So much has been happening for me spiritually in recent weeks that I hardly know where to begin. However, I feel a need to try and summarise in order to place a marker here at the end of the month, and also as now I enter the phase of the waxing moon, and the things that I record here I want to see grow and develop over the weeks ahead.
I have discovered a real power and strength in embracing my Own True Will, that is, being who I truly am and embracing my own course. I have a real sense of taking up my place on the Web Of Life, and I know the vibration that I send out on this Web. My actions, and indeed inaction, affect others on the Web, just as theirs affect me. We are interconnected and interdependent. Together, the notes of our collective vibrations are the orchestra of life.
All this leads to me having a new and sustained belief in myself, a confidence and strength. This comes not from some kind of puffed up, egotistical, conceited pride, or, equally as disastrous, from some kind of false or introverted humility, but rather from a real sense of who and what I am. Believing in myself, truly moving into that place of spiritual confidence, has been a theme of this New Moon - believing in my own inner relationship. And this confidence, this embracing of my own True Will, leads me away from the supplicating "if it be thy will" of my archaic Christian past, into a new place of where I can make it happen and affect positive change.
I will be buffeted and blown about at times, my vehicle is but human flesh, but the tides that are beneath the surface are stronger than any winds that may blow above, and therefore I will stay true to my course, even if it appears that I'm travelling in the opposite direction to everyone else!
I am a Magickal Being, I am Divine, because I am of the One Divine Life, just as the One Divine Life if of me. My goal, my aim, my desire, is to truly experience and reflect that most awesome and powerful of connections. To know, even as I am fully known. I seek the true, real and powerful initiation of the manifestation of the Higher Self within me, and I know that this brings a real, deep, intimate and personal challenge.
My tarot meditations of the past two weeks have made this challenge abundantly clear. Now is the time were I have to be serious about bringing down those pillars, those constructs, those beliefs and patterns that have reinforced the illusion of self. I have bought into my own personal hype too often! I can't avoid this - I have to truly experience the path of the 'little deaths' if I am to truly experience the manifestation of Higher Self. There are no shortcuts, and I've known this forever, yet still I shy away. This can happen no more. I have to let go of those things that are contrary to my own course, those things that will only bring inner conflict, those things that are at odds to my genuine calling and my true purpose in being here. To continue with them is to only continue this sense of separation from my True Self, and my True Self is Divine.
My desire now is to bring my manhood up into my Godhood. 'I live here on earth but my race is from the starry heavens' and I want this to shift from knowledge to experience. The mighty experience of last nights New Moon ritual has underlined and emphasised this truth.
It's been an incredible couple of weeks. A couple of weeks that throws so many things up in the air, yet at the same time makes so many things so perfectly clear. I don't see an easy road ahead, but I see a road that I want to walk, a path that I do not want to avoid or sidestep, yes, it will bring growing pains, but the alternative is not worthy of my consideration.
Things are changing on a personal, professional, spiritual and magickal plane for me. All is shifting and moving, all is fluid. At the centre of this is a movement in my spiritual experience, an embracing of a more magickal aspect to my spiritual practice. I don't fully know or understand how this is going to pan out, I don't fully understand the steps I have been taking of late, but this I know: they are the right steps, they are steps of Divine initiation and they are the steps in which I wish to walk.
As ever, it's a case of watch this space!