Naked

I saw today that my need to control is like putting on a suit of armour - it's a protection. As well as concealing the wounds inflicted at various stages of my life through various methods and means, it enables me to hide. However, as well as providing protection this suit of armour keeps others out. It also limits energy flow, it hinders spiritual growth because I don't stand naked before the Lord and Lady and as a result, it's not the full me, the complete me, the true me, that I present before them.

This armour also works to hinder my vision, it restricts my view. It only allows me to see straight ahead, as through a tunnel, missing those subtle, gentle things that take place on the periphery. A brief journey this morning took me through a field, but the grass was high, I couldn't see over it - yet there was a path through this field. I came to a stream and there was no way over, yet a little further along, there was a bridge that provided safe passage. Each difficult moment had a solution in the Now, at the moment it was needed. I'm never alone.

In their kind replies to recent posts, Paul spoke about letting Goddess take one by the hand as one steps into the dark, and this describes my feelings of the moment perfectly. Shepton Witch spoke about trusting in ones self and ones personal relationship with the Divine as being the most important thing, and again, this describes perfectly the place I find myself. I know that, once again, it's time to step into the dark, to embark on another phase, another part of my spiritual journey with the Lord and Lady, and this phase is about a challenge of my trust, both in myself, and of the One Divine Life. It's a stepping into the darkness, a kind of abandonment to the Lord and Lady, taking my hands off the steering wheel and allowing Them to lead, guide, direct and show the way. A shedding of the doubts and fears that are associated with the senses and the temporal, and an embracing of perfect love and perfect trust. It all sounds so easy, doesn't it?!? I think here is another process, rather than an event. Perhaps it's a series of 'little events', just as there are a series of 'little deaths' that together combine to make the spiritual journey just that, a journey, a path that has to be travelled.

The process that lies before me has been one that has been gently building over recent weeks and in many ways it's a process that has already begun. It's about taking each piece of armour off, piece by piece, examining it, understanding it, appreciating why it is there, but then setting it down. Taking it off and leaving it off, until I stand, truly naked, before Goddess and God - and in this nakedness is my true wholeness. Standing stripped of everything that I have built around me as a source of projection I find completeness and freedom.

Spiritual Reality

I turned over 3 tarot cards in my meditation this morning, and all three carry a similar message. The message is one of testing and making sure that my spiritual experience is based on reality, on truth. The cards are warning of trusting an illusion, of placing my faith and confidence on something that is less than substantial, there is also a warning of fooling myself, of believing that I've had some kind of spiritual experience, when in fact, I've not. Rather sobering, first thing in the morning, I have to say! It was difficult not to come back down to earth with an almighty thud!

I began to read the cards in the context of where Spirit has been taking me in recent weeks. It's been a tough journey of late, a time of being frank and honest with myself and being brave enough to face up to myself. I've been dropping the mask, being real, letting go, allowing 'little deaths' to take place and to embrace the truth of me as seen through the eyes of the Lord and Lady.

In this context, I see the cards of this morning as reinforcing my need to check out what is presented to me for its worth, for its truth, for its value, before I embrace it. Just as I need to be clear about my own motives, so I need to be clear on the motives of those who present things to me, and of the substance of those things that are actually presented to me. I can't afford to be a spiritual goldfish, swallowing everything that is offered.

I have no desire to be a 'fluffy bunny'. I do not want to be someone who sees only love and light, someone who dances solely on the mountains and falls apart when one has to spend some time in the valley. I embrace and accept my dark side, along that of my light, both are equally part of me and both are equally valid. I don't want to be the kind Pagan who buys 'off the shelf spells' and refuses to accept that there's an inner work that needs to take place, or the sort who bulks at any suggestion that spiritual progress demands effort and dedication. I want to give myself to the work, to the Craft.

It's impossible to ignore that the focus for now is on my inner self, my inner landscape - getting it right, getting it sound. I seem to be constantly directed back to securing that foundation, and now it's about being honest as to where I place my confidence and trust. I work hard in the mundane world and my material life is comfortable, I can't deny that. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable about that, sometimes I don't even like it that much, but I think now I'm being asked if this is where I place my confidence and trust. It could vanish over night, my job could go tomorrow, it's more than possible - where would I be then? It's a question of foundation, of being authentic and genuine about that which I build upon. I can pontificate for all I'm worth, but where is my spiritual life at when the rubber hits the road? Where is my confidence, faith and trust based, really?

If all I am building is illusion, it isn't going to get me or others anywhere and I want my spiritual experience to benefit others in a real way. I don't want illusion, and I don't want my spiritual life to just be a bolt-on, simply just a cherry on the cake, I want spiritual reality. I want to fully know the Lord and Lady, just as they know me.