Imbolc

This is one of my most favourite times of the year. The promise of Imbolc, for me, is one of the most powerful and moving of seasons, as we celebrate the fact, the truth that nothing ever dies. Here, for me, is where the wheel of the year brings forth its promise, those first stirrings of hope, those very early signs that the pain and challenge of the Dark Season is now bringing forth its promise. Just when it felt that all was lost, that death and dark were all there ever would be, comes the very early sign that there is hope. There is life . . . that the journey has not led to death, but it has led to transformation, to change, and now here, once more, is the promise of life. Nothing really dies.

And the Dark is often terrible – but necessary. I can’t subscribe to the fluffy notion that as a spiritual person all will be love and light. It’s not all about dancing and singing. That’s not real. That’s not life and it certainly isn’t a true spiritual experience. To embrace Light is to embrace Dark. Every seed of promise has its bed in the dark and germinates in the dark and only after the process of germination does it begin to reach of the light.

It’s so easy to lose sight of our spiritual reality and to believe that what we see, touch, hear, feel and taste is all there is. We experience this temporal existence through our five senses and at times it’s easy to become fooled into thinking along these temporal lines. We become attached to the material and to the physical, however subtly, and then it’s not long before we’re projecting the temporal into some kind of superior and only reality. This is a blind alley I have walked down too many times and it’s only when I fall into the pit at the end of this alley that I realise the folly of my ways. It’s The Fools Journey.

In my experience it is the Dark that reveals the folly of this and causes me to look within, as well as up, and to see the true reality and not just that which presents itself before me each day. Gwyn ap Nudd, Keeper of the Underworld, strips away all that is pretence, all that is not needed, all that does not serve, to reveal that which is of the Higher Mind. It is impossible to fully embrace the wonder of the Light if one has not travelled with the Dark. The Dark is the place of true transformation, where one is honed and then free to burst forth into the Light, as Light. Here is the mystery, here is the wonder.

Some like to look at the Dark as evil. This is a terrible but commonplace misunderstanding. The Dark is not evil at all, rather it is part of Life, part of the mystery, and part of me. As I journey into the very womb of the Mother so I am confronted with that which is unnecessary and contrary to my own spiritual evolution. Yes, here is often pain and here is often torment, but this is not evil or bad. The pain and torment comes from me, from my own attachment and refusal to let go. The pain is about my own resistance. The Dark is all about release, liberation and freedom and a true sense of being prepared for the wonder of rebirth. It is that continual process of Little Death that leads to the wonder of continual rebirth. I cannot appreciate the true wonder of rebirth if I have not allowed that to die which no longer serves my better interest.

There is nothing fluffy about this.

There has to be Death before Life. No matter how hard I have tried to avoid this in the past, the reality of the fact comes home, and at times has had to hit me hard. There are no short cuts, no quick fixes. If I want to walk in the way of the Gods, then I have to accept that I open myself to the fires of transformation and, if I want to know the joy and release that first has its promise at Imbolc, then I need to journey through the Dark that is Samhain.

So the promise of Light at Imbolc is a celebration because to me it’s about being catapulted out into a new place. It’s also about knowing that I am part of that Light. I am a Light of the World. As I continue to journey with The Mother, so I am being transformed, part of my journey before I return to source.

Nothing really dies. We may taste terrors, we may experience pain, we may stare death in the face, but we do not die and this is the promise, the wonder of Imbolc. The cycle continues, the circle is joined, the mystery is revealed.

Goddess and God reveal the wonder of this time of year in those swelling buds, those first green shoots that we can see in our own gardens. Within us too, those shoots are growing, those intentions set in the Dark are now reaching for the Light and will, very soon, burst out of the Dark, triumphant, as they reach for the Light, toward heaven, our true home.

And I am a Light of This World, as are all who walk with the Gods and who seek initiation. We bring Light because we are Light. The Light of our Higher Self radiates from within at ever increasing levels as we walk our path.

So at Imbolc I celebrate my true reality, my true connection. I am birthed, once more, from Darkness into Light and look to the forward year of promise and growth.

Married To Amazement

By way of 'surfing' some blogs recently I came across this beautiful poem. It touched me incredibly deeply and I am posting it here for your own meditation. However, please visit the blog Conversing With Paradise where it was originally posted and let Jeff (as well as I) know how much you enjoyed it!

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse
to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measles-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Mary Oliver

Posting this may appear to be something of a cop out, but this could not be further from the truth. There is something so very powerful in the poem, the whole feeling of embracing life and running with it. For us, as Magickal Beings, we would want to take this further, to be sure, but as a springboard for journeying and meditation, I think this is wonderful.

I hope you like it too!

Initiation

. . . the work of a magician is to know and master his or her own self. The magicians task is to concentrate and manipulate the diverse forces in his or her own nature until those forces interact, disintegrate, and change to emerge reassembled and reborn. What occurs is not only a mystical experience or immediate perception of the presence of an almighty and supreme power, it is a complex rebuilding of the machinery of experience and perception itself.

I came upon this quote today which seems to encapsulate much of where I have been led in recent weeks and months. Whilst I cannot and do not consider myself to be a magician (yet!), the goal of this quote resonates deeply with me.

When I am called to 'know thyself' this really isn't a surface, self indulgent thing. It is about knowing myself in my physical body, knowing the reactions and interactions (as well as the intra-actions) of my body and senses, but it's also about something much deeper than that. It's also about knowing that I am not my body, but rather I am that which uses this body. The Spirit within me is that of the Universal Spirit - Source, that which is part of everything, in everything and is everything. This is the foundation upon which everything has been built and upon which I must also build. It's a concept which blows my mind, and in truth I don't think I've fully got my head around it as yet! However, it is something to which I am constantly being drawn, so without doubt I am being called to know and understand the profundity of this message.

The 'disintegration' part of the above quote is also interesting. This is another concept to which my mind is continually drawn. This is a process that I feel I shy away from in many ways, although I've been through it on some levels in the past. This is about another form of changing my perception - as the quote itself concludes. It's the way I see myself, my body, and consequently my ego, or talking self. It is about bringing the pillars of self down, of making that room, that space, that capacity within me that will allow the Inner Light of my Higher Self to manifest and shine from within me. I think it is a process as much as an event, but there is a personal call for me to work at a higher level on this very issue.

This leads to my rebirth, and at this time of Samhain death and rebirth are very much in the forefront of my mind. This is the rebirth of the Initiate. There is something here about really embracing Cerridwen's cauldon, of seeing myself in there, in the mix, so to speak, and being transformed as a result. Not just on a mundane day by day level, but on a true initiatory level. A letting go of the pampering and clinging to self, and an embracing of the true reality of me and what it means to be a Child of the Goddess - an Initiate.

The more I meditate upon initiation the more I see that it is not a one off event, but rather it is something like a spiral, and I spiral in and I spiral out, on this continuous cycle of initiation.

What I am after, what I am seeking is reality. I am not interested in delusion of self. I am setting my intention very clearly as this year closes and that is to open myself to Deity in a new and more profound way and to truly embrace my path and my calling. I don't fully know where this will take me and maybe I don't even fully appreciate the depth or gravity of what I am saying here, but this is the desire of my heart; to truly move into a new area of experience and depth. I seek to dance with my Gods in a close and profound way and for this to reflect itself through my own personal transformation and for this to be evident to others.

From The Inside, Out!

It was lovely to be back in my Temple Room and back into my morning spiritual practice. I didn't have that much time, just 30 minutes, but it was so good to be able to move in the presence of the Lord and Lady and to be able to feel the touch of My Guides and animal spirits. It was like coming home after some time away, a real joy to be back in warm, familiar company.

I will confess to an audible laugh when I turned 3 Tarot cards this morning. I had asked Deity for guidance on my future, for direction, for steps to take on my path toward spiritual depth revelation, and what card did I turn again? Yep, the Death card! I had to chuckle, as well groan! I thought: "haven't I done enough dying?" evidently the answer is a resounding no! As I turned the other cards they spoke of moving forward in my tradition and moving deeper into intuition, a need to hear my own inner voice above that of the hundred other voices that clamour for attention.



This was an important morning. I called to the Lord and Lady, asking for their guidance. I also called to my Guides and totems, because I needed to hear their voice. In recent months I feel that I've travelled over a very large distance, growing as taught directly by Spirit, but this morning I felt as though I had been brought back to the start once more. Clearly there is a lesson that I am not learning, there is something that I need to learn, or at least, there is something that needs to travel to a far deeper level.

I began to see the lesson that I need to learn. I saw that whilst intellect supports my path, it isn't my path. The part of me that needs to analyse everything, understand everything, know everything, simply works to feed my chattering mind. It keeps me bound to that which holds me back, it feeds the mind only. The greatest spiritual discovery comes not from a text book, not from a blog, but from my own relationship with the Divine. The communion of Spirit with spirit. Yes, the words, traditions and experiences of others are vitally important, and my path is based upon a sound tradition and the knowledge of others feeds and nourishes my own progress and development, but there is much more than that. The heart, the centre, is my own spiritual relationship and interconnection with all things. My confidence needs to be in my own spiritual connection and the revelation that emanates from that dynamic connection.

I mistrust my own experience at times because of the criticism of others and because of my own lack of confidence in myself. I am apt to put myself down. This morning I saw that I need to have a greater confidence in my own experience and develop a trust in the gifts that I have. Believing in my intuition, believing in my own spiritual heritage, and trusting my own experience of the Divine. To put myself down is to deny Their faith in me.

This is a continuance of letting go of the false labels that have been attributed to me in the mundane world, but I also saw that whilst I am free of those things, I've been given the tools to set myself free. This is a work that comes from within, a work that results from me using the gifts I have been given - a spiritual empowerment that works from the inside, out. It's time I believed in me as much as the Lord and Lady believe in me!

I felt the call of the Lord and Lady, asking me to deeper my connection with them, and also with my Guides and totems. A time of journeying to meet them on a deeper level awaits, to build upon this relationship and to experience them. I saw one of my Guides, just briefly this morning, and I was dancing with her, but I was a child, a free child. I've always sensed this Guide as a Mother figure, and I saw her as such this morning. All of this seems to speak to me of walking away from fear - one of my biggest hurdles, and moving into this relationship of trust that means trust self as much as the Divine.

A Tough Day

It was my Aunt's funeral today. It broke my heart, seeing my cousins so upset. I was aware of that awful sense of powerlessness when you see someone so dreadfully upset and you just know that in a practical sense there's little you can do. I could just show that I was there for them, that I loved them, and both physically and spiritually, I could hold them. And I am holding them in my spirit. I could feel love and healing flowing from me as I hugged them - I hope that's what they received.

Seeing family that I've not seen for so long was both strange and wonderful, strange in that I think I forget the passing of time. I get so caught up in 'doing my life' that I forget time is moving on. I know that sounds daft, because we all know it is, the stark reality of this stares me in the face every morning as I shave, but meeting people today I've not seen for some considerable time drove the message home with even more force today! One second-cousin I saw today was a child when I last saw him, today I learned that he's a helicopter pilot! Blimey! It was wonderful in that I was so aware that I loved these people. I've not seen them in so many years, and I don't know when I'll see them again, but there was that lovely feeling of belonging. I know we have our lives to 'do' and live, and our lives are very different, very different indeed, but I so wish we would also meet for happier times as well!

Being back in a Church was strange. I struggled with the Christian hymns and prayers and it seemed weird to be back in that kind of environment. I didn't enter into the prayers, instead I quietly meditated, wished my Aunt safe passage, and sent healing and love to my family members, my cousins, my father, her other brother and her husband of 58 years. Losing a partner after so long is something I can't really get my head around.

So a tough day, I feel emotionally and physically drained, my heart and my love continue to flow to my family and to my Aunt I wish safe passage.

Soul Reunion

This quote struck me quite profoundly today ". . . death itself is an ecstasy like love, but more intense, the reunion of the soul with its true self."

I'm sure pages have been written about such a statement, as the depth of this comment, the profundity of it, is not lost on me. In death we are reunited with Goddess and God, once again whole, as we were before we entered into this incarnation. We are returned to that place of love, that place of power as love that was once divided is here, once again, complete. This life is, in effect, a journey, a path, a longing even, to return to that place from whence we came and, as such, in this life, as much as in death and then rebirth, can we commence that journey of becoming who we really are, returning to who we were intended to be, before name and form. Our experience of life has caused us to adapt, to change, because this is how we survive the mundane, the day to day living, yet as we continue to do this day after day, year after year, we loose connection not only with Source, but also with who we truly are. Spiritual practice, our spiritual journey, brings us to a place where we are able to re-establish that connection with the Lord and Lady. She of the starry heavens, He of the Wildwood, our First Parents, Goddess and God who gave us life. Here, in whatever form our spiritual practice takes, as our connection is deepened with Divinity, so our connection is made with Self, our true Self. We begin to become who we were always intended to be, that journey of returning is commenced.