From Reactive To Proactive

This whole sense of 'being' is a fascinating thing. Today I have been so aware of when I get 'hooked' into things, usually an angry response over something really silly. This morning it was due to the driver in front of me doing something really daft, and I could feel my hackles starting to rise. Then I was stuck behind a huge line of traffic behind a tractor, and I was worried about being late for work. As this happened, my mind was taken right back to this mornings meditation, where I was seeing just this - how I can be so reactive, and respond according to the heat of the moment, and not from this deeper place within, this place of tranquility.

I react, get hooked in, and then I am trapped in this physical response. Obviously, it's okay to get angry, one needs to show a bit of passion about things, at times, but again it's about limitation. If I do this, if I get hooked in, then I am simply reacting in a physiological sense and in a way, trapping myself into this type of 'bodily' reaction, as it were. Where I want to be is in a place beyond that, in a place where my sense of self, my sense of 'being' and my sense of 'Now' takes me beyond the need for petty reaction, where these things no longer have the power or strength to hook and draw me in, because I don't allow them that power. As soon as take the hook, it's like I've relinquished my personal power and given it away - I give power to the bait. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be reactive all the time, firing off about this, that and the other, I want to be proactive, in control, shaping my own destiny, aware of circumstances and situations and making things happen - not allowing myself to get caught up in all these things that simply don't matter.

Living in the Now is such a powerful thing, and it's a place where I want to be. It's so wonderful when I actually step into this place, it's like someone has adjusted the contrast on an old TV and the picture becomes so much clearer, much more focused, and everything looks amazing. Living in the Now is like that, everything comes into perspective, things are sharper and I'm aware of my place and connection with everything. It's moving into an entirely new realm and place of being.

I long to be able to achieve this on a more regular basis. I don't want the hassle and stress of the day to shut out the voice of the Lord and Lady and my Guides, but I am aware that I allow this to happen all too often. I get wound up and caught up in the work of the day, reacting to the emergency phone calls, the staffing issues, deadlines, budgets, targets, all that stuff, that I lose touch with my inner landscape. I am not comfortable that this happens, I want to remain in tune, to react less, to be proactive more of the time and assume the place I should be in: forming and creating my own reality, not jumping to everyone elses!

Growing in Strength

Walking ones path takes one down many twists and turns, and I spoke of blind alleys just the other day. It's easy to walk with ones eyes wide shut, and I am keen to not only have my eyes wide open, but to also know and trust my third eye - to test that which presents itself to me for spiritual authenticity. I've had my fingers burned a few times in this respect, not just spiritually, but from people claiming to be of spirit, when this clearly was not the truth at all. Spiritual discernment, intuition, all these things work together to make a person a spiritually strong and sound person and this is where I want to be. Growing in spiritual stature makes a person strong, and strong minded to boot, and I am aware of this inner strength, this powerful sense of self, growing within me the more I journey with the Gods. This inner strength comes from a growing sense of destiny, a growing awareness of Goddess and God and an ever developing sense of who I am and who I was called to be. A sense of my own true Will. It's an ever evolving relationship with Spirit, and with Self, who is Spirit!

Let's Get Serious

It's the last few days of my annual leave and come Friday I'll be moving back into the old familiar routine of work. At least I have just the one day and then the weekend, so it will be something of a gentle reintroduction, but the thought of returning causes me to feel discontent. As I've been thinking about the need to balance light and dark, earth and sky - those aspects of me that are different, yet necessary to make the whole, somehow returning to a job that increasingly is causing me to question so much on so many levels just doesn't sit comfortably. I've some deep searching to do on this one and also, I think, I need to be scaringly honest with myself and those around me. I need to be making some firm decisions, setting my intention and setting my course as opposed to being blown hither and thither. It's me who needs to be setting the direction, the course as opposed to be allowing the course to be set for me. It's a call, I think, for me get serious about my magickal work and putting the things I've been learning over the years into practice.