Sunday, 19 October 2008

Flying Beds

I have a feeling that this is going to turn into something of a self reflective ramble so it will therefore be rather disjointed. This will not surprise regular readers of this blog, but to any newbies out there, my apologies!

In a recent conversation with my sister, she reminded me how, as children, we would play what we would call ‘Flying Beds.’ This was simply a childhood fantasy, where we would imagine that our beds had secret powers and would, at our command, take us anywhere at all, by taking to the air. We would soar, far away, in our imaginations, to places and people that we would create, painting on the canvass of young minds, uninhibited and unrestricted. As I have reflected upon this I have come to appreciate the longing for freedom that I have always sensed, deep with me. This is a desire to be free from the limitations and restrictions of the physical body and a deep conviction that there is more to life than that which presents as physical matter. I’ve never been fooled into believing that all I see is all that exists.

What I have come to see, in recent months, is that this longing I felt then was the voice of my Spirit – what Dion Fortune calls the ‘immortal spirit of man’ - that part of me that is of the One Divine Life and which seeks to make that divine and eternal connection. The immortality goes two ways. This is the God/dess within me, if you like, that part of me which makes me divine and which seeks communion, meaningful relationship, with the One Divine Life. This is a hunger that has always been there, it’s something that I’ve always known, and these whispers from Spirit, to my spirit, although expressed through various traditions along my somewhat complicated spiritual journey, have always been there, even at the times in my life when my communication receptors were rather ineffective or seemingly non-operational altogether! The One Divine Life has never let me go, even when I could be seen running at full speed in the opposite direction! And trust me, that has happened!

I don’t consider myself to be particularly psychic. I don’t see the aura’s of people as they’re walking towards me in the High Street, and I hardly ever seem to remember my dreams. I rarely see visions (although I have a few times) but I do find that I have a highly tuned intuitive nature and this has often shown itself when I’ve been reading tarot for people. Somehow, I just seem to know. I’ve been working with people, using the tarot, and somehow Source has spoken directly into their lives through me, often with dramatic results. This has often worked at its most powerful when I have allowed the cards to speak directly to me, not always following the established interpretation of the card as detailed in the accompanying book. This is a gift I’ve not used for some time, and is something that I would like to see develop. However, I use the tarot a few times each week for my own personal use and I’ve always found this to be really effective and meaningful. So the tarot, for me as well as for others, has been one vehicle where I have been able to fly from the restriction and limitation of this mind and body into a different place, with positive results.

“Confusion is the beginning of wisdom” says Dr Taverner to Rhodes in the Dion Fortune book ‘The Secrets of Dr Taverner’ and I’ve been feeling that way myself in the past few days. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a negative thing, I’m not throwing my arms in the air in some kind of doubting fashion, but I do have a feeling of ‘the more I read the less I seem to know’! Does that make any sense? I think this is because I have moved from the starter to the main course! I so relate to this Fortune quote because to me it speaks of being open, honest, and transparent. No one will ever grow on their path if they assume a kind of ‘know it all’ pretence and, sadly, I have spent too much time with people of this ilk during my spiritual journey. I am in a place now where I dare to ask the questions and whilst I know I have a firm foundation, this is not where I want to remain. I’ve not come this far simply to tread water. No, I want to build upon this foundation and establish something wonderful and lasting. So I am in a place of mild confusion at the moment. I feel like a chap who has just purchased a flat pack kitchen and can’t quite work out how to bring it all together. I have all the parts I need, I have the tools in the house, somewhere, if I can get my hands on them, but I’ve not yet quite connected the tools to the appliance! I remember feeling this way when I started a new school. Everything around me looked somewhat familiar, the routines were similar, but I was also painfully aware that I was the ‘new boy’ and I simply had to get on with it. That’s how it feels right now in the sense that I know I have some serious learning to do.

I think this is because I am seeking a way of bringing magic into my pagan practice in a real and meaningful way. I have been working with my gods, working with their energy, and therefore using magic in the sense of it being a gift from my gods and flowing from their energy and vitality. For me magic has to form part of my devotional practice. The object of my magic is to bring my manhood into my Godhood, to become more like the person I was created to be, before name and form, by allowing my Higher Self to manifest within me so that it is my Higher Self who looks through my eyes. I don’t see my magic as a way of obtaining ‘things’ necessarily, but I do see it as a way of transforming myself.

“Magic is more than waving a wand” says Dr Taverner, and this is obviously not news to me. I’m done with the fluff, done with the bubble gum, candy floss ‘buy a spell off the shelf’ mentality. I’m moving on to deeper and more profound things and in many ways it scares me! I’m far more aware of what I don’t know than what I do, I also know that I am a bear of very little brain! Part of me longs for a teacher, but at the same time I am aware of how I have learned so much over the years directly from Source. And this is objective of my quest, to get ever closer to Source. I don’t want fame or riches; I simply want to know, even as I am fully known.


Cloudia said...

Aloha Andy:
What a well written piece! Very hard to discuss things beyond the scope of our earth-language. You are growing beyond any 'off the shelf' mentality. Your seriousness and anticipation echo my own, and that of many many people (I believe). The veil is thinning. Though outwardly different, both of our blogs are exploring the same emerging reality. I wanted to thank you for your blog that grows out of your effect on thw world and is an instrument of it. You are exploring Andy and Pagan wisdom. I am exploring Cloudia & Hawaiian and REIKI wisdom. I have been friends with the I Ching for 40 years - you work with tarot. We both published a foto of our cats that included our hands!
Nothing is random. We know that don;t we, though the 'mind' cannot put a pin through it.
I salute you, brother. Your magic is felt around the globe here in Waikiki......Blessings, c-

Cloudia said...

oh! Cat photos both 'blogged' yesterday, Saturday...a nice synchronicity...

Andy said...

Thank you, Cloudia, I am really touched by your comments.

Anonymous said...

If you rambled at all in this post, it was in a way that really resonated with me! I also see myself as intuitive, but being somewhat introverted and self-effacing by nature, I have rarely pushed myself to act on my intuition when it involves others. The result, I am saddened to admit, has sometimes been that I have not given help to others when it was sorely needed, and in other cases it has resulted in my arriving “late to the party” as it were, when something wonderful has been about to happen, but I am too wrapped up in myself. The older I get, the more my “inner extrovert” (?!) comes out with less effort on my part, but honestly, I feel I have a long way to go. . . Perhaps it is that small streak of extroversion developing within me that sometimes makes me long for a teacher as well. Since I work as a teacher in the mundane world, I do know the value of instruction and guidance from others, but I feel, as you do, the ongoing, deeply held desire to “get ever closer to the Source.” Finding the right teacher will be key for me, and until then I do what I can to keep learning on my own.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful, thought-provoking post!

Anonymous said...

In the face of this writing I would say you are well on your way to wisdom.

Andy said...

Great to see you again, Sabrina. Please don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that we are all on a journey, and as well as looking how far we may have to travel, we can also glance back and see how far we have come! We can celebrate the journey as well move forward. I wish you well on your path.

Beweaver, thank you, your words truly blessed me, thank you.