I know I've written about this before, but I am constantly aware of how attached I am to this physical world. It's all I've known for the past 46 years and as I touch and feel and smell and see and hear all that is about me it's reality and substance are undeniable, but then, as I buy into that seeming truth I become aware of my own bodies mortality. This body is temporal, transient, passing through this reality, this dimension, this plane. A vehicle, a tent, housing my immortal spirit, a spiritual evolution.
Lately I have been wondering where the three strands of my path: (1) pagan, (2) spiritual mystic and (3) magick, dovetail, and sometimes I wonder if they come together at all! However, in my heart, I know they do. To me the 3 make sense and work together very well, but at other times, as in my opening paragraph, there appears to be conflict, and it is this conflict that I am trying to resolve at the moment.
My pagan self tells me this world is to be honoured and respected, celebrated and enjoyed, for it is the Divine manifest. My body is also to be enjoyed and my senses are the tools I have to understand, explore and enjoy this world. My spiritual mystic self tells me that this is a one dimensional experience and I can travel beyond this plane, both in my mind and in my spirit, to higher and greater realms and that to buy solely into this plane is to limit and hinder myself and will result in my not fulfilling all that I am capable of. My magickal self tells me that I can steer the chariot, that in finding my own true will and in living my life in accordance with the One Divine Mind I am capable of more than I can appreciate because I am more than flesh and blood. I am one with The All, part of the mystery. Here is conflict, but also here is unity and somewhere here is balance, and it is this balance that I am currently seeking within what feels like a patch of confusion at the moment.
I'm growing out of something and growing into something else and I don't quite get it at the moment. I'm shedding a skin, moving on, taking the next step, and me being me I need a framework to hang all of this upon, a philosophy, something upon which I can build, but at the moment I feel more like I'm walking into a new area that is unknown to me, unfamiliar, and I feel a little more spiritually unsure, less confident. Not questioning, as I know I'm where I need to be . . . I guess I'm just a little more unsure of where it is I actually am!
Right now I'm more aware of what I don't know than what I do. I'm not entirely sure I like that feeling, but here, once again, is a call for me to relinquish control and, not go with the flow as such, because as it was once put to me 'only dead fish go with the flow', but rather to understand just where I am and to slowly steer the ship through this part of the journey until the next destination becomes a little clearer for me.
I guess I'm also wanting to be sure that I do indeed have it right, so there's some introspection and a testing of myself going on as well. Never a bad thing, but not always a comfortable place to be!
Showing posts with label Personal philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal philosophy. Show all posts
Monday, 16 February 2009
Friday, 6 February 2009
Twenty Five Things About Me.
I have a page on a social networking site, as I find this a good way of keeping in touch with friends who are 'far flung.' Recently I've been 'tagged' to write 25 things about me that others might now know. Whilst I don't like the 'tagging' aspect, and am not doing this here, I thought I would post my '25 Things' here, as they will provide an insight into me as a person, and sharing me with you is all part of my spiritual journey. So here goes!
1. I was engaged once! Yes! That might surprise some people who have always known me as gay ‘out and proud’ Andy, but I was engaged to a woman and 3 months from the wedding day I realised what a terrible mistake this would have been, for her as well as for me! It was all part of me giving into intense pressure from the Christian community I once lived within to conform to their vision of what was ‘right’ and ‘normal’ for me, as opposed to me taking time to listen to myself and discover who I actually was. I learned a great deal from this experience, but I do feel bad for the woman I was engaged too, as I didn’t handle it very well at all at the time.
2. I went to Bible College. And this was no ordinary Bible College! This was a place where Christian leaders felt they had an absolute right as ‘Shepherds’ to access the very core of your life and literally control your life. I saw people move house, sell property and hand it over to the leaders, as well as marry, when they were told to do so. This was a place of absolute control, little short of a cult, and as you can imagine, I saw many people break under this pressure. I have to say that I consider this phase in my life as one of the most destructive I have experienced and following my time at this place I wasn’t well. Again, I’ve learned many life lessons from this and am a stronger person as a result. The experience was enough to send me into a ten year agnostic phase, but perhaps this was necessary in order for my new path to open before me. This Bible College was a clone making factory, nothing to do with people finding their One True Self at all.
3. My spiritual life is the central core of me and everything else revolves around this and exists because of this. I consider myself a Magickal Being, my eternal soul inhabits this physical body for this incarnation and I am learning that I am able to commune with my ancestors, my Gods and All Nature as I stand as one with The All. Magick is about changing consciousness through will, and this is becoming more of a reality in my life.
4. I have no sight in my left eye. I lost the sight in my left eye when was 23 following a detached retina. This happened as a result of myopia. So, if I walk past you in the street, it’s not me being pompous and rude, I’ve simply not seen you!
5. I want to write a book! My story, one of coming from a strict evangelical background, the Bible College, being gay, finding my own true path, losing the sight in my eye, I think all these things combine to make a powerful story that people could take inspiration from. I just need to get on and do it!
6. I am proud to be gay! I don’t lecture people about it, being gay is an aspect of me, it’s not all of me, but neither is it something that I apologise for. I am who I am and more than this, I have every right to be who I am. My sexuality is not a second class sexuality, I am a unique individual, beloved of the God’s. Gay people do not seek better or more rights than others, we simply look for a level playing field where all people in this world share an equal opportunity at life chances. This world is still rife with inequality of all kinds, and this both angers and drives me.
7. I do not eat meat or dairy products. This is because I refuse to take the life of another sentient being and I am appalled at the way humanity ‘farms’ animals. We bring suffering and pain upon our fellow creatures based upon some kind of superior standpoint, in the way we intensively farm, slaughter and transport animals and it’s just plain wrong. Even organic farming of animals mistreats them and perpetuates cruel practices.
8. I manage services to adults with learning disabilities as part of the Local Authority.
9. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 20 years (although we had a little break from each other in the middle of this!)
10. I have 3 Nephews, aged 13, 10 and 8.
11. I adore cats. Cats are so intelligent, loyal, friendly, sensual, social and loving animals. I share my life with 3 cats.
12. I have just been lucky enough to secure an allotment and look forward to growing my own veggies! First, however, I have to clear the land and, as it’s full of couch grass, I have my work cut out for me!
13. I am increasingly frustrated by the way that ‘life’ stops me pursuing the things that are really important, but as yet I can’t see a way around this!
14. I love the music of Rufus Wainwright – and I just love him as well!
15. Music is really important to me, and I have a very eclectic taste, incorporating many genres.
16. I get angry when people sound off about the ‘politically correct’ culture of today. Whilst I see what frustrates people about this, I feel that people often miss the crucial issue, and this is one of respecting and valuing others and their individuality. Why people don’t get that is beyond me.
17. I cried watching Barack Obama’s inauguration.
18. I love living in this rural part of South West of the UK and would not want to live anywhere else. I’ve lived in towns and cities and I know where I am happiest – it’s here, in the country and I aint moving for anyone!
19. I hate flying. I’ll do it, when pushed, but I absolutely loathe and detest it and would be quite happy never to get on a plane ever again. Ever!
20. I am increasingly aware of the mortality and frailty of this flesh my spirit inhabits and of the urgency to get on and do what I was sent here to do. My working life feels less important, and the outworking of my spiritual practice more so.
21. I love collecting antiques, especially items from the arts and craft movement.
22. I value and treasure my friends and trust is pivotal in all my friendships. It’s crucial to me.
23. I’m tactile and sensual. I think I must have lived as a cat at sometime!
24. I think fundamentalism of any kind is dangerous.
25. I love red wine and drink too much of it!
1. I was engaged once! Yes! That might surprise some people who have always known me as gay ‘out and proud’ Andy, but I was engaged to a woman and 3 months from the wedding day I realised what a terrible mistake this would have been, for her as well as for me! It was all part of me giving into intense pressure from the Christian community I once lived within to conform to their vision of what was ‘right’ and ‘normal’ for me, as opposed to me taking time to listen to myself and discover who I actually was. I learned a great deal from this experience, but I do feel bad for the woman I was engaged too, as I didn’t handle it very well at all at the time.
2. I went to Bible College. And this was no ordinary Bible College! This was a place where Christian leaders felt they had an absolute right as ‘Shepherds’ to access the very core of your life and literally control your life. I saw people move house, sell property and hand it over to the leaders, as well as marry, when they were told to do so. This was a place of absolute control, little short of a cult, and as you can imagine, I saw many people break under this pressure. I have to say that I consider this phase in my life as one of the most destructive I have experienced and following my time at this place I wasn’t well. Again, I’ve learned many life lessons from this and am a stronger person as a result. The experience was enough to send me into a ten year agnostic phase, but perhaps this was necessary in order for my new path to open before me. This Bible College was a clone making factory, nothing to do with people finding their One True Self at all.
3. My spiritual life is the central core of me and everything else revolves around this and exists because of this. I consider myself a Magickal Being, my eternal soul inhabits this physical body for this incarnation and I am learning that I am able to commune with my ancestors, my Gods and All Nature as I stand as one with The All. Magick is about changing consciousness through will, and this is becoming more of a reality in my life.
4. I have no sight in my left eye. I lost the sight in my left eye when was 23 following a detached retina. This happened as a result of myopia. So, if I walk past you in the street, it’s not me being pompous and rude, I’ve simply not seen you!
5. I want to write a book! My story, one of coming from a strict evangelical background, the Bible College, being gay, finding my own true path, losing the sight in my eye, I think all these things combine to make a powerful story that people could take inspiration from. I just need to get on and do it!
6. I am proud to be gay! I don’t lecture people about it, being gay is an aspect of me, it’s not all of me, but neither is it something that I apologise for. I am who I am and more than this, I have every right to be who I am. My sexuality is not a second class sexuality, I am a unique individual, beloved of the God’s. Gay people do not seek better or more rights than others, we simply look for a level playing field where all people in this world share an equal opportunity at life chances. This world is still rife with inequality of all kinds, and this both angers and drives me.
7. I do not eat meat or dairy products. This is because I refuse to take the life of another sentient being and I am appalled at the way humanity ‘farms’ animals. We bring suffering and pain upon our fellow creatures based upon some kind of superior standpoint, in the way we intensively farm, slaughter and transport animals and it’s just plain wrong. Even organic farming of animals mistreats them and perpetuates cruel practices.
8. I manage services to adults with learning disabilities as part of the Local Authority.
9. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 20 years (although we had a little break from each other in the middle of this!)
10. I have 3 Nephews, aged 13, 10 and 8.
11. I adore cats. Cats are so intelligent, loyal, friendly, sensual, social and loving animals. I share my life with 3 cats.
12. I have just been lucky enough to secure an allotment and look forward to growing my own veggies! First, however, I have to clear the land and, as it’s full of couch grass, I have my work cut out for me!
13. I am increasingly frustrated by the way that ‘life’ stops me pursuing the things that are really important, but as yet I can’t see a way around this!
14. I love the music of Rufus Wainwright – and I just love him as well!
15. Music is really important to me, and I have a very eclectic taste, incorporating many genres.
16. I get angry when people sound off about the ‘politically correct’ culture of today. Whilst I see what frustrates people about this, I feel that people often miss the crucial issue, and this is one of respecting and valuing others and their individuality. Why people don’t get that is beyond me.
17. I cried watching Barack Obama’s inauguration.
18. I love living in this rural part of South West of the UK and would not want to live anywhere else. I’ve lived in towns and cities and I know where I am happiest – it’s here, in the country and I aint moving for anyone!
19. I hate flying. I’ll do it, when pushed, but I absolutely loathe and detest it and would be quite happy never to get on a plane ever again. Ever!
20. I am increasingly aware of the mortality and frailty of this flesh my spirit inhabits and of the urgency to get on and do what I was sent here to do. My working life feels less important, and the outworking of my spiritual practice more so.
21. I love collecting antiques, especially items from the arts and craft movement.
22. I value and treasure my friends and trust is pivotal in all my friendships. It’s crucial to me.
23. I’m tactile and sensual. I think I must have lived as a cat at sometime!
24. I think fundamentalism of any kind is dangerous.
25. I love red wine and drink too much of it!
Thursday, 19 June 2008
Within, Without, Above, Below
I was interested, following many of the recent posts made on many of my favourite blogs in recent days, that my third tarot card I turned this week was the 10 of discs. The 10 of discs speaks of strong family ties, of going back to ones roots, of building on a strong tradition. I've turned this card, like some others I have mentioned recently, a few times in recent weeks. There's clearly a message I need When I look at this card in context to the others that I have turned this week, it's very clear to me that the call is for me to find that place of rest, that place of security and strength in the arms of the Goddess, and from here, this special, magickal place, to move forward in a strong and proactive way. For me, the cards this week have been something of a confirmation and a reassurance, at a time where things have been happening personally that have had the potential to derail me slightly (bereavement and other significant family worries and concerns) the cards and the words of Goddess and God are clear - "keep moving forward, but not from a place of purpose, effort or neurosis, but from a place of rest, a place of belonging, a place of 'being' which is a place of power and strength."
There is something within me, following some comments I've made on recent blogs, that feels the need to set out something of my personal philosophy, yet with circumstances as they are right now, time isn't on my side. This is something that Crowley calls for us to do, and in a way, this blog is all about that, but perhaps I need to set it out in a clearer way. Perhaps I don't know enough of my own philosophy to even attempt it yet!
My tradition is that of Hedge Witch. I work alone, and the main emphasis of my path is spiritual and personal development. It's a path of personal transformation, of personal challenge and growth. It's a path of relationship, a relationship with the Lord and Lady, as revealed in and through Nature who in turn reveal to me the One Divine Life. It's a magickal path, a wondrous path, yet one that challenges me on every level of my being. It's not all 'love and light' - it's far more one of being hammered out on the fires of Weyland's Smithy, one of continual and magickal change, one that brings me ever closer to Source.
Together with this is a call that it getting louder and louder, and that is for me to work with Ancestors and Guides. I know the names of two of my Guides, and I want to deepen the connection I have with them. Likewise, I have seen glimpses, and that's all it has been, glimpses, of my Ancestors, and I know that I need to travel and journey to meet them in a deeper and longer way. Each 'flash' I get sees them in a town centre, delivering justice to the people of that town. They hear the voices and concerns of the people and work to metre out justice. I feel this is where my call to be 'balance' comes from. I need to connect with the ancient wisdom and knowledge that comes from my Ancestors. This isn't a pious thing, it's not that I see myself in any way in a place of authority, as I don't actually embrace authority. What this is about is me embracing esoteric wisdom, via my Guides and Ancestors, and in turn this will work to inform my future journey.
My path is all about relationship. Relationship with self through close connection within my Inner World. It's about not only knowing my own organic inner workings, but those between my Younger, Talking and Higher Self, working towards a place of initiation where Higher Self can manifest. It is also one of relationship with my Guides and Ancestors, and also one of relationship with the Lord and Lady and thus the One Divine Life. In this sense my path is experiential, yet, at the same time, I work to broaden and extend my own knowledge so that my path is informed and based upon a reliable and sound basis and not 'touchy feely' nonsense. I have no time for 'fluff' but I do hunger after reality.
My path is not Christian and has no basis in Christianity. It is not pseudo-Christian. My path is Pagan and I am proud of that fact. I embrace my dark side and I see my dark side as important as that of my light and I do not see the two as opposing forces, one isn't good and one isn't bad, I see them as two aspects of me that are in relationship and synergy and are therefore 'me'. I am not me without both moving and being in close relationship.
My path is also one of relationship with the Underworld, the Middle Word and the Heavens. I journey and travel between the worlds. The Underworld is the place of death, transition and rebirth. Here I feel the most powerful resonance. Here I am given my birth, following transformation within the cauldron. I journey here often. In the middle world I draw upon my roots from the Underworld and my branches that stretch to the furthest star and I bring into this world those things I am given from the other realms. I bring these things into physical reality, through this vehicle that is my body, for my own highest good and the highest good of those who cross my path. In the heavens I see and know my place on the Web of Life and within the World Tree. I reach to the highest star and I know that I too, like us all, as Crowley said, am 'a Star', I learn of and begin to comprehend my own divinity, my own true self, my own true will. I work with the Moon and Sun energy, the elements, natural spirits, Goddess and God, and all Nature for the highest good of myself and of others.
I believe in my own uniqueness and my own individuality and with this comes my own personal responsibility. My path is a journey of discovery, of returning to who I was called to be before name and form, before my experience of this world caused the adaptations necessary for temporal survival. Whilst this may sound like a journey in reverse, it's a journey towards my own true self.
So my path is a journey, a journey within, without, above and below.
There is something within me, following some comments I've made on recent blogs, that feels the need to set out something of my personal philosophy, yet with circumstances as they are right now, time isn't on my side. This is something that Crowley calls for us to do, and in a way, this blog is all about that, but perhaps I need to set it out in a clearer way. Perhaps I don't know enough of my own philosophy to even attempt it yet!
My tradition is that of Hedge Witch. I work alone, and the main emphasis of my path is spiritual and personal development. It's a path of personal transformation, of personal challenge and growth. It's a path of relationship, a relationship with the Lord and Lady, as revealed in and through Nature who in turn reveal to me the One Divine Life. It's a magickal path, a wondrous path, yet one that challenges me on every level of my being. It's not all 'love and light' - it's far more one of being hammered out on the fires of Weyland's Smithy, one of continual and magickal change, one that brings me ever closer to Source.
Together with this is a call that it getting louder and louder, and that is for me to work with Ancestors and Guides. I know the names of two of my Guides, and I want to deepen the connection I have with them. Likewise, I have seen glimpses, and that's all it has been, glimpses, of my Ancestors, and I know that I need to travel and journey to meet them in a deeper and longer way. Each 'flash' I get sees them in a town centre, delivering justice to the people of that town. They hear the voices and concerns of the people and work to metre out justice. I feel this is where my call to be 'balance' comes from. I need to connect with the ancient wisdom and knowledge that comes from my Ancestors. This isn't a pious thing, it's not that I see myself in any way in a place of authority, as I don't actually embrace authority. What this is about is me embracing esoteric wisdom, via my Guides and Ancestors, and in turn this will work to inform my future journey.
My path is all about relationship. Relationship with self through close connection within my Inner World. It's about not only knowing my own organic inner workings, but those between my Younger, Talking and Higher Self, working towards a place of initiation where Higher Self can manifest. It is also one of relationship with my Guides and Ancestors, and also one of relationship with the Lord and Lady and thus the One Divine Life. In this sense my path is experiential, yet, at the same time, I work to broaden and extend my own knowledge so that my path is informed and based upon a reliable and sound basis and not 'touchy feely' nonsense. I have no time for 'fluff' but I do hunger after reality.
My path is not Christian and has no basis in Christianity. It is not pseudo-Christian. My path is Pagan and I am proud of that fact. I embrace my dark side and I see my dark side as important as that of my light and I do not see the two as opposing forces, one isn't good and one isn't bad, I see them as two aspects of me that are in relationship and synergy and are therefore 'me'. I am not me without both moving and being in close relationship.
My path is also one of relationship with the Underworld, the Middle Word and the Heavens. I journey and travel between the worlds. The Underworld is the place of death, transition and rebirth. Here I feel the most powerful resonance. Here I am given my birth, following transformation within the cauldron. I journey here often. In the middle world I draw upon my roots from the Underworld and my branches that stretch to the furthest star and I bring into this world those things I am given from the other realms. I bring these things into physical reality, through this vehicle that is my body, for my own highest good and the highest good of those who cross my path. In the heavens I see and know my place on the Web of Life and within the World Tree. I reach to the highest star and I know that I too, like us all, as Crowley said, am 'a Star', I learn of and begin to comprehend my own divinity, my own true self, my own true will. I work with the Moon and Sun energy, the elements, natural spirits, Goddess and God, and all Nature for the highest good of myself and of others.
I believe in my own uniqueness and my own individuality and with this comes my own personal responsibility. My path is a journey of discovery, of returning to who I was called to be before name and form, before my experience of this world caused the adaptations necessary for temporal survival. Whilst this may sound like a journey in reverse, it's a journey towards my own true self.
So my path is a journey, a journey within, without, above and below.
Thursday, 17 April 2008
The Ecstatic Embrace of the Divine
I was reading an article yesterday that was talking about the need to be clear as to what ones philosophy is. I found this interesting, because it is important to be able to articulate ones standpoint, the basis from which one operates. Spiritually this is vital, as it provides an anchor, a firm foundation from which one lives, moves and has ones being.
My personal philosophy is simply that I have a desire, a need, almost, to know and experience what I once read as being the 'ecstatic embrace of the Divine.' This has been something of a life journey and it has taken me on many and varied pathways - most of them dead ends! I have a hunger to know and be known, that is, to truly know myself and to know the Divine. I also know that this will not come from any kind of organised, man made religion, and neither will it come from any kind of neurotic searching or striving. It comes, rather, from exploring the connection that already exists.
This journey is giving me a deep sense of myself and an ability to stand in my own power, to truly know my will and to assert this in a spiritual as well as a natural sense. I don't have to apologise for who or what I am, in fact I don't have to apologise about anything at all.
I also have an ever growing sense of my own gifts and calling. I've had confirmation today, via my tarot meditations, that I have gifts and abilities that require nurturing and through this nurture I will bring into this world the manifestation of those gifts.
Things are really moving!
My personal philosophy is simply that I have a desire, a need, almost, to know and experience what I once read as being the 'ecstatic embrace of the Divine.' This has been something of a life journey and it has taken me on many and varied pathways - most of them dead ends! I have a hunger to know and be known, that is, to truly know myself and to know the Divine. I also know that this will not come from any kind of organised, man made religion, and neither will it come from any kind of neurotic searching or striving. It comes, rather, from exploring the connection that already exists.
This journey is giving me a deep sense of myself and an ability to stand in my own power, to truly know my will and to assert this in a spiritual as well as a natural sense. I don't have to apologise for who or what I am, in fact I don't have to apologise about anything at all.
I also have an ever growing sense of my own gifts and calling. I've had confirmation today, via my tarot meditations, that I have gifts and abilities that require nurturing and through this nurture I will bring into this world the manifestation of those gifts.
Things are really moving!
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