The reality of Rootedness that I spoke of in my previous body is not some static thing but rather something that is dynamic and vital. It’s not something that imprisons or keeps one anchored in some kind of stationary or sedentary way, but rather it is an ecstatic , spiritual reality that provides a dynamic connection to a source of spiritual power. From the womb of the Mother life is conceived following transformation and this is birthed anew within. All is change and change is constant, the evolution of the soul. The fire from the core of Earth pulsates within whilst my Spirit cries to the starry heavens. And here is a tension that I have struggled to reconcile for some time, a mystery that I have not fully understood: the relationship between body and soul. If you think I am going to explain that mystery in this post, then I am going to have to disappoint! This journal is simply a journal of markers, signposts within the fog of my own spiritual journey, I don’t claim to have any answers of any great significance. All I do here is record the steps that I take, as well as my frustrations of how slow those steps are all too often.
More than once, in a variety of ways, I have questioned the relationship of body and soul. I’ve been criticised in some pagan circles over the years for what some have called being ‘too serious’ or of blurring the line between the celebration of the body and spiritual experience, but I think some of the criticisms miss the point. In understanding the relationship between body and soul one starts to understand who one truly is. Am I my body? Am I not my body? I know that I am of this body, but I am also aware that I transcend this body. There is a dynamic relationship here that I still don’t fully understand. I am of the dust of the Earth, and my body will return to this Earth, but I also know, with increasing conviction, that housed within this body is something far greater. What has bothered some of my pagan friends, over the years, is that when I start to speak in this manner is they misunderstand my comments and interpret them as Christian-esque. Trust me, with my evangelical Christian past, this has bothered me too, but nothing could be further from the truth. What I am beginning to see is that the soul within me, far from being some kind of separate entity seeking salvation in order to return to God is in fact the spark of Divinity itself, not separate from, but part of, an ever evolving expression of the Divine Mind, part of The All, my own Divinity. In many ways I know not of what I speak, yet I sense this and as I sense it I feel such a resonance within that I can’t begin to explain, which probably isn’t any help to anyone!
This can’t be some kind of intellectual exercise, it has to be something of an experience, and whilst theory is important, at the end of the day what really counts is ones own spiritual experience. Increasingly what I am seeing is as one lives dependant upon the body one is dragged into a kind of spiritual treacle that is almost impossible to move within. The body is the vehicle, but it is not the all in all. The body is important, and it is to be celebrated, but it is not the end in itself. It has a purpose, but it is not the purpose itself. Attachment to the body does not allow for spiritual evolution because such an attachment leads to a dependence upon that which is seen, whereas, weird as it sounds, the reality it actually that which is unseen. And the unseen is not some kind of airy-fairy made up candy floss fluffy superficial thing, it is pure spiritual reality and part of spiritual growth is learning to cross the bridge from this level of consciousness to that which transcends dependence upon the body, it’s senses, it’s delusions and its limitations. Yes, these are all words that I’ve read before, but slowly they seem to be falling into place at a new level, at a new depth and in a new way.
But this raises anxiety as well as excitement because I know, only too well, how I cling to this body, even though this body fails me at every turn. The frailty of my body is evident, in recent months it has failed me further, requiring to be (surgically) patched up, once again, until it fails, again, and yet still I cling to it because to do otherwise causes fear to rise within me. The existence of this fear tells me that I have further to walk across the bridge and that whilst my picture of what lies beyond the bridge is getting clearer, I’ve still yet to fully cross the threshold that separates the levels of consciousness of which I speak. And the more I cling to this body the more I will suffer because that is all this vehicle can do, ultimately. My attention needs to shift from the seen to the unseen, from the delusion of the seen to the reality of the unseen.
From my humanity to my Divinity.
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Rootedness
I, like you and many others I am sure, have been to countless ceremonies where one has been encouraged to visualise ones roots descending deep into the earth from the soles of ones feet. I’ve been taken through this so many times it’s almost become hackneyed, but in recent days this is something that has started to take on a greater and more powerful meaning for me. It’s starting to become real. I say starting as I feel that I am taking further steps into a deeper and more profound experience of what it means to truly be of the Earth, yet also of the celestial heavens.
We do not have to ‘get back’ to Nature because we ARE Nature! This truth is something I constantly have to remind myself of when the pressures of living in this incarnation seems to cause me to take my eye off the ball and I feel that I have lost that sense of connection. I haven’t lost it at all – the roots of Nature People are not suddenly cut off when other things rush in an attempt to seize our consciousness, any more than walking would snap them off. They are always there, travelling deep into the very heart of the Earth. And the fire that is found at the Earths core also travels through our veins. Nature, the wonder and the mystery of life, death and rebirth, this Earth, the Great Mother, is part of us and in us as we are in Her and of Her. We are from the dust of the Earth and we are touched by the hand of the One Divine Life just as all Nature is the Divine made manifest.
There is an art to being able to step back and shift ones consciousness, even whilst engaged in what seems to be the most stressful aspects of ones working life, and re-entering that area of consciousness that allows us not to reconnect, but to once again become aware of the reality of that continual connection; our rootedness. It is a constant, we just need to move into the awareness of that fact. I don’t claim to have mastered this, I don’t claim to be any kind of expert, I am just beginning to discover, however, that this is a truth that I can fully enter into. Our roots travel deep and wide into the heart of the Earth, just like a tree. We are not some flimsy seedling, we are as the most mighty of trees with roots the depth and strength of which cannot be overestimated. We are HUGE!
Yet at the same time we are filled with light from the One Divine Life, filled with the light from the One where Being comes from Unbeing. Our Higher Self can radiate from our physical eyes. From the void the One Divine Life flows into our Kingdom, this earthly, physical existence and brings life and I am filled with Divine Light. A child of Nature in my physical existence, a Son of the Gods in Spirit. My soul sings to the One Divine Life for I am of Them, yet my body celebrates and glories in being a Child of Nature. This is not a situation of conflict, but a wondrous union, a sacred mystery, a magical celebration. This is something of power. And as all Creation flows from Unbeing so I can bring into reality that which resonates with the Divine Will, for as above so below.
This is the true wonder of Oneness, of interconnectedness, and it comes from moving out of Ego into the reality of our Divine Relationship. Leaving attachment and moving into our God-Self. This is a process, an evolution, and I am a Learner in every sense of the word, yet I sense the reality of this and my intention is to move ever deeper into the truth of who I am.
My roots travel deep into the Earth, yet I am filled with Inner Light that flows from the One Divine Life and I am of and in that One Divine Life and both aspects resonate with the mystery of creation.
We do not have to ‘get back’ to Nature because we ARE Nature! This truth is something I constantly have to remind myself of when the pressures of living in this incarnation seems to cause me to take my eye off the ball and I feel that I have lost that sense of connection. I haven’t lost it at all – the roots of Nature People are not suddenly cut off when other things rush in an attempt to seize our consciousness, any more than walking would snap them off. They are always there, travelling deep into the very heart of the Earth. And the fire that is found at the Earths core also travels through our veins. Nature, the wonder and the mystery of life, death and rebirth, this Earth, the Great Mother, is part of us and in us as we are in Her and of Her. We are from the dust of the Earth and we are touched by the hand of the One Divine Life just as all Nature is the Divine made manifest.
There is an art to being able to step back and shift ones consciousness, even whilst engaged in what seems to be the most stressful aspects of ones working life, and re-entering that area of consciousness that allows us not to reconnect, but to once again become aware of the reality of that continual connection; our rootedness. It is a constant, we just need to move into the awareness of that fact. I don’t claim to have mastered this, I don’t claim to be any kind of expert, I am just beginning to discover, however, that this is a truth that I can fully enter into. Our roots travel deep and wide into the heart of the Earth, just like a tree. We are not some flimsy seedling, we are as the most mighty of trees with roots the depth and strength of which cannot be overestimated. We are HUGE!
Yet at the same time we are filled with light from the One Divine Life, filled with the light from the One where Being comes from Unbeing. Our Higher Self can radiate from our physical eyes. From the void the One Divine Life flows into our Kingdom, this earthly, physical existence and brings life and I am filled with Divine Light. A child of Nature in my physical existence, a Son of the Gods in Spirit. My soul sings to the One Divine Life for I am of Them, yet my body celebrates and glories in being a Child of Nature. This is not a situation of conflict, but a wondrous union, a sacred mystery, a magical celebration. This is something of power. And as all Creation flows from Unbeing so I can bring into reality that which resonates with the Divine Will, for as above so below.
This is the true wonder of Oneness, of interconnectedness, and it comes from moving out of Ego into the reality of our Divine Relationship. Leaving attachment and moving into our God-Self. This is a process, an evolution, and I am a Learner in every sense of the word, yet I sense the reality of this and my intention is to move ever deeper into the truth of who I am.
My roots travel deep into the Earth, yet I am filled with Inner Light that flows from the One Divine Life and I am of and in that One Divine Life and both aspects resonate with the mystery of creation.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Blissfully Unaware
A number of people I have spoken with recently have told me that they choose not to read newspapers, read news sites on the internet, watch TV news or listen to radio news as they prefer (and I use the term they used) to remain ‘blissfully unaware’. What bothered me even more was the fact that they shared this information with me with a kind of piety, as if, by being in this blissfully unaware state, they were somehow enjoying some kind of deeper, more fulfilling kind of spirituality than I could achieve, as I chose to remain up to date with current affairs. I came away from all these interactions both confused and concerned. I’ve been mulling this over now for a couple of days.
I am bothered by these comments on a number of levels, not least because if one is blissful because one chooses to bury ones head in some kind of pseudo-spiritual sand, then one should expect to have ones head cut off! This kind of attitude causes me to picture people rearranging deckchairs on an ethereal Titanic. I was also reminded of the rabbits in Richard Adams ‘Watership Down’ who thought they had a wonderful life, unaware that they were captive and being bred for the pot. I just can’t see that this is what we are called to as magical beings. We’re here to affect change, not to live in some kind of self imposed ivory tower refusing to acknowledge that change, or evolution, is required. We are the people who can affect change!
I’ve not read Dion Fortune’s ‘Magical Battle Of Britain’ but the little I have read about it leads me to believe that during one of Britain’s darkest moments she encouraged people to come together in a series of meditations with the sole aim of not just protecting the UK, but the world, from a terrible fate. Far from burying her head in the proverbial sand, she sought to lead and train people in using their spiritual and magical energy in such a way as to bring real light into the world during a time of terrible darkness. Here was a demonstration of the immense power we hold as people of spirit and how we can affect very real change when we come together with focused intent. If we are truly magical beings, then change will be a constant, both within, and without.
This has bothered me because of where Europe finds itself at the moment. In a few weeks we have the European election. In my own country, the UK, this generates very little interest, and voting apathy in this regard is well known. This bothers me because it is at times of economic recession, as well as times when people lose fath in the political and democratic process, that people turn to the more extreme political parties for answers, usually because they offer scapegoats for all the worlds ills, scapegoats that some people are willing to accept with the consequence of many minority groups suffering as a result. It is already becoming apparent within the UK that some extreme right wing parties are spending more on this European election than they have in all the others put together because they sense their opportunity to gain their first seats in the European Parliament.
Far from being blissfully unaware, people of spirit need to seeking the Divine Mind and working magically to bring about positive change. At times such as these our spiritual path cannot be something that brings gain just for the individual practitioner, but needs to be something that spills and reverberates out from this and brings positive change for all. I have a very powerful and genuine sense for the need for our spiritual practice to be used in part to send out protective energy to guard and protect our nations at what is a very vulnerable time.
This isn’t a party political post, but it is my attempt to call us all to action, whether this be in a magical sense, or in the sense of causing any European readers not to rest on your laurels, but to firstly use your vote, and to use it responsibly.
Whilst we are not in the situation Dion found herself in, let’s follow her lead, and look outward at such a time as this, as well as within.
I am bothered by these comments on a number of levels, not least because if one is blissful because one chooses to bury ones head in some kind of pseudo-spiritual sand, then one should expect to have ones head cut off! This kind of attitude causes me to picture people rearranging deckchairs on an ethereal Titanic. I was also reminded of the rabbits in Richard Adams ‘Watership Down’ who thought they had a wonderful life, unaware that they were captive and being bred for the pot. I just can’t see that this is what we are called to as magical beings. We’re here to affect change, not to live in some kind of self imposed ivory tower refusing to acknowledge that change, or evolution, is required. We are the people who can affect change!
I’ve not read Dion Fortune’s ‘Magical Battle Of Britain’ but the little I have read about it leads me to believe that during one of Britain’s darkest moments she encouraged people to come together in a series of meditations with the sole aim of not just protecting the UK, but the world, from a terrible fate. Far from burying her head in the proverbial sand, she sought to lead and train people in using their spiritual and magical energy in such a way as to bring real light into the world during a time of terrible darkness. Here was a demonstration of the immense power we hold as people of spirit and how we can affect very real change when we come together with focused intent. If we are truly magical beings, then change will be a constant, both within, and without.
This has bothered me because of where Europe finds itself at the moment. In a few weeks we have the European election. In my own country, the UK, this generates very little interest, and voting apathy in this regard is well known. This bothers me because it is at times of economic recession, as well as times when people lose fath in the political and democratic process, that people turn to the more extreme political parties for answers, usually because they offer scapegoats for all the worlds ills, scapegoats that some people are willing to accept with the consequence of many minority groups suffering as a result. It is already becoming apparent within the UK that some extreme right wing parties are spending more on this European election than they have in all the others put together because they sense their opportunity to gain their first seats in the European Parliament.
Far from being blissfully unaware, people of spirit need to seeking the Divine Mind and working magically to bring about positive change. At times such as these our spiritual path cannot be something that brings gain just for the individual practitioner, but needs to be something that spills and reverberates out from this and brings positive change for all. I have a very powerful and genuine sense for the need for our spiritual practice to be used in part to send out protective energy to guard and protect our nations at what is a very vulnerable time.
This isn’t a party political post, but it is my attempt to call us all to action, whether this be in a magical sense, or in the sense of causing any European readers not to rest on your laurels, but to firstly use your vote, and to use it responsibly.
Whilst we are not in the situation Dion found herself in, let’s follow her lead, and look outward at such a time as this, as well as within.
Sunday, 3 May 2009
The Apprentice
I hate the BBC TV programme The Apprentice. There – I’ve said it and I feel quite alone is saying so! I feel alone as it’s one of the UK’s most popular TV programmes, gaining plaudits, awards and millions of viewers and it is peddled as very much the programme to watch – but I really don’t like it. I actually find it disturbing and worrying. I’d go as far as to say that it actually offends me.
The Apprentice is one of the ever increasing number of reality television shows to hit our screens. In this programme people are set tasks by Sir Alan Sugar to test various aspects of their business acumen. Each week, the candidates are divided into two teams and Sir Alan briefs them on the new task. The team appoints a project manager and this person is responsible for leading the task. After each show, the candidate who has impressed Sir Alan the least is ‘fired’ and usually in rather humiliating fashion. The goal for each candidate is to make it through all the various tasks in order to win a six figure salary as Sir Alan’s Apprentice.
Why don’t I like the programme? Because it has the affect of bringing to the surface all the aspects of the human personality that I really struggle with. Those aspects that I feel that as spiritual beings we should be moving away from. The candidates all appear to be prepared to sell their own Grandmothers if this would secure victory. Everything within the programme plays to their own ego and their inflated opinions of themselves. When they feel they’re in trouble; that is, when they feel they are in danger of being fired, the venom that spews from their mouths and the pure hatred that is sometimes evident in their body language in order to denigrate the others is nothing short of scary. Perhaps it reminds me too much of the office politics that all too often surrounds my working day.
Yet, I watch it each week. I think I watch it to convince myself that what I don’t like about it is really what I don’t like about it! Perhaps I want to see it improve; perhaps I want to see someone actually look out for someone else. Perhaps I want to see someone demonstrate a degree of understanding of another person, perhaps I want to see someone demonstrate empathy, put someone else first, recognise another for who and what they are as opposed to seeing each and every other candidate as nothing other than a back to stab and a carcass to climb over in order to get what it is they want for themselves. They feign teamwork, but in the end the single motive is about self. In other words, there is no authenticity, no transparency, everything is false.
I guess the reason I struggle is because everything about this programme challenges my own values. Some people have labelled me as naïve because of the values I hold, but I refuse to believe that other people exist merely as a means to my own gain. It is fellowship that is important, not what someone else can do for me to make me look or feel better. We should be celebrating each other, not denigrating each other.
The Apprentice appears to further popularise the misconception that we should use force to obtain our goals, that the means justify the end result. Conflict, it would appear, is fine as it brings about selfish ends, whereas what is truly important is purification, a stripping away of all the former, in order to bring about a deeper and fuller manifestation of ones Higher Self and therefore selflessness. It’s about a laying down, which, ironically, once we fully move into this arena, brings far more worth and value than one could have ever initially realised.
Domination is a theme that runs through The Apprentice, and of course this programme simply reflects where we are as a society. It’s all about survival, it’s all about profit and gain, whereas the magickal being is called to lay down and surrender, not control and dominate. Magickal power is birthed in sacrifice.
This is what Dion Fortune refers to as the death of the personality and increasingly I am beginning to understand what it is she actually means. I don’t pretend to have arrived at this point but I see more clearly than ever just what it is that is required of me in this moment in time.
Where it will lead . . . well, that has to be another story!
The Apprentice is one of the ever increasing number of reality television shows to hit our screens. In this programme people are set tasks by Sir Alan Sugar to test various aspects of their business acumen. Each week, the candidates are divided into two teams and Sir Alan briefs them on the new task. The team appoints a project manager and this person is responsible for leading the task. After each show, the candidate who has impressed Sir Alan the least is ‘fired’ and usually in rather humiliating fashion. The goal for each candidate is to make it through all the various tasks in order to win a six figure salary as Sir Alan’s Apprentice.
Why don’t I like the programme? Because it has the affect of bringing to the surface all the aspects of the human personality that I really struggle with. Those aspects that I feel that as spiritual beings we should be moving away from. The candidates all appear to be prepared to sell their own Grandmothers if this would secure victory. Everything within the programme plays to their own ego and their inflated opinions of themselves. When they feel they’re in trouble; that is, when they feel they are in danger of being fired, the venom that spews from their mouths and the pure hatred that is sometimes evident in their body language in order to denigrate the others is nothing short of scary. Perhaps it reminds me too much of the office politics that all too often surrounds my working day.
Yet, I watch it each week. I think I watch it to convince myself that what I don’t like about it is really what I don’t like about it! Perhaps I want to see it improve; perhaps I want to see someone actually look out for someone else. Perhaps I want to see someone demonstrate a degree of understanding of another person, perhaps I want to see someone demonstrate empathy, put someone else first, recognise another for who and what they are as opposed to seeing each and every other candidate as nothing other than a back to stab and a carcass to climb over in order to get what it is they want for themselves. They feign teamwork, but in the end the single motive is about self. In other words, there is no authenticity, no transparency, everything is false.
I guess the reason I struggle is because everything about this programme challenges my own values. Some people have labelled me as naïve because of the values I hold, but I refuse to believe that other people exist merely as a means to my own gain. It is fellowship that is important, not what someone else can do for me to make me look or feel better. We should be celebrating each other, not denigrating each other.
The Apprentice appears to further popularise the misconception that we should use force to obtain our goals, that the means justify the end result. Conflict, it would appear, is fine as it brings about selfish ends, whereas what is truly important is purification, a stripping away of all the former, in order to bring about a deeper and fuller manifestation of ones Higher Self and therefore selflessness. It’s about a laying down, which, ironically, once we fully move into this arena, brings far more worth and value than one could have ever initially realised.
Domination is a theme that runs through The Apprentice, and of course this programme simply reflects where we are as a society. It’s all about survival, it’s all about profit and gain, whereas the magickal being is called to lay down and surrender, not control and dominate. Magickal power is birthed in sacrifice.
This is what Dion Fortune refers to as the death of the personality and increasingly I am beginning to understand what it is she actually means. I don’t pretend to have arrived at this point but I see more clearly than ever just what it is that is required of me in this moment in time.
Where it will lead . . . well, that has to be another story!
Thursday, 30 April 2009
Quite A Journey
Yet again it seems as though I have disappeared off the face of the earth! It's been ages since I have posted here, but that is simply because I've not been able to see to make any posts! Whilst I tried writing in large fonts in a Word document, and then copying the article to my blog, I found that even this caused me eye strain as I was not able to see the keyboard properly.
Thankfully I feel that I am now through the worst. I have new glasses and these appear to have corrected my problem with close vision. The lens that has been inserted into my eye that works has corrected my long and middle vision. My eye pressure that was way too high now appears to be within normal limits once again, indicating that it probably was a reaction to the steroid drops that were prescribed.
It's been a real journey and I will confess to having travelled to some pretty dark places during this time. I don't have the time or the energy to post about them now, but I am sure that they will inform posts I make in the future. I have been forced to face a number of shadows in my closet and I feel that I have come out of this particular journey changed. It really feels as though I have been back in that cauldron of transformation - once again!
How have these events changed me? I feel more in control of myself and feel less prone to allowing others to take over the steering wheel of my life. I feel my priorities are clearer and I feel that I have a greater strength in articulating and asserting these priorities. I feel stronger in myself and I feel I know myself better. I feel I have a better grasp on what is important and, actually, I feel as though I have less ability to suffer fools! By that I mean those who get so wound up about things that actually don't really matter! I feel like a wise old fool, and the contradiction there is important!
My recent situation whilst not life threatening has been life changing. I've felt the fear and threat of that in a very real way. However, whilst midway though this journey my best friend in all the world was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was so weird, in 24 hours my dear friend went from being well and happy to being told she had an aggressive cancerous tumour and needed major surgery. It's been like blows have been coming from all sides and I really don't know why or what all of this has been about. As you can imagine, as well as my own stuff, my dear friend's journey has also been occupying my mind and taking my energy, as this is where it has been most needed. I'm so pleased to be able to say that recent tests have revealed that there has been no spread to the cancer my friend has experienced and she is now awaiting details of all the follow up care she will need. Please keep her in your thoughts, prayers and spiritual practice.
And here I am at Beltane, a time where I long to dance with the Goddess and God and feel the real power of their love coursing through my veins, providing renewed energy to every aspect and sphere of my being. I feel in need of this in a very real way. I feel quite drained, spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I look for a time of renewal this Beltane.
Thankfully I feel that I am now through the worst. I have new glasses and these appear to have corrected my problem with close vision. The lens that has been inserted into my eye that works has corrected my long and middle vision. My eye pressure that was way too high now appears to be within normal limits once again, indicating that it probably was a reaction to the steroid drops that were prescribed.
It's been a real journey and I will confess to having travelled to some pretty dark places during this time. I don't have the time or the energy to post about them now, but I am sure that they will inform posts I make in the future. I have been forced to face a number of shadows in my closet and I feel that I have come out of this particular journey changed. It really feels as though I have been back in that cauldron of transformation - once again!
How have these events changed me? I feel more in control of myself and feel less prone to allowing others to take over the steering wheel of my life. I feel my priorities are clearer and I feel that I have a greater strength in articulating and asserting these priorities. I feel stronger in myself and I feel I know myself better. I feel I have a better grasp on what is important and, actually, I feel as though I have less ability to suffer fools! By that I mean those who get so wound up about things that actually don't really matter! I feel like a wise old fool, and the contradiction there is important!
My recent situation whilst not life threatening has been life changing. I've felt the fear and threat of that in a very real way. However, whilst midway though this journey my best friend in all the world was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was so weird, in 24 hours my dear friend went from being well and happy to being told she had an aggressive cancerous tumour and needed major surgery. It's been like blows have been coming from all sides and I really don't know why or what all of this has been about. As you can imagine, as well as my own stuff, my dear friend's journey has also been occupying my mind and taking my energy, as this is where it has been most needed. I'm so pleased to be able to say that recent tests have revealed that there has been no spread to the cancer my friend has experienced and she is now awaiting details of all the follow up care she will need. Please keep her in your thoughts, prayers and spiritual practice.
And here I am at Beltane, a time where I long to dance with the Goddess and God and feel the real power of their love coursing through my veins, providing renewed energy to every aspect and sphere of my being. I feel in need of this in a very real way. I feel quite drained, spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I look for a time of renewal this Beltane.
Friday, 3 April 2009
The Question of Suffering
I still have to type in font 28 and then copy and paste this into my blog – and I can’t focus on this that clearly, either! I am so sorry that this means I am currently unable to read and comment on your blogs – please don’t think me rude! Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful comments.
I have been experiencing many emotions during what I have been referring to, both ironically and humorously, as my ‘time of confinement’. However, whilst said in jest, there is also some truth in there; as ever, ‘many a true word spoken in jest’. It is true, I do feel incredibly frustrated, and I do feel confined. There is so much that I am currently unable to do and as such my frustration with self, as well as my situation, grows and as these emotions grow so does resentment. I resent the fact that this situation has been foisted upon me. (False) guilt then comes along as my situation is not life threatening and will pass in a few weeks, so who am I to be feeling these things anyway?!?
But there is learning in all this. I am now wondering where my responsibility lies in this situation. How and why did this happen? Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way whatsoever thinking ‘why me’ in some kind of melodramatic ‘poor little me’ way, but what I am wondering is; have I somehow allowed a chink in my spiritual armour or a leak in my aura to develop and grow that has allowed this to happen, and if so, what can I do about this? Is there a lesson for me to learn in all this, or should the only lesson that suffering can ever teach be how not to suffer any more? Or, as I am spirit housed in this physical vehicle for a period of time in this incarnation, is suffering of the physical vehicle inevitable as it is fragile and weak and prone to fail – or is this something one can rise above?
As you can imagine, these questions are doing my head in! However, these are questions I am pursuing as I have never been given an answer to the thorny issue of suffering that I have found satisfactory from the pagan/magickal perspective.
In my long and distant Christian past suffering was also referred to as one of the consequences of humanities fall from grace – it was a consequence of sin. I was actually told that when I lost the sight in my left eye that I “clearly had sin in my life and that I couldn’t expect God to heal until the sin was dealt with and removed.” You can, I am sure, imagine how such a comment affected a 23 year old coming to terms with such a loss at such a tender age. This only added to my sense of guilt at being gay, as it felt that it had to be this fact that was preventing God from healing me. Whilst I moved in these Christian circles I saw many, many people in the most desperate and even life threatening situations come forward for healing, and leave as sick as they arrived, but with condemnation, guilt and rejection added to their issues and problems because, as it would have seemed to them, God chose not to respond to the cry of their heart. In my own personal experience I went through a period of profound depression as it seemed to me that the God who at the time I believed to be the creator of the Universe, who I thought I had a personal relationship with, had chosen to reject me. Being rejected by the creator of the universe takes some getting over!
Clearly, this was not the case and obviously I have moved on from something that happened 23 years ago – but you get my point. Christianity offers an answer to the question of suffering, unsatisfactory as it may be.
Buddhism teaches that all is suffering, that existence itself is suffering and that this is caused by desire and attachment. The Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eight-Fold Path deal with this, I over simplify, I accept this, however, what I am simply attempting to show is that Buddhism places suffering at the very heart of its teaching.
So, as a Magickal Being, how do I respond to the very real issue of suffering? As I deepen my relationship with Source so I enable the Divine to operate more actively and positively in my life. This isn’t about sin at all, rather it is about exploring the inner planes more fully and deeply and experiencing the manifestation of the Divine within me at ever increasing levels of reality. As my Higher Self manifests, can there be room for suffering?
Clearly there can. Leading occultists whom I have the deepest and most sincere respect for have died through contracting serious disease. Is this a reflection upon their spiritual development? I think not! To think otherwise is to imply judgement, and I don’t see how that is appropriate or necessary.
So what is the answer? Why is suffering so evident? How is it possible to have ones Higher Self manifest and then contract disease that threatens ones physical existence? Women and men of spirit, down through the ages, have cried out to their Gods with this question and it would seem there are as many answers as there are people asking the question. I don’t think I have an answer at the moment and I really would value the thoughts, ideas, and feelings of those further along the path than myself.
I wonder whether it really is a simple case of the divine spark within each of us being capable of a process of evolution through meditation, ritual, pathworking and encounter with Source, whilst the human vehicle is frail and susceptible to aging, pain and suffering and death as experienced by all things on this plane of existence, Suffering, it would seem, as Buddhists discovered long ago, is at the centre of everything and is maintained by our buying into dependence upon that which we experience through the limited human senses. The answer lies, it would seem, in the evolution of our soul, and our commitment and dedication to this process.
I have been experiencing many emotions during what I have been referring to, both ironically and humorously, as my ‘time of confinement’. However, whilst said in jest, there is also some truth in there; as ever, ‘many a true word spoken in jest’. It is true, I do feel incredibly frustrated, and I do feel confined. There is so much that I am currently unable to do and as such my frustration with self, as well as my situation, grows and as these emotions grow so does resentment. I resent the fact that this situation has been foisted upon me. (False) guilt then comes along as my situation is not life threatening and will pass in a few weeks, so who am I to be feeling these things anyway?!?
But there is learning in all this. I am now wondering where my responsibility lies in this situation. How and why did this happen? Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way whatsoever thinking ‘why me’ in some kind of melodramatic ‘poor little me’ way, but what I am wondering is; have I somehow allowed a chink in my spiritual armour or a leak in my aura to develop and grow that has allowed this to happen, and if so, what can I do about this? Is there a lesson for me to learn in all this, or should the only lesson that suffering can ever teach be how not to suffer any more? Or, as I am spirit housed in this physical vehicle for a period of time in this incarnation, is suffering of the physical vehicle inevitable as it is fragile and weak and prone to fail – or is this something one can rise above?
As you can imagine, these questions are doing my head in! However, these are questions I am pursuing as I have never been given an answer to the thorny issue of suffering that I have found satisfactory from the pagan/magickal perspective.
In my long and distant Christian past suffering was also referred to as one of the consequences of humanities fall from grace – it was a consequence of sin. I was actually told that when I lost the sight in my left eye that I “clearly had sin in my life and that I couldn’t expect God to heal until the sin was dealt with and removed.” You can, I am sure, imagine how such a comment affected a 23 year old coming to terms with such a loss at such a tender age. This only added to my sense of guilt at being gay, as it felt that it had to be this fact that was preventing God from healing me. Whilst I moved in these Christian circles I saw many, many people in the most desperate and even life threatening situations come forward for healing, and leave as sick as they arrived, but with condemnation, guilt and rejection added to their issues and problems because, as it would have seemed to them, God chose not to respond to the cry of their heart. In my own personal experience I went through a period of profound depression as it seemed to me that the God who at the time I believed to be the creator of the Universe, who I thought I had a personal relationship with, had chosen to reject me. Being rejected by the creator of the universe takes some getting over!
Clearly, this was not the case and obviously I have moved on from something that happened 23 years ago – but you get my point. Christianity offers an answer to the question of suffering, unsatisfactory as it may be.
Buddhism teaches that all is suffering, that existence itself is suffering and that this is caused by desire and attachment. The Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eight-Fold Path deal with this, I over simplify, I accept this, however, what I am simply attempting to show is that Buddhism places suffering at the very heart of its teaching.
So, as a Magickal Being, how do I respond to the very real issue of suffering? As I deepen my relationship with Source so I enable the Divine to operate more actively and positively in my life. This isn’t about sin at all, rather it is about exploring the inner planes more fully and deeply and experiencing the manifestation of the Divine within me at ever increasing levels of reality. As my Higher Self manifests, can there be room for suffering?
Clearly there can. Leading occultists whom I have the deepest and most sincere respect for have died through contracting serious disease. Is this a reflection upon their spiritual development? I think not! To think otherwise is to imply judgement, and I don’t see how that is appropriate or necessary.
So what is the answer? Why is suffering so evident? How is it possible to have ones Higher Self manifest and then contract disease that threatens ones physical existence? Women and men of spirit, down through the ages, have cried out to their Gods with this question and it would seem there are as many answers as there are people asking the question. I don’t think I have an answer at the moment and I really would value the thoughts, ideas, and feelings of those further along the path than myself.
I wonder whether it really is a simple case of the divine spark within each of us being capable of a process of evolution through meditation, ritual, pathworking and encounter with Source, whilst the human vehicle is frail and susceptible to aging, pain and suffering and death as experienced by all things on this plane of existence, Suffering, it would seem, as Buddhists discovered long ago, is at the centre of everything and is maintained by our buying into dependence upon that which we experience through the limited human senses. The answer lies, it would seem, in the evolution of our soul, and our commitment and dedication to this process.
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Reflections
Firstly, I genuinely want to thank each and every one of you who has sent messages of support in recent weeks, either here on my blog, via Facebook or directly in email. The encouragement and hope that I have experienced through your support and kindness has been immeasurable and my thanks and gratitude are heartfelt. You have shown, in your kind words, the truth that within each of us there is that Divine Spark and that through this we are all truly connected. When one hurts, we know and we respond by way of reaching out in love. This is not some fluffy sentimental thing, but a powerful demonstration of the love that flows from the One Divine Life. You have shown that to me in some measure, and for that I thank you.
I’m sat here at my PC writing this post in Word in font 26 and then I’ll copy and paste it into my blog – I just hope that works! I actually can’t even see this font size with any clarity as yet, so I hope that what I am typing actually makes some kind of sense! I am sorry, but as yet I am not in a physical position where I can read or respond to your blogs. I think it will be the end of April before I am able to do so. Please don’t think I’m ignoring you, I’m just not able to physically read at the moment.
Not being able to read or write following my eye surgery has been something of a frustration to say the least, this severe limitation upon my day to day living has thrown me upon others in a way that has deeply challenged my need for independence. My partner could not have been any more supportive, he’s been loving and wonderful, but whilst this has been a joy for me, it has also been something of a challenge. Allowing someone to do something for you, however basic that thing may be, starts from believing that you are worthy of ‘doing for’, if that makes any sense. And herein lies one of the lessons that I’ve been learning in recent weeks – an age old lesson that keeps coming back to me in various ways and in various degrees; one of truly believing my own self worth. Accepting and embracing my intrinsic value, believing that I am worthy of love, love from others, and love from the Divine. It’s a lesson that I thought I had learned many years ago, but I’ve seen that it’s actually one that we go on learning through our experience of this incarnation, and as we go on learning it so it travels deeper into our conscious and deeper in our soul, taking our soul ever forward on its evolutionary journey.
I am loved. Say it. Say it out loud. Look at your reflection in a mirror and say it out loud. Do you believe it? I have come to see, yet again, that I am indeed loved and held in the palm of the hand of the Divine. I am learning to trust that love and to move in the power of that love, to allow that vibrant energy to truly course through my veins and to move in the truth of what it means. Being catapulted into this however momentary experience of dependence has shown me, by way of the sudden and abrupt removal of many of my everyday supports and crutches that I can trust myself to the One Divine Life and that this One Divine Life truly manifests within me and surrounds me.
This realisation has come by way of struggle, resistance and fight! There were indeed things – thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behaviour patterns, call them what you will, that were holding me in a position of restriction, holding me back from my own spiritual growth and development and through having so much that I take for granted on a day by day basis removed, I was forced to look at things anew, and to allow a greater work to take place within me. I am in a far more secure place in terms of my relationship with the Divine as a result of truly waking up to the fact that the greatest limitations and restrictions I place upon myself exist in my own mind and heart. These can present as old concepts, ideas and practices that when unchallenged keep us in some kind of false place. I am starting to challenge many of these things. I can connect with all the powers within the universe, indeed, all the powers of the universe exist within me, so there are no limitations, there are no restrictions. I am now on a journey of truly moving into the realisation of this truth. It will be a lifetimes journey, I am sure, one of continual revelation, realisation and experience, a continual unfolding of truth and deeper truth, and one that will take me to many new places, much of which I will share here over time.
So this period of time has been one of a profound growing experience. It is one that has seen me travel to a very dark and depressed place, but one that has seen me rise up from there renewed, refreshed, challenged, and eager to move on spiritually in a very real and meaningful way.
I seek to grow and develop as a man of Spirit and as a man of Magick. I seek to deepen my connection with the One Divine Life by following the path that is right for me and through this commitment to deepen and intensify my relationship with the Divine. To know even as I am fully known. The Western Mystery Tradition continues to open up before me as the right path to follow, but I can’t claim to fully understand or appreciate all that this means at this moment in time. All I can do is respond to the call of the One Divine Life and place my feet one step in front the other as I move forward into a new place and a new experience.
May all beings be happy!
May all beings be joyful!
May all beings be in peace!
I’m sat here at my PC writing this post in Word in font 26 and then I’ll copy and paste it into my blog – I just hope that works! I actually can’t even see this font size with any clarity as yet, so I hope that what I am typing actually makes some kind of sense! I am sorry, but as yet I am not in a physical position where I can read or respond to your blogs. I think it will be the end of April before I am able to do so. Please don’t think I’m ignoring you, I’m just not able to physically read at the moment.
Not being able to read or write following my eye surgery has been something of a frustration to say the least, this severe limitation upon my day to day living has thrown me upon others in a way that has deeply challenged my need for independence. My partner could not have been any more supportive, he’s been loving and wonderful, but whilst this has been a joy for me, it has also been something of a challenge. Allowing someone to do something for you, however basic that thing may be, starts from believing that you are worthy of ‘doing for’, if that makes any sense. And herein lies one of the lessons that I’ve been learning in recent weeks – an age old lesson that keeps coming back to me in various ways and in various degrees; one of truly believing my own self worth. Accepting and embracing my intrinsic value, believing that I am worthy of love, love from others, and love from the Divine. It’s a lesson that I thought I had learned many years ago, but I’ve seen that it’s actually one that we go on learning through our experience of this incarnation, and as we go on learning it so it travels deeper into our conscious and deeper in our soul, taking our soul ever forward on its evolutionary journey.
I am loved. Say it. Say it out loud. Look at your reflection in a mirror and say it out loud. Do you believe it? I have come to see, yet again, that I am indeed loved and held in the palm of the hand of the Divine. I am learning to trust that love and to move in the power of that love, to allow that vibrant energy to truly course through my veins and to move in the truth of what it means. Being catapulted into this however momentary experience of dependence has shown me, by way of the sudden and abrupt removal of many of my everyday supports and crutches that I can trust myself to the One Divine Life and that this One Divine Life truly manifests within me and surrounds me.
This realisation has come by way of struggle, resistance and fight! There were indeed things – thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behaviour patterns, call them what you will, that were holding me in a position of restriction, holding me back from my own spiritual growth and development and through having so much that I take for granted on a day by day basis removed, I was forced to look at things anew, and to allow a greater work to take place within me. I am in a far more secure place in terms of my relationship with the Divine as a result of truly waking up to the fact that the greatest limitations and restrictions I place upon myself exist in my own mind and heart. These can present as old concepts, ideas and practices that when unchallenged keep us in some kind of false place. I am starting to challenge many of these things. I can connect with all the powers within the universe, indeed, all the powers of the universe exist within me, so there are no limitations, there are no restrictions. I am now on a journey of truly moving into the realisation of this truth. It will be a lifetimes journey, I am sure, one of continual revelation, realisation and experience, a continual unfolding of truth and deeper truth, and one that will take me to many new places, much of which I will share here over time.
So this period of time has been one of a profound growing experience. It is one that has seen me travel to a very dark and depressed place, but one that has seen me rise up from there renewed, refreshed, challenged, and eager to move on spiritually in a very real and meaningful way.
I seek to grow and develop as a man of Spirit and as a man of Magick. I seek to deepen my connection with the One Divine Life by following the path that is right for me and through this commitment to deepen and intensify my relationship with the Divine. To know even as I am fully known. The Western Mystery Tradition continues to open up before me as the right path to follow, but I can’t claim to fully understand or appreciate all that this means at this moment in time. All I can do is respond to the call of the One Divine Life and place my feet one step in front the other as I move forward into a new place and a new experience.
May all beings be happy!
May all beings be joyful!
May all beings be in peace!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
