This whole sense of 'being' is a fascinating thing. Today I have been so aware of when I get 'hooked' into things, usually an angry response over something really silly. This morning it was due to the driver in front of me doing something really daft, and I could feel my hackles starting to rise. Then I was stuck behind a huge line of traffic behind a tractor, and I was worried about being late for work. As this happened, my mind was taken right back to this mornings meditation, where I was seeing just this - how I can be so reactive, and respond according to the heat of the moment, and not from this deeper place within, this place of tranquility.
I react, get hooked in, and then I am trapped in this physical response. Obviously, it's okay to get angry, one needs to show a bit of passion about things, at times, but again it's about limitation. If I do this, if I get hooked in, then I am simply reacting in a physiological sense and in a way, trapping myself into this type of 'bodily' reaction, as it were. Where I want to be is in a place beyond that, in a place where my sense of self, my sense of 'being' and my sense of 'Now' takes me beyond the need for petty reaction, where these things no longer have the power or strength to hook and draw me in, because I don't allow them that power. As soon as take the hook, it's like I've relinquished my personal power and given it away - I give power to the bait. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be reactive all the time, firing off about this, that and the other, I want to be proactive, in control, shaping my own destiny, aware of circumstances and situations and making things happen - not allowing myself to get caught up in all these things that simply don't matter.
Living in the Now is such a powerful thing, and it's a place where I want to be. It's so wonderful when I actually step into this place, it's like someone has adjusted the contrast on an old TV and the picture becomes so much clearer, much more focused, and everything looks amazing. Living in the Now is like that, everything comes into perspective, things are sharper and I'm aware of my place and connection with everything. It's moving into an entirely new realm and place of being.
I long to be able to achieve this on a more regular basis. I don't want the hassle and stress of the day to shut out the voice of the Lord and Lady and my Guides, but I am aware that I allow this to happen all too often. I get wound up and caught up in the work of the day, reacting to the emergency phone calls, the staffing issues, deadlines, budgets, targets, all that stuff, that I lose touch with my inner landscape. I am not comfortable that this happens, I want to remain in tune, to react less, to be proactive more of the time and assume the place I should be in: forming and creating my own reality, not jumping to everyone elses!