different, no more special or important that anyone else . . . or perhaps I should say as important as everyone else. Mutual learning is wonderful, but that is not the primary objective of this space.
I think I also began to feel an unspoken pressure to adopt some kind of formally accepted path. I can’t do that, at least, not at this moment. I am simply me working with what has been revealed to me. However, I want a formal framework upon which I can hang my journey, and I feel that is the Western Mystery Tradition, but this is a path of which I know little and need to explore and experience on a much deeper level. I set this as an intention for the forward year.
From that, some may say I cannot call myself pagan. I understand the reasoning behind that, but for the purpose of this blog, and in terms of it reflecting where I have been, and in a sense, remain, I see no reason to change the blogs title at this point.
So why am I back? Because it is time to further the internal work that is part of my spiritual evolution. By committing my thoughts, feelings, revelations, disasters, progress, joys, sadness, highs and lows to a permanent medium I see the stepping stones of my journey, like setting cat’s-eyes in a new road; they beam the way ahead as well as showing the road travelled. All that I have written, including the silent times where nothing has been written, reflect where I have been, where I am now and where I am going. All of it needs to be in the mix to be real.
Today was an important day, and one that has thrown me back into the blogosphere as I needed to document this. I fully expect to be writing here more often from here-on-in. Important because today I faced an issue that I’ve been avoiding for some time, and that is one of trust. I have shied away from words like ‘faith’ and ‘trust’ because to me they had too many echoes associated with my Christian past. But today, this was challenged.
I was standing atop Glastonbury Tor, one of the most important places in my life, and was seeking to connect with Owl, one of my power animals. To my surprise, a Swan appeared to me, and to my even greater surprise, I realised that I was being invited to climb onto the back of this bird, and the fear this engendered was tangible. To do this means to place my safety and security into the hands of another, and life has taught me that I need to be in control of me, I need to be strong, I need to be the one who decides what happens and where . . . but this was a call to faith. A call to trust. Those words that scare me the most. In an attempt to dismiss this visualisation my head began to tell me that this nothing more than a Walt Disney fantasy, but the clear impression remained, I knew this was real and I knew this was a test. I needed to take the step . . . this was a call to embrace faith and trust but in a way in which those words were not loaded with historical context.
So I stepped onto the back of this bird and experienced the immediate protection of those powerful wings. I was safe. The immense power of this bird was not lost on me, I could feel it, and I also understood and felt its fierce protection, in this respect a reflection of Sulis, my patron Goddess.
So now I know I am being taken into new things. I don’t know the destination, but I know I have accepted an invitation to travel deeper into the Mysteries, and this is the desire of my heart.
This blog has always been about keeping my own personal journal, a spiritual journal because I consider myself to be a spiritual person. From all the labels that one could attribute to me, and there are many,’ spiritual’ is the one that best defines me and who I am whilst also describing where and what I want to be. It is both a description and an aspiration and the wonder and magick of that can be found in the apparent contradiction. I guess what I have just written could sound arrogant to some, but to me this is an important statement of fact that I need to get clear in my own head. I am, first and foremost, above all else, a man of Spirit. That others have joined my journey by way of making comments on this blog has been a bonus in terms of the support such comments provide, but my writing was never about engendering comments, and that, I feel, is an important boundary to emphasise, because losing that sense of perspective is one of the reasons that I’ve been away.
I need to set out why I’ve been away in order to make sense of my return to the blogosphere.
2009 was an incredibly tough year on many fronts. In terms of my own health, serious health issues for people with whom I am deeply connected, challenging situations at work and my own internal challenges provided me with the need to retreat, to regroup, to challenge what is really important to me and what it is I actually believe. Many of these issues and situations, including my own health status, remain currently unresolved. I needed to step away from this public space because it was simply that: public. To write for the sake of blogging alone would be to move away from what this blog is all about, and at times there was nothing to write, as all I could do was ‘be’. The apparent external inactivity belied the huge inner workings that were taking place.
Motivation was also a key reason why I stepped back from the blogosphere. As I have set out, this space is simply my own spiritual diary. I found that in making this a public thing there was a huge temptation to write simply for the comments of others, or to impress. Much of this was a subconscious pressure that made its way into my conscious mind and when I became aware of it, I was really uncomfortable. I was also concerned about some of the things I witnessed within the blogosphere and the damage that some of this was doing to people. I needed to retreat, to examine my own motives and be clear about them. Was this blog something of ego, or something of Spirit? To put it to death seemed to me to be the most appropriate way of exploring that issue and for that to be true and sincere, it needed to be put to death without fanfare.
So why make this thing public at all? My answer to that is simply that I want my journey to be open to the scrutiny and the support of others, whilst also supporting others on their path. Whilst my path is essentially solitary, and no one else can walk my path for me, I value the support of those spiritual people of stature that I respect. Anything I say or experience should be open to challenge as well as support, otherwise there is no growth. And growth is what I want. This was something that I had to get absolutely clear in my head because the very last thing I wanted was for this blog to become something other than what I intended. I did not want to become some kind of minor pseudo-pagan celebrity; I wanted it to be real in terms of reflecting my own spiritual journey.
I thought of opening a new blog somewhere else, and then I saw that as opposing what this space represents. All the posts that go before reflect my journey; they are all stepping stones to where I am today, so why would I want to move away from them? They are important, even those where I sound confused and bewildered, because those states are also true reflections of where I have been, and probably where I will be again!
And I think here again is a reason I retreated. Some people saw me as some kind of teacher, and I can’t set myself up as that. I’m not. I’m simply a soul in a spiritual evolutionary experience, no different, no more special or important that anyone else . . . or perhaps I should say as important as everyone else. Mutual learning is wonderful, but that is not the primary objective of this space.
I think I also began to feel an unspoken pressure to adopt some kind of formally accepted path. I can’t do that, at least, not at this moment. I am simply me working with what has been revealed to me. However, I want a formal framework upon which I can hang my journey, and I feel that is the Western Mystery Tradition, but this is a path of which I know little and need to explore and experience on a much deeper level. I set this as an intention for the forward year.
From that, some may say I cannot call myself pagan. I understand the reasoning behind that, but for the purpose of this blog, and in terms of it reflecting where I have been, and in a sense, remain, I see no reason to change the blogs title at this point.
So why am I back? Because it is time to further the internal work that is part of my spiritual evolution. By committing my thoughts, feelings, revelations, disasters, progress, joys, sadness, highs and lows to a permanent medium I see the stepping stones of my journey, like setting cat’s-eyes in a new road; they beam the way ahead as well as showing the road travelled. All that I have written, including the silent times where nothing has been written, reflect where I have been, where I am now and where I am going. All of it needs to be in the mix to be real.
Today was an important day, and one that has thrown me back into the blogosphere as I needed to document this. I fully expect to be writing here more often from here-on-in. Important because today I faced an issue that I’ve been avoiding for some time, and that is one of trust. I have shied away from words like ‘faith’ and ‘trust’ because to me they had too many echoes associated with my Christian past. But today, this was challenged.
I was standing atop Glastonbury Tor, one of the most important places in my life, and was seeking to connect with Owl, one of my power animals. To my surprise, a Swan appeared to me, and to my even greater surprise, I realised that I was being invited to climb onto the back of this bird, and the fear this engendered was tangible. To do this means to place my safety and security into the hands of another, and life has taught me that I need to be in control of me, I need to be strong, I need to be the one who decides what happens and where . . . but this was a call to faith. A call to trust. Those words that scare me the most. In an attempt to dismiss this visualisation my head began to tell me that this nothing more than a Walt Disney fantasy, but the clear impression remained, I knew this was real and I knew this was a test. I needed to take the step . . . this was a call to embrace faith and trust but in a way in which those words were not loaded with historical context.
So I stepped onto the back of this bird and experienced the immediate protection of those powerful wings. I was safe. The immense power of this bird was not lost on me, I could feel it, and I also understood and felt its fierce protection, in this respect a reflection of Sulis, my patron Goddess.
So now I know I am being taken into new things. I don’t know the destination, but I know I have accepted an invitation to travel deeper into the Mysteries, and this is the desire of my heart.
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Body and Soul
The reality of Rootedness that I spoke of in my previous body is not some static thing but rather something that is dynamic and vital. It’s not something that imprisons or keeps one anchored in some kind of stationary or sedentary way, but rather it is an ecstatic , spiritual reality that provides a dynamic connection to a source of spiritual power. From the womb of the Mother life is conceived following transformation and this is birthed anew within. All is change and change is constant, the evolution of the soul. The fire from the core of Earth pulsates within whilst my Spirit cries to the starry heavens. And here is a tension that I have struggled to reconcile for some time, a mystery that I have not fully understood: the relationship between body and soul. If you think I am going to explain that mystery in this post, then I am going to have to disappoint! This journal is simply a journal of markers, signposts within the fog of my own spiritual journey, I don’t claim to have any answers of any great significance. All I do here is record the steps that I take, as well as my frustrations of how slow those steps are all too often.
More than once, in a variety of ways, I have questioned the relationship of body and soul. I’ve been criticised in some pagan circles over the years for what some have called being ‘too serious’ or of blurring the line between the celebration of the body and spiritual experience, but I think some of the criticisms miss the point. In understanding the relationship between body and soul one starts to understand who one truly is. Am I my body? Am I not my body? I know that I am of this body, but I am also aware that I transcend this body. There is a dynamic relationship here that I still don’t fully understand. I am of the dust of the Earth, and my body will return to this Earth, but I also know, with increasing conviction, that housed within this body is something far greater. What has bothered some of my pagan friends, over the years, is that when I start to speak in this manner is they misunderstand my comments and interpret them as Christian-esque. Trust me, with my evangelical Christian past, this has bothered me too, but nothing could be further from the truth. What I am beginning to see is that the soul within me, far from being some kind of separate entity seeking salvation in order to return to God is in fact the spark of Divinity itself, not separate from, but part of, an ever evolving expression of the Divine Mind, part of The All, my own Divinity. In many ways I know not of what I speak, yet I sense this and as I sense it I feel such a resonance within that I can’t begin to explain, which probably isn’t any help to anyone!
This can’t be some kind of intellectual exercise, it has to be something of an experience, and whilst theory is important, at the end of the day what really counts is ones own spiritual experience. Increasingly what I am seeing is as one lives dependant upon the body one is dragged into a kind of spiritual treacle that is almost impossible to move within. The body is the vehicle, but it is not the all in all. The body is important, and it is to be celebrated, but it is not the end in itself. It has a purpose, but it is not the purpose itself. Attachment to the body does not allow for spiritual evolution because such an attachment leads to a dependence upon that which is seen, whereas, weird as it sounds, the reality it actually that which is unseen. And the unseen is not some kind of airy-fairy made up candy floss fluffy superficial thing, it is pure spiritual reality and part of spiritual growth is learning to cross the bridge from this level of consciousness to that which transcends dependence upon the body, it’s senses, it’s delusions and its limitations. Yes, these are all words that I’ve read before, but slowly they seem to be falling into place at a new level, at a new depth and in a new way.
But this raises anxiety as well as excitement because I know, only too well, how I cling to this body, even though this body fails me at every turn. The frailty of my body is evident, in recent months it has failed me further, requiring to be (surgically) patched up, once again, until it fails, again, and yet still I cling to it because to do otherwise causes fear to rise within me. The existence of this fear tells me that I have further to walk across the bridge and that whilst my picture of what lies beyond the bridge is getting clearer, I’ve still yet to fully cross the threshold that separates the levels of consciousness of which I speak. And the more I cling to this body the more I will suffer because that is all this vehicle can do, ultimately. My attention needs to shift from the seen to the unseen, from the delusion of the seen to the reality of the unseen.
From my humanity to my Divinity.
More than once, in a variety of ways, I have questioned the relationship of body and soul. I’ve been criticised in some pagan circles over the years for what some have called being ‘too serious’ or of blurring the line between the celebration of the body and spiritual experience, but I think some of the criticisms miss the point. In understanding the relationship between body and soul one starts to understand who one truly is. Am I my body? Am I not my body? I know that I am of this body, but I am also aware that I transcend this body. There is a dynamic relationship here that I still don’t fully understand. I am of the dust of the Earth, and my body will return to this Earth, but I also know, with increasing conviction, that housed within this body is something far greater. What has bothered some of my pagan friends, over the years, is that when I start to speak in this manner is they misunderstand my comments and interpret them as Christian-esque. Trust me, with my evangelical Christian past, this has bothered me too, but nothing could be further from the truth. What I am beginning to see is that the soul within me, far from being some kind of separate entity seeking salvation in order to return to God is in fact the spark of Divinity itself, not separate from, but part of, an ever evolving expression of the Divine Mind, part of The All, my own Divinity. In many ways I know not of what I speak, yet I sense this and as I sense it I feel such a resonance within that I can’t begin to explain, which probably isn’t any help to anyone!
This can’t be some kind of intellectual exercise, it has to be something of an experience, and whilst theory is important, at the end of the day what really counts is ones own spiritual experience. Increasingly what I am seeing is as one lives dependant upon the body one is dragged into a kind of spiritual treacle that is almost impossible to move within. The body is the vehicle, but it is not the all in all. The body is important, and it is to be celebrated, but it is not the end in itself. It has a purpose, but it is not the purpose itself. Attachment to the body does not allow for spiritual evolution because such an attachment leads to a dependence upon that which is seen, whereas, weird as it sounds, the reality it actually that which is unseen. And the unseen is not some kind of airy-fairy made up candy floss fluffy superficial thing, it is pure spiritual reality and part of spiritual growth is learning to cross the bridge from this level of consciousness to that which transcends dependence upon the body, it’s senses, it’s delusions and its limitations. Yes, these are all words that I’ve read before, but slowly they seem to be falling into place at a new level, at a new depth and in a new way.
But this raises anxiety as well as excitement because I know, only too well, how I cling to this body, even though this body fails me at every turn. The frailty of my body is evident, in recent months it has failed me further, requiring to be (surgically) patched up, once again, until it fails, again, and yet still I cling to it because to do otherwise causes fear to rise within me. The existence of this fear tells me that I have further to walk across the bridge and that whilst my picture of what lies beyond the bridge is getting clearer, I’ve still yet to fully cross the threshold that separates the levels of consciousness of which I speak. And the more I cling to this body the more I will suffer because that is all this vehicle can do, ultimately. My attention needs to shift from the seen to the unseen, from the delusion of the seen to the reality of the unseen.
From my humanity to my Divinity.
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Rootedness
I, like you and many others I am sure, have been to countless ceremonies where one has been encouraged to visualise ones roots descending deep into the earth from the soles of ones feet. I’ve been taken through this so many times it’s almost become hackneyed, but in recent days this is something that has started to take on a greater and more powerful meaning for me. It’s starting to become real. I say starting as I feel that I am taking further steps into a deeper and more profound experience of what it means to truly be of the Earth, yet also of the celestial heavens.
We do not have to ‘get back’ to Nature because we ARE Nature! This truth is something I constantly have to remind myself of when the pressures of living in this incarnation seems to cause me to take my eye off the ball and I feel that I have lost that sense of connection. I haven’t lost it at all – the roots of Nature People are not suddenly cut off when other things rush in an attempt to seize our consciousness, any more than walking would snap them off. They are always there, travelling deep into the very heart of the Earth. And the fire that is found at the Earths core also travels through our veins. Nature, the wonder and the mystery of life, death and rebirth, this Earth, the Great Mother, is part of us and in us as we are in Her and of Her. We are from the dust of the Earth and we are touched by the hand of the One Divine Life just as all Nature is the Divine made manifest.
There is an art to being able to step back and shift ones consciousness, even whilst engaged in what seems to be the most stressful aspects of ones working life, and re-entering that area of consciousness that allows us not to reconnect, but to once again become aware of the reality of that continual connection; our rootedness. It is a constant, we just need to move into the awareness of that fact. I don’t claim to have mastered this, I don’t claim to be any kind of expert, I am just beginning to discover, however, that this is a truth that I can fully enter into. Our roots travel deep and wide into the heart of the Earth, just like a tree. We are not some flimsy seedling, we are as the most mighty of trees with roots the depth and strength of which cannot be overestimated. We are HUGE!
Yet at the same time we are filled with light from the One Divine Life, filled with the light from the One where Being comes from Unbeing. Our Higher Self can radiate from our physical eyes. From the void the One Divine Life flows into our Kingdom, this earthly, physical existence and brings life and I am filled with Divine Light. A child of Nature in my physical existence, a Son of the Gods in Spirit. My soul sings to the One Divine Life for I am of Them, yet my body celebrates and glories in being a Child of Nature. This is not a situation of conflict, but a wondrous union, a sacred mystery, a magical celebration. This is something of power. And as all Creation flows from Unbeing so I can bring into reality that which resonates with the Divine Will, for as above so below.
This is the true wonder of Oneness, of interconnectedness, and it comes from moving out of Ego into the reality of our Divine Relationship. Leaving attachment and moving into our God-Self. This is a process, an evolution, and I am a Learner in every sense of the word, yet I sense the reality of this and my intention is to move ever deeper into the truth of who I am.
My roots travel deep into the Earth, yet I am filled with Inner Light that flows from the One Divine Life and I am of and in that One Divine Life and both aspects resonate with the mystery of creation.
We do not have to ‘get back’ to Nature because we ARE Nature! This truth is something I constantly have to remind myself of when the pressures of living in this incarnation seems to cause me to take my eye off the ball and I feel that I have lost that sense of connection. I haven’t lost it at all – the roots of Nature People are not suddenly cut off when other things rush in an attempt to seize our consciousness, any more than walking would snap them off. They are always there, travelling deep into the very heart of the Earth. And the fire that is found at the Earths core also travels through our veins. Nature, the wonder and the mystery of life, death and rebirth, this Earth, the Great Mother, is part of us and in us as we are in Her and of Her. We are from the dust of the Earth and we are touched by the hand of the One Divine Life just as all Nature is the Divine made manifest.
There is an art to being able to step back and shift ones consciousness, even whilst engaged in what seems to be the most stressful aspects of ones working life, and re-entering that area of consciousness that allows us not to reconnect, but to once again become aware of the reality of that continual connection; our rootedness. It is a constant, we just need to move into the awareness of that fact. I don’t claim to have mastered this, I don’t claim to be any kind of expert, I am just beginning to discover, however, that this is a truth that I can fully enter into. Our roots travel deep and wide into the heart of the Earth, just like a tree. We are not some flimsy seedling, we are as the most mighty of trees with roots the depth and strength of which cannot be overestimated. We are HUGE!
Yet at the same time we are filled with light from the One Divine Life, filled with the light from the One where Being comes from Unbeing. Our Higher Self can radiate from our physical eyes. From the void the One Divine Life flows into our Kingdom, this earthly, physical existence and brings life and I am filled with Divine Light. A child of Nature in my physical existence, a Son of the Gods in Spirit. My soul sings to the One Divine Life for I am of Them, yet my body celebrates and glories in being a Child of Nature. This is not a situation of conflict, but a wondrous union, a sacred mystery, a magical celebration. This is something of power. And as all Creation flows from Unbeing so I can bring into reality that which resonates with the Divine Will, for as above so below.
This is the true wonder of Oneness, of interconnectedness, and it comes from moving out of Ego into the reality of our Divine Relationship. Leaving attachment and moving into our God-Self. This is a process, an evolution, and I am a Learner in every sense of the word, yet I sense the reality of this and my intention is to move ever deeper into the truth of who I am.
My roots travel deep into the Earth, yet I am filled with Inner Light that flows from the One Divine Life and I am of and in that One Divine Life and both aspects resonate with the mystery of creation.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Blissfully Unaware
A number of people I have spoken with recently have told me that they choose not to read newspapers, read news sites on the internet, watch TV news or listen to radio news as they prefer (and I use the term they used) to remain ‘blissfully unaware’. What bothered me even more was the fact that they shared this information with me with a kind of piety, as if, by being in this blissfully unaware state, they were somehow enjoying some kind of deeper, more fulfilling kind of spirituality than I could achieve, as I chose to remain up to date with current affairs. I came away from all these interactions both confused and concerned. I’ve been mulling this over now for a couple of days.
I am bothered by these comments on a number of levels, not least because if one is blissful because one chooses to bury ones head in some kind of pseudo-spiritual sand, then one should expect to have ones head cut off! This kind of attitude causes me to picture people rearranging deckchairs on an ethereal Titanic. I was also reminded of the rabbits in Richard Adams ‘Watership Down’ who thought they had a wonderful life, unaware that they were captive and being bred for the pot. I just can’t see that this is what we are called to as magical beings. We’re here to affect change, not to live in some kind of self imposed ivory tower refusing to acknowledge that change, or evolution, is required. We are the people who can affect change!
I’ve not read Dion Fortune’s ‘Magical Battle Of Britain’ but the little I have read about it leads me to believe that during one of Britain’s darkest moments she encouraged people to come together in a series of meditations with the sole aim of not just protecting the UK, but the world, from a terrible fate. Far from burying her head in the proverbial sand, she sought to lead and train people in using their spiritual and magical energy in such a way as to bring real light into the world during a time of terrible darkness. Here was a demonstration of the immense power we hold as people of spirit and how we can affect very real change when we come together with focused intent. If we are truly magical beings, then change will be a constant, both within, and without.
This has bothered me because of where Europe finds itself at the moment. In a few weeks we have the European election. In my own country, the UK, this generates very little interest, and voting apathy in this regard is well known. This bothers me because it is at times of economic recession, as well as times when people lose fath in the political and democratic process, that people turn to the more extreme political parties for answers, usually because they offer scapegoats for all the worlds ills, scapegoats that some people are willing to accept with the consequence of many minority groups suffering as a result. It is already becoming apparent within the UK that some extreme right wing parties are spending more on this European election than they have in all the others put together because they sense their opportunity to gain their first seats in the European Parliament.
Far from being blissfully unaware, people of spirit need to seeking the Divine Mind and working magically to bring about positive change. At times such as these our spiritual path cannot be something that brings gain just for the individual practitioner, but needs to be something that spills and reverberates out from this and brings positive change for all. I have a very powerful and genuine sense for the need for our spiritual practice to be used in part to send out protective energy to guard and protect our nations at what is a very vulnerable time.
This isn’t a party political post, but it is my attempt to call us all to action, whether this be in a magical sense, or in the sense of causing any European readers not to rest on your laurels, but to firstly use your vote, and to use it responsibly.
Whilst we are not in the situation Dion found herself in, let’s follow her lead, and look outward at such a time as this, as well as within.
I am bothered by these comments on a number of levels, not least because if one is blissful because one chooses to bury ones head in some kind of pseudo-spiritual sand, then one should expect to have ones head cut off! This kind of attitude causes me to picture people rearranging deckchairs on an ethereal Titanic. I was also reminded of the rabbits in Richard Adams ‘Watership Down’ who thought they had a wonderful life, unaware that they were captive and being bred for the pot. I just can’t see that this is what we are called to as magical beings. We’re here to affect change, not to live in some kind of self imposed ivory tower refusing to acknowledge that change, or evolution, is required. We are the people who can affect change!
I’ve not read Dion Fortune’s ‘Magical Battle Of Britain’ but the little I have read about it leads me to believe that during one of Britain’s darkest moments she encouraged people to come together in a series of meditations with the sole aim of not just protecting the UK, but the world, from a terrible fate. Far from burying her head in the proverbial sand, she sought to lead and train people in using their spiritual and magical energy in such a way as to bring real light into the world during a time of terrible darkness. Here was a demonstration of the immense power we hold as people of spirit and how we can affect very real change when we come together with focused intent. If we are truly magical beings, then change will be a constant, both within, and without.
This has bothered me because of where Europe finds itself at the moment. In a few weeks we have the European election. In my own country, the UK, this generates very little interest, and voting apathy in this regard is well known. This bothers me because it is at times of economic recession, as well as times when people lose fath in the political and democratic process, that people turn to the more extreme political parties for answers, usually because they offer scapegoats for all the worlds ills, scapegoats that some people are willing to accept with the consequence of many minority groups suffering as a result. It is already becoming apparent within the UK that some extreme right wing parties are spending more on this European election than they have in all the others put together because they sense their opportunity to gain their first seats in the European Parliament.
Far from being blissfully unaware, people of spirit need to seeking the Divine Mind and working magically to bring about positive change. At times such as these our spiritual path cannot be something that brings gain just for the individual practitioner, but needs to be something that spills and reverberates out from this and brings positive change for all. I have a very powerful and genuine sense for the need for our spiritual practice to be used in part to send out protective energy to guard and protect our nations at what is a very vulnerable time.
This isn’t a party political post, but it is my attempt to call us all to action, whether this be in a magical sense, or in the sense of causing any European readers not to rest on your laurels, but to firstly use your vote, and to use it responsibly.
Whilst we are not in the situation Dion found herself in, let’s follow her lead, and look outward at such a time as this, as well as within.
Sunday, 3 May 2009
The Apprentice
I hate the BBC TV programme The Apprentice. There – I’ve said it and I feel quite alone is saying so! I feel alone as it’s one of the UK’s most popular TV programmes, gaining plaudits, awards and millions of viewers and it is peddled as very much the programme to watch – but I really don’t like it. I actually find it disturbing and worrying. I’d go as far as to say that it actually offends me.
The Apprentice is one of the ever increasing number of reality television shows to hit our screens. In this programme people are set tasks by Sir Alan Sugar to test various aspects of their business acumen. Each week, the candidates are divided into two teams and Sir Alan briefs them on the new task. The team appoints a project manager and this person is responsible for leading the task. After each show, the candidate who has impressed Sir Alan the least is ‘fired’ and usually in rather humiliating fashion. The goal for each candidate is to make it through all the various tasks in order to win a six figure salary as Sir Alan’s Apprentice.
Why don’t I like the programme? Because it has the affect of bringing to the surface all the aspects of the human personality that I really struggle with. Those aspects that I feel that as spiritual beings we should be moving away from. The candidates all appear to be prepared to sell their own Grandmothers if this would secure victory. Everything within the programme plays to their own ego and their inflated opinions of themselves. When they feel they’re in trouble; that is, when they feel they are in danger of being fired, the venom that spews from their mouths and the pure hatred that is sometimes evident in their body language in order to denigrate the others is nothing short of scary. Perhaps it reminds me too much of the office politics that all too often surrounds my working day.
Yet, I watch it each week. I think I watch it to convince myself that what I don’t like about it is really what I don’t like about it! Perhaps I want to see it improve; perhaps I want to see someone actually look out for someone else. Perhaps I want to see someone demonstrate a degree of understanding of another person, perhaps I want to see someone demonstrate empathy, put someone else first, recognise another for who and what they are as opposed to seeing each and every other candidate as nothing other than a back to stab and a carcass to climb over in order to get what it is they want for themselves. They feign teamwork, but in the end the single motive is about self. In other words, there is no authenticity, no transparency, everything is false.
I guess the reason I struggle is because everything about this programme challenges my own values. Some people have labelled me as naïve because of the values I hold, but I refuse to believe that other people exist merely as a means to my own gain. It is fellowship that is important, not what someone else can do for me to make me look or feel better. We should be celebrating each other, not denigrating each other.
The Apprentice appears to further popularise the misconception that we should use force to obtain our goals, that the means justify the end result. Conflict, it would appear, is fine as it brings about selfish ends, whereas what is truly important is purification, a stripping away of all the former, in order to bring about a deeper and fuller manifestation of ones Higher Self and therefore selflessness. It’s about a laying down, which, ironically, once we fully move into this arena, brings far more worth and value than one could have ever initially realised.
Domination is a theme that runs through The Apprentice, and of course this programme simply reflects where we are as a society. It’s all about survival, it’s all about profit and gain, whereas the magickal being is called to lay down and surrender, not control and dominate. Magickal power is birthed in sacrifice.
This is what Dion Fortune refers to as the death of the personality and increasingly I am beginning to understand what it is she actually means. I don’t pretend to have arrived at this point but I see more clearly than ever just what it is that is required of me in this moment in time.
Where it will lead . . . well, that has to be another story!
The Apprentice is one of the ever increasing number of reality television shows to hit our screens. In this programme people are set tasks by Sir Alan Sugar to test various aspects of their business acumen. Each week, the candidates are divided into two teams and Sir Alan briefs them on the new task. The team appoints a project manager and this person is responsible for leading the task. After each show, the candidate who has impressed Sir Alan the least is ‘fired’ and usually in rather humiliating fashion. The goal for each candidate is to make it through all the various tasks in order to win a six figure salary as Sir Alan’s Apprentice.
Why don’t I like the programme? Because it has the affect of bringing to the surface all the aspects of the human personality that I really struggle with. Those aspects that I feel that as spiritual beings we should be moving away from. The candidates all appear to be prepared to sell their own Grandmothers if this would secure victory. Everything within the programme plays to their own ego and their inflated opinions of themselves. When they feel they’re in trouble; that is, when they feel they are in danger of being fired, the venom that spews from their mouths and the pure hatred that is sometimes evident in their body language in order to denigrate the others is nothing short of scary. Perhaps it reminds me too much of the office politics that all too often surrounds my working day.
Yet, I watch it each week. I think I watch it to convince myself that what I don’t like about it is really what I don’t like about it! Perhaps I want to see it improve; perhaps I want to see someone actually look out for someone else. Perhaps I want to see someone demonstrate a degree of understanding of another person, perhaps I want to see someone demonstrate empathy, put someone else first, recognise another for who and what they are as opposed to seeing each and every other candidate as nothing other than a back to stab and a carcass to climb over in order to get what it is they want for themselves. They feign teamwork, but in the end the single motive is about self. In other words, there is no authenticity, no transparency, everything is false.
I guess the reason I struggle is because everything about this programme challenges my own values. Some people have labelled me as naïve because of the values I hold, but I refuse to believe that other people exist merely as a means to my own gain. It is fellowship that is important, not what someone else can do for me to make me look or feel better. We should be celebrating each other, not denigrating each other.
The Apprentice appears to further popularise the misconception that we should use force to obtain our goals, that the means justify the end result. Conflict, it would appear, is fine as it brings about selfish ends, whereas what is truly important is purification, a stripping away of all the former, in order to bring about a deeper and fuller manifestation of ones Higher Self and therefore selflessness. It’s about a laying down, which, ironically, once we fully move into this arena, brings far more worth and value than one could have ever initially realised.
Domination is a theme that runs through The Apprentice, and of course this programme simply reflects where we are as a society. It’s all about survival, it’s all about profit and gain, whereas the magickal being is called to lay down and surrender, not control and dominate. Magickal power is birthed in sacrifice.
This is what Dion Fortune refers to as the death of the personality and increasingly I am beginning to understand what it is she actually means. I don’t pretend to have arrived at this point but I see more clearly than ever just what it is that is required of me in this moment in time.
Where it will lead . . . well, that has to be another story!
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