Yet again it seems as though I have disappeared off the face of the earth! It's been ages since I have posted here, but that is simply because I've not been able to see to make any posts! Whilst I tried writing in large fonts in a Word document, and then copying the article to my blog, I found that even this caused me eye strain as I was not able to see the keyboard properly.
Thankfully I feel that I am now through the worst. I have new glasses and these appear to have corrected my problem with close vision. The lens that has been inserted into my eye that works has corrected my long and middle vision. My eye pressure that was way too high now appears to be within normal limits once again, indicating that it probably was a reaction to the steroid drops that were prescribed.
It's been a real journey and I will confess to having travelled to some pretty dark places during this time. I don't have the time or the energy to post about them now, but I am sure that they will inform posts I make in the future. I have been forced to face a number of shadows in my closet and I feel that I have come out of this particular journey changed. It really feels as though I have been back in that cauldron of transformation - once again!
How have these events changed me? I feel more in control of myself and feel less prone to allowing others to take over the steering wheel of my life. I feel my priorities are clearer and I feel that I have a greater strength in articulating and asserting these priorities. I feel stronger in myself and I feel I know myself better. I feel I have a better grasp on what is important and, actually, I feel as though I have less ability to suffer fools! By that I mean those who get so wound up about things that actually don't really matter! I feel like a wise old fool, and the contradiction there is important!
My recent situation whilst not life threatening has been life changing. I've felt the fear and threat of that in a very real way. However, whilst midway though this journey my best friend in all the world was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was so weird, in 24 hours my dear friend went from being well and happy to being told she had an aggressive cancerous tumour and needed major surgery. It's been like blows have been coming from all sides and I really don't know why or what all of this has been about. As you can imagine, as well as my own stuff, my dear friend's journey has also been occupying my mind and taking my energy, as this is where it has been most needed. I'm so pleased to be able to say that recent tests have revealed that there has been no spread to the cancer my friend has experienced and she is now awaiting details of all the follow up care she will need. Please keep her in your thoughts, prayers and spiritual practice.
And here I am at Beltane, a time where I long to dance with the Goddess and God and feel the real power of their love coursing through my veins, providing renewed energy to every aspect and sphere of my being. I feel in need of this in a very real way. I feel quite drained, spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I look for a time of renewal this Beltane.