Firstly, I genuinely want to thank each and every one of you who has sent messages of support in recent weeks, either here on my blog, via Facebook or directly in email. The encouragement and hope that I have experienced through your support and kindness has been immeasurable and my thanks and gratitude are heartfelt. You have shown, in your kind words, the truth that within each of us there is that Divine Spark and that through this we are all truly connected. When one hurts, we know and we respond by way of reaching out in love. This is not some fluffy sentimental thing, but a powerful demonstration of the love that flows from the One Divine Life. You have shown that to me in some measure, and for that I thank you.
I’m sat here at my PC writing this post in Word in font 26 and then I’ll copy and paste it into my blog – I just hope that works! I actually can’t even see this font size with any clarity as yet, so I hope that what I am typing actually makes some kind of sense! I am sorry, but as yet I am not in a physical position where I can read or respond to your blogs. I think it will be the end of April before I am able to do so. Please don’t think I’m ignoring you, I’m just not able to physically read at the moment.
Not being able to read or write following my eye surgery has been something of a frustration to say the least, this severe limitation upon my day to day living has thrown me upon others in a way that has deeply challenged my need for independence. My partner could not have been any more supportive, he’s been loving and wonderful, but whilst this has been a joy for me, it has also been something of a challenge. Allowing someone to do something for you, however basic that thing may be, starts from believing that you are worthy of ‘doing for’, if that makes any sense. And herein lies one of the lessons that I’ve been learning in recent weeks – an age old lesson that keeps coming back to me in various ways and in various degrees; one of truly believing my own self worth. Accepting and embracing my intrinsic value, believing that I am worthy of love, love from others, and love from the Divine. It’s a lesson that I thought I had learned many years ago, but I’ve seen that it’s actually one that we go on learning through our experience of this incarnation, and as we go on learning it so it travels deeper into our conscious and deeper in our soul, taking our soul ever forward on its evolutionary journey.
I am loved. Say it. Say it out loud. Look at your reflection in a mirror and say it out loud. Do you believe it? I have come to see, yet again, that I am indeed loved and held in the palm of the hand of the Divine. I am learning to trust that love and to move in the power of that love, to allow that vibrant energy to truly course through my veins and to move in the truth of what it means. Being catapulted into this however momentary experience of dependence has shown me, by way of the sudden and abrupt removal of many of my everyday supports and crutches that I can trust myself to the One Divine Life and that this One Divine Life truly manifests within me and surrounds me.
This realisation has come by way of struggle, resistance and fight! There were indeed things – thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behaviour patterns, call them what you will, that were holding me in a position of restriction, holding me back from my own spiritual growth and development and through having so much that I take for granted on a day by day basis removed, I was forced to look at things anew, and to allow a greater work to take place within me. I am in a far more secure place in terms of my relationship with the Divine as a result of truly waking up to the fact that the greatest limitations and restrictions I place upon myself exist in my own mind and heart. These can present as old concepts, ideas and practices that when unchallenged keep us in some kind of false place. I am starting to challenge many of these things. I can connect with all the powers within the universe, indeed, all the powers of the universe exist within me, so there are no limitations, there are no restrictions. I am now on a journey of truly moving into the realisation of this truth. It will be a lifetimes journey, I am sure, one of continual revelation, realisation and experience, a continual unfolding of truth and deeper truth, and one that will take me to many new places, much of which I will share here over time.
So this period of time has been one of a profound growing experience. It is one that has seen me travel to a very dark and depressed place, but one that has seen me rise up from there renewed, refreshed, challenged, and eager to move on spiritually in a very real and meaningful way.
I seek to grow and develop as a man of Spirit and as a man of Magick. I seek to deepen my connection with the One Divine Life by following the path that is right for me and through this commitment to deepen and intensify my relationship with the Divine. To know even as I am fully known. The Western Mystery Tradition continues to open up before me as the right path to follow, but I can’t claim to fully understand or appreciate all that this means at this moment in time. All I can do is respond to the call of the One Divine Life and place my feet one step in front the other as I move forward into a new place and a new experience.
May all beings be happy!
May all beings be joyful!
May all beings be in peace!
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
I've been away from my blog for a little while as I am having some health problems. Regular readers here will know that I have no sight in my left eye, and this has been the case for 23 years. I am now experiencing problems with my right eye,and this is making viewing the computer monitor very difficult. The treatment for my current problem is cataract surgery, which is a fairly low risk operation. Whilst the risks are low, in my position any damage to my right eye is obviously very serious indeed. I have to confess to being apprehensive. I would appreciate your thoughts, prayers, rituals, magick and candle lighting. My operation is on Monday 9 March, 1200 GMT. Please think of me. I will get back to this blog as soon as I am able to see!