Today is the first day in a week that I have actually felt something like a human being! I think I must have had something more than a summer cold, as it was awful! My joints and eye sockets ached, I couldn't stop coughing and sneezing - yuck! Awful! Anyway, enough about that, that's not why I'm here and it's not the reason for this blog! I hope I can get back on course!
This week out has provided me with some time for reflection. I've not been off work or anything, but I have had more 'down time' than usual, and this has given the opportunity to at least ponder the things that I felt the Lord and Lady have been saying to me in recent days. I've not been able to do much about it, but I have had the opportunity to really listen to my own inner voice.
Just prior to this bug hitting home my meditations had been leading me to explore the element of fire more deeply. This is something that has been pressing home for some time, and it keeps coming back to me.
Sulis, my patron Goddess, is Goddess of water and of fire, and whilst I find a real, powerful and real connection with water and all that means, I struggle more with the element of fire. I think it's time to confront that and explore that to a more profound level.
Fire is the element of creativity, of transformation, of inner alchemy. Change is all around me and within, it's that natural passage of life, death and rebirth and this is a constant, however, it's also a dynamic thing, a profound thing, and it's something of a journey. It's also bloody uncomfortable at times! Whilst I like to think that I'm open to change, I know that in reality I shirk from it as much as the next person. I like to feel safe, secure and want to know that tomorrow will be like today, like everyone else, but I am finding that the more I embrace my path, the more unlikely that is going to be. Change is here to stay, it's a constant reality!
In my old Christian past the call would be one of "being transformed from glory unto glory" but I don't see my change like that. It's not that I'm reaching some state of holiness or perfection, it's more like I am becoming fully human. As I celebrate my spirituality, as I explore what sometimes feels like a greater separation this with body - spirit - the more I feel able to celebrate being in this body. I don't know if that makes any sense at all!
It's like as I see myself as more clearly living in this vehicle for this incarnation, the more the wonder of this vehicle hits home. I see myself as less of a victim, even though I know my vehicle is frail and prone to fail, I embrace my own personal responsibility, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, the whole nine yards.
Somehow it's like seeing my spirit as a fire within, burning from the inside out, burning the lies, the dross, the false things that I have believed and accepted, both about the world and about myself, and this transforming fire is burning, changing, transmuting, transforming, empowering, envisioning and igniting inner belief and passion. This is creativity! It's like Self is being released, but not a restricted self, not an apologetic self, but an empowered self, one who embraces ones spiritual heritage and moves in the power of that.
Fire is the illumination within, it throws light on my inner world as it is the power of inner sight and from this comes wisdom, which is again another form of creativity. Here again is power in that I am able to direct the force of spirit in tune with my will and to cause this to manifest in this world. Here again is responsibility, but here again this empowerment only arrives when I am fully in tune with the All. When I am true to who I am, before name and form, when my will is as Their will because I am assuming my place on the web. Not a whim, not a fancy, not a fluffy off the shelf spell, but being who I truly am.
This speaks to me again of relationship, with the All, with my inner world. I'm pleased to be back where I belong!