I Am My Own Light

The pagan path that I walk appears to be a path of 'becoming' - but not of becoming something different or new, rather it is a path of becoming truly authentically me. I've said before that it feels as though each stage that I walk, each phase that I enter, seems to take me back to who I truly am, back to who I was always intended to be, back to the very core, the very fibre of my being. It's like I journey back to discover my true self, but the Self I was always meant to be, the Self before name and form.

All life is gestated in darkness, but as it seeks to grow so it reaches for the light, and the theme of 'light' has been with me this week. What struck me, as I was calling in Fire from the south the other morning, was that I am my own light. That threw me for a moment, as it felt pretentious and it was an impression that I wasn't expecting to encounter, but the clear, sharp thought was there - "I am my own light."

As I meditated upon this, things began to become clear for me. Calling in the elements has been taking on a new power for me recently, in that I don't just call the elements in, I have a very real sense of actually becoming air, fire, water and earth as I call. This week things have moved on again, as I called in Fire, so I filled with the light of this fire. I could see, sense and experience this piercing and enveloping light, but it wasn't coming from above or below or around me, it was radiating out from within. The light was emanating from my own true self, my own true will and as I remain true my course, true to my authentic self, then I am guided by my own light, because I am part of Source, in Source and of Source, part of the One Divine Life. This is a further and significant step into the mysteries, because I am truly beginning to fathom, to comprehend, to see and understand what it means to open myself to my true birthright as a child of the Lord and Lady.

This light that was filling me must be the light of Higher Self, the light of initiation, the light of real connection to Source. At the moment I had stepped into a new place, and I can't pretend to have walked out of my Temple Room radiating light to everyone who happened to cross my path, but in that moment and time there was a connection, an experience, that hitherto I had not experienced.

I know that my roots are deep in the Underworld, the very womb of the Mother, and here my gestation takes place, here I am conceived and from here I have my true origin, my true heritage. But the womb of the Dark Mother, this place of death, life and rebirth, propels me into the light as I am born. All life reaches towards the light, and just as I am conceived in the dark, so I reach for the light. My roots in that place of transformation, my branches reaching to the light of the very heavens. As I celebrate my true connection with the All, so I Am. So my own light radiates from within. As the connection is made, so I am born, I become my true, authentic self. Someone I need to learn how to remain in this place!

And I guess this is the next step, bring that spiritual truth into physical reality as I live on this material plane.

Darkness and Light

Darkness and light. We often see light as possessing the good and the pure, with darkness being somewhat sinister and best avoided. Darkness often fills us with fear and causes us to recoil, we attribute negative characteristics to darkness, possibly because it saves us having to explore our own. We work to avoid our own darkness, keeping busy - even busy minds, to avoid staring into our own darkness. However, for as long as we avoid the necessary exploration of our darkness it is this very unexplored side that will be at the root of our behaviours, actions and interactions because it will remain our full motivating force. And, whilst that won't always be a negative thing, it will be something that has not been bought into our own consciousness.

Darkness and light is not an issue of polarity. I don't believe that they sit at opposite ends of the scale. Beauty can be found in darkness as much as in light, and good can result from darkness as much as from light. We need both. It's not about embracing one and avoiding the other, it's not about running towards one and running away from the other. It's not about good and evil. What it is about is relationship, bringing everything into that inner relationship experience and recognising that we need to be of both in order to be whole, to be complete. Without light we will never know the dark, but without dark we will never know the full truth.

Darkness teaches us so much about ourselves because so much of ourselves hides away in shadow. Often, what really motivates us is hidden away in secret places. We have to be brave enough to walk into those shadows and embrace our whole selves, letting the dark mingle and merge with the light to become one - to become me. To become you. We need both to be fully human and we need both to be fully authentic.

Embrace the dark of you! Allow the dark to teach and lead you and do not attempt to view light and dark as good and evil, but as equal in the relationship that makes you the unique person that you are.

With light, there will always be shadows - and that's a good thing!