I was up at 0630 this morning as I dearly wanted to climb Glastonbury Tor. I’ve mentioned many times that I love the Tor, it really is one of my most special places, and because it’s local to me (about 45 minutes away) getting there is not difficult. It’s such a great ‘high place’ and one of those places where ‘the spirit of place’ is just so tangible. Modern day historians cast doubt on whether Glastonbury Tor really was a place of pagan worship, and I recognise the validity of their arguments, but for me, the fact that many modern day pilgrims climb this place, with their intentions set, and the fact that so many rituals and ceremonies take place here ensures that the Tor is imbued with spiritual energy. The most spiritually resistant of people could not fail to sense the energy that radiates from this place.
I love the idea that the Tor is home to Gwyn ap Nudd and this is often the energy I connect with when I’m standing atop the Tor. I appreciate that this is the stuff of myth and legend, but it’s something that works for me. I find the Tor a place of real and deep grounding, and as my roots travel deep into the Tor I know I am in the place of the Dark womb, the place of transformation. In that sense I often experience the Tor as the key to the Underworld, and Gwyn ap Nudd is there as its keeper. As I said yesterday, it’s impossible to avoid this crucial aspect, we have to tarry in the Dark if we are ever to know the reality of Light.
However, a clear message spoke directly to my heart this morning, and that was to truly walk into the Light. It was a clear message and I felt something of a prod from Gwyn ap Nudd. It was almost as if he was saying that he was fed up with me hanging around in his territory and that he was booting me out! Yes, I’ll return, but a clear, resounding message that I had spent too long in the Dark and now it was time to embrace the Light trumpeted in my ears and soul. Gwyn ap Nudd is not to be messed with, and I felt his foot making contact with my backside and out into the Light went I!
It’s interesting that I find this a challenge, but I do. Some may shy from the Dark, but this aspect for me feels more comfortable that believing I have a right and a place in the Light. Believing that I am worthy is a huge challenge, and that I have a place and a right to stand as a Light of the World provides an even greater challenge. The kick out of the Underworld came as no surprise and now the challenge is to explore my place in this new world as Imbolc turns to Equinox.
Why is it a challenge? I think the challenge is on many fronts. It is, as I say above, a thing of appreciating my value, my worth, my will and my place, but it is also a thing of dedication. The Light is not a ‘love and light’ fluffy thing, but a challenge to growth. It is a test of dedication, of commitment and a challenge to throw ones hat in the ring and truly be who I was called to be before name and form. There is no place to hide in the Light, no dark corner, for the Light pervades all. It’s about being prepared to stand, to be counted, to rise up and be who I truly am. And I feel this challenge most acutely.
After breakfast I moved on the ceremony at White Spring. What a fantastic place, and what a marvellous job people have done in the redesign of the White Spring. The energy in this place is fantastic and the energetic fusion is palpable.
As we welcomed the Light, carried by Brighid, back into the world and into our lives, you can imagine, appreciating all that had gone before, my internal dialogue with the One Divine Life! As people spoke of Brighid I also connected with my own Patron Goddess, Sulis, Mother of Water and Fire, both so evident in this sacred place. As Fire and Water come together change is the only result, and I felt the calling and challenge for change within me.
Yet as people honoured Deity I was only too aware of the message and challenge to embrace my own Divinity. I have spoken of this before on these pages, yet there is something here that I have not truly entered into as yet. The challenge to an ex-Christian to even contemplate that I may be part of the One Divine Life is incredible – but that is because the Christian does not understand this reality. Poems were read, from such lovely people, and many spoke of this truth . . . know you not that you are part of Source. The Divine being that we celebrate, that we love, and that we call too and honour is not only within you but IS you!
A chap sang a most moving song at the White Spring. What is odd is that I couldn’t tell you thing about the content of this song now, but what shone through for me as he sang, beyond the words, was the wonder of connection. Oh how trite that word has become, but how powerful it is when one truly takes time to actually consider what it truly means! I was beaming at him as he sang, I couldn’t help it and I couldn’t stop it!
The power and strength of this reality hit home to me as we walked through the door from the White Spring into Chalice Well. If moving into the Light is about embracing our true Divine heritage, our true Divine Self, then the power of that is immense. It’s not a lightweight thing, how can it be? To say that we are all connected, not just with each other, but with The All, and not just like some kind of genealogical thing, but in the sense of being part of . . . being AS the Divine Life, then this is really powerful stuff. Yet I know and sense this to be true. Within my very being is part of the One Divine Life. My body will fail and crumble, but just as surely as nothing ever dies, that which is Divine within will also never die. I want this truth to shift from knowledge to living reality within me.
The time spent around the Wellhead was special for me only because of part of a poem spoken by a guy who was truly channelling the Divine. I was caught up in the excitement and wonder of the words that flowed from him as they underlined and magnified all that I write of above. It’s time to honour my true Divinity and to move in the power of that.
Do I sound arrogant? I can see how I may come across that way, but I do not write in arrogance. If anything, I write almost in fear at what this really means. I am also painfully aware that what I speak of is probably akin to that which Dion Fortune called Initiation, that moment where it is the Higher Self, the God Self, that radiates from one’s eyes. I am well aware that I am not at that point, as yet. I am a Seeker, a person who seeks Initiation, but at the same time I am more than aware of the road that I need to travel before I reach that point. In that sense the words I write speak as much of aspiration as they do revelation.
Together with this today was special because I connected with friends, both old and new, and loved the fact that a glance exchanged could communicate a thousand words.
A special day indeed!
Showing posts with label Imbolc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Imbolc. Show all posts
Monday, 1 February 2010
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Imbolc
This is one of my most favourite times of the year. The promise of Imbolc, for me, is one of the most powerful and moving of seasons, as we celebrate the fact, the truth that nothing ever dies. Here, for me, is where the wheel of the year brings forth its promise, those first stirrings of hope, those very early signs that the pain and challenge of the Dark Season is now bringing forth its promise. Just when it felt that all was lost, that death and dark were all there ever would be, comes the very early sign that there is hope. There is life . . . that the journey has not led to death, but it has led to transformation, to change, and now here, once more, is the promise of life. Nothing really dies.
And the Dark is often terrible – but necessary. I can’t subscribe to the fluffy notion that as a spiritual person all will be love and light. It’s not all about dancing and singing. That’s not real. That’s not life and it certainly isn’t a true spiritual experience. To embrace Light is to embrace Dark. Every seed of promise has its bed in the dark and germinates in the dark and only after the process of germination does it begin to reach of the light.
It’s so easy to lose sight of our spiritual reality and to believe that what we see, touch, hear, feel and taste is all there is. We experience this temporal existence through our five senses and at times it’s easy to become fooled into thinking along these temporal lines. We become attached to the material and to the physical, however subtly, and then it’s not long before we’re projecting the temporal into some kind of superior and only reality. This is a blind alley I have walked down too many times and it’s only when I fall into the pit at the end of this alley that I realise the folly of my ways. It’s The Fools Journey.
In my experience it is the Dark that reveals the folly of this and causes me to look within, as well as up, and to see the true reality and not just that which presents itself before me each day. Gwyn ap Nudd, Keeper of the Underworld, strips away all that is pretence, all that is not needed, all that does not serve, to reveal that which is of the Higher Mind. It is impossible to fully embrace the wonder of the Light if one has not travelled with the Dark. The Dark is the place of true transformation, where one is honed and then free to burst forth into the Light, as Light. Here is the mystery, here is the wonder.
Some like to look at the Dark as evil. This is a terrible but commonplace misunderstanding. The Dark is not evil at all, rather it is part of Life, part of the mystery, and part of me. As I journey into the very womb of the Mother so I am confronted with that which is unnecessary and contrary to my own spiritual evolution. Yes, here is often pain and here is often torment, but this is not evil or bad. The pain and torment comes from me, from my own attachment and refusal to let go. The pain is about my own resistance. The Dark is all about release, liberation and freedom and a true sense of being prepared for the wonder of rebirth. It is that continual process of Little Death that leads to the wonder of continual rebirth. I cannot appreciate the true wonder of rebirth if I have not allowed that to die which no longer serves my better interest.
There is nothing fluffy about this.
There has to be Death before Life. No matter how hard I have tried to avoid this in the past, the reality of the fact comes home, and at times has had to hit me hard. There are no short cuts, no quick fixes. If I want to walk in the way of the Gods, then I have to accept that I open myself to the fires of transformation and, if I want to know the joy and release that first has its promise at Imbolc, then I need to journey through the Dark that is Samhain.
So the promise of Light at Imbolc is a celebration because to me it’s about being catapulted out into a new place. It’s also about knowing that I am part of that Light. I am a Light of the World. As I continue to journey with The Mother, so I am being transformed, part of my journey before I return to source.
Nothing really dies. We may taste terrors, we may experience pain, we may stare death in the face, but we do not die and this is the promise, the wonder of Imbolc. The cycle continues, the circle is joined, the mystery is revealed.
Goddess and God reveal the wonder of this time of year in those swelling buds, those first green shoots that we can see in our own gardens. Within us too, those shoots are growing, those intentions set in the Dark are now reaching for the Light and will, very soon, burst out of the Dark, triumphant, as they reach for the Light, toward heaven, our true home.
And I am a Light of This World, as are all who walk with the Gods and who seek initiation. We bring Light because we are Light. The Light of our Higher Self radiates from within at ever increasing levels as we walk our path.
So at Imbolc I celebrate my true reality, my true connection. I am birthed, once more, from Darkness into Light and look to the forward year of promise and growth.
And the Dark is often terrible – but necessary. I can’t subscribe to the fluffy notion that as a spiritual person all will be love and light. It’s not all about dancing and singing. That’s not real. That’s not life and it certainly isn’t a true spiritual experience. To embrace Light is to embrace Dark. Every seed of promise has its bed in the dark and germinates in the dark and only after the process of germination does it begin to reach of the light.
It’s so easy to lose sight of our spiritual reality and to believe that what we see, touch, hear, feel and taste is all there is. We experience this temporal existence through our five senses and at times it’s easy to become fooled into thinking along these temporal lines. We become attached to the material and to the physical, however subtly, and then it’s not long before we’re projecting the temporal into some kind of superior and only reality. This is a blind alley I have walked down too many times and it’s only when I fall into the pit at the end of this alley that I realise the folly of my ways. It’s The Fools Journey.
In my experience it is the Dark that reveals the folly of this and causes me to look within, as well as up, and to see the true reality and not just that which presents itself before me each day. Gwyn ap Nudd, Keeper of the Underworld, strips away all that is pretence, all that is not needed, all that does not serve, to reveal that which is of the Higher Mind. It is impossible to fully embrace the wonder of the Light if one has not travelled with the Dark. The Dark is the place of true transformation, where one is honed and then free to burst forth into the Light, as Light. Here is the mystery, here is the wonder.
Some like to look at the Dark as evil. This is a terrible but commonplace misunderstanding. The Dark is not evil at all, rather it is part of Life, part of the mystery, and part of me. As I journey into the very womb of the Mother so I am confronted with that which is unnecessary and contrary to my own spiritual evolution. Yes, here is often pain and here is often torment, but this is not evil or bad. The pain and torment comes from me, from my own attachment and refusal to let go. The pain is about my own resistance. The Dark is all about release, liberation and freedom and a true sense of being prepared for the wonder of rebirth. It is that continual process of Little Death that leads to the wonder of continual rebirth. I cannot appreciate the true wonder of rebirth if I have not allowed that to die which no longer serves my better interest.
There is nothing fluffy about this.
There has to be Death before Life. No matter how hard I have tried to avoid this in the past, the reality of the fact comes home, and at times has had to hit me hard. There are no short cuts, no quick fixes. If I want to walk in the way of the Gods, then I have to accept that I open myself to the fires of transformation and, if I want to know the joy and release that first has its promise at Imbolc, then I need to journey through the Dark that is Samhain.
So the promise of Light at Imbolc is a celebration because to me it’s about being catapulted out into a new place. It’s also about knowing that I am part of that Light. I am a Light of the World. As I continue to journey with The Mother, so I am being transformed, part of my journey before I return to source.
Nothing really dies. We may taste terrors, we may experience pain, we may stare death in the face, but we do not die and this is the promise, the wonder of Imbolc. The cycle continues, the circle is joined, the mystery is revealed.
Goddess and God reveal the wonder of this time of year in those swelling buds, those first green shoots that we can see in our own gardens. Within us too, those shoots are growing, those intentions set in the Dark are now reaching for the Light and will, very soon, burst out of the Dark, triumphant, as they reach for the Light, toward heaven, our true home.
And I am a Light of This World, as are all who walk with the Gods and who seek initiation. We bring Light because we are Light. The Light of our Higher Self radiates from within at ever increasing levels as we walk our path.
So at Imbolc I celebrate my true reality, my true connection. I am birthed, once more, from Darkness into Light and look to the forward year of promise and growth.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Imbolc Blessings
I went to a couple of Imbolc ceremonies this morning as opposed to conducting my own ceremony at home. Although I went on my own, I had a need to connect with others. I’m not always the most sociable of people, I like my own space and my own company, but today I had a need to connect, and I felt that the two separate, although connected ceremonies, would support that. I will still have my own private ritual this week, building upon some of the things that have come into place for me in recent weeks.
The two ceremonies were good – but they left me wanting more. I really don’t mean to sound pompous or arrogant when I say they showed me how far I have come over the years. I guess they were geared with the very new ‘seeker’ in mind, whereas I’ve been walking my path for many years and would have loved to have been presented with something a little more challenging and powerful. I guess that’s for my own solitary practice, and perhaps I can’t expect something quite so ‘full on’ in an open ritual of this nature. The ceremonies took place at The White Spring and Chalice Well, both in Glastonbury, two places that are very dear to my heart.
However, I found the reason for my needing to be there today in one reading that was given. It’s been credited to a number of people, and in truth I am not sure of its origin (hopefully someone will enlighten me!) but it goes like this:
This prayer struck me powerfully and spoke to me deeply. In the ceremony it was read out and as soon as it was read, the ceremony moved on, but I remained with it. I couldn’t move on. This was the reason I had to be there today and for me a new foundation was laid for my journey this year. It’s as though this prayer summarised all that my Path means to me and reflects where I have been, where I am now and where I am going. I was meant to hear this. I need to take one line at a time for the purpose of my Imbolc blog entry, forgive me if this sounds a little like a sermon!
Remind us daily of the sanctity of all life
All life is sacred. Nothing new there, you might think – but how real is that truth to you? What do you see as you walk this earth? That’s what struck me today. As I rush through life (and I am conscious that I tend to march and run as opposed to walk through each day!) The One Divine Life is made manifest in All Nature. The glory and wonder of Source is evident all around me each and every day I live my life. Why do I often seek and cry out for guidance, for a word, for a sign, when the wonder of the Divine surrounds me – more than that, is within and is part of me – each and every day of my life? There is also a call to action here, and I think this is something of the message for me this year – it’s as much about doing as it is about being. Both are required, both are necessary, both are needed. If all life is scared, then this demands that I not only notice it, but that I respect it and treat it as such. This is about walking the walk, living the life, responding to that clear call not just in word, but in the way I actually lead and live my life. It’s easy to write words on a blog, it’s easy to present something to others, to pull on the mask, to play the part, but just how real is it? I hunger for that reality.
Touch our hearts with the glorious oneness of all creation.
I’m increasingly aware of the journey my soul has made over many lifetimes and of my oneness with The All, with all creation, with all things. But now I find myself moving into a place where I am aware not only aware of this incredible oneness, but also of the wonder of my connection with all things. I can reach out and touch and feel and be one with The All because I am at one with The All and part of The All. This ‘glorious oneness’ this true and powerful connection is something that I want to move deeper into, to truly experience this and know this, to feel and hear the message from the Divine Mind and glory and revel in the dynamic of this interconnectedness.
As we strive to respect all the living beings on this planet.
For me this followed the theme of my own personal responsibility. It can’t be all about me seeking this and seeking that – it’s also about what I give to others, to the planet and how I embrace the sanctity of all things. It’s about my personal response to the love and power of the One Divine Life. It’s about my hearing the message from the One Divine Mind and acting accordingly. It’s the responsibility that follows the blessing; it’s the call to action. It’s not all about what I can get; it’s also about what I can give.
Penetrate our souls with the beauty of this earth, as we attune ourselves to the rhythm and flow of the seasons.
This is a deep and powerful attunement. It’s not just about dressing up in the correct seasonal colours, singing the correct songs and putting the correct things on our altar at the right time, it’s about a deep and inner attunement. It’s about a coming into oneness with the natural energy of the Earth and of the One Divine Life and living as One. It’s about stepping onto the ray beaming from Source. As we do this, our spiritual sensitivity grows, and with it our empathy. This is all part of the process of continual initiation, of spiralling ever deeper into the heart of Source and finding home there.
Awaken our minds with the knowledge to achieve a world in perfect harmony.
I think as magickal, spiritual beings, we have a role to play in ‘bringing things in.’ I don’t know how to express it in any other way, but I see myself as a Gatekeeper, as someone who ‘stands between’. As a Magickal Being, I hold that tension and I bring into being that which is required both in my life, and in the lives of others, those things that are needed to further and deepen ones progress and the reaching of ones spiritual potential. It’s all part of the discovery of my own spiritual journey and the acquiring of the knowledge we each need to move on, to progress and to bring that real, lasting and genuine harmony into our own lives and the experience of others. It’s about bringing into reality that which the Divine Mind sends deep into our own spirit.
Grant us the wisdom to realise that we can have heaven on earth.
And for me, at the moment, this is all about relationship with Source. Of enjoying that deep relationship, that dynamic relationship, with Spirit. Of recognising my own divinity, my own roots, my own place in The All and as part of The All, and glorying in that and celebrating that truth. It’s all about the balance of joy, celebration and personal responsibility, it’s the natural outworking of a personal relationship with The One Divine Life.
So it is this I move into this new calendar year, using this prayer as my blueprint. This blog will no doubt continue to record my journey, including my trips and falls, as I seek to make this a reality in my life.
The two ceremonies were good – but they left me wanting more. I really don’t mean to sound pompous or arrogant when I say they showed me how far I have come over the years. I guess they were geared with the very new ‘seeker’ in mind, whereas I’ve been walking my path for many years and would have loved to have been presented with something a little more challenging and powerful. I guess that’s for my own solitary practice, and perhaps I can’t expect something quite so ‘full on’ in an open ritual of this nature. The ceremonies took place at The White Spring and Chalice Well, both in Glastonbury, two places that are very dear to my heart.
However, I found the reason for my needing to be there today in one reading that was given. It’s been credited to a number of people, and in truth I am not sure of its origin (hopefully someone will enlighten me!) but it goes like this:
Mother, Father, God, Goddess, Universal Power
Remind us daily of the sanctity of all life.
Touch our hearts with the glorious oneness of all creation.
As we strive to respect all the living beings on this planet.
Penetrate our souls with the beauty of this earth, as we attune ourselves to the rhythm and flow of the seasons.
Awaken our minds with the knowledge to achieve a world in perfect harmony.
Grant us the wisdom to realise that we can have heaven on earth.
This prayer struck me powerfully and spoke to me deeply. In the ceremony it was read out and as soon as it was read, the ceremony moved on, but I remained with it. I couldn’t move on. This was the reason I had to be there today and for me a new foundation was laid for my journey this year. It’s as though this prayer summarised all that my Path means to me and reflects where I have been, where I am now and where I am going. I was meant to hear this. I need to take one line at a time for the purpose of my Imbolc blog entry, forgive me if this sounds a little like a sermon!
Remind us daily of the sanctity of all life
All life is sacred. Nothing new there, you might think – but how real is that truth to you? What do you see as you walk this earth? That’s what struck me today. As I rush through life (and I am conscious that I tend to march and run as opposed to walk through each day!) The One Divine Life is made manifest in All Nature. The glory and wonder of Source is evident all around me each and every day I live my life. Why do I often seek and cry out for guidance, for a word, for a sign, when the wonder of the Divine surrounds me – more than that, is within and is part of me – each and every day of my life? There is also a call to action here, and I think this is something of the message for me this year – it’s as much about doing as it is about being. Both are required, both are necessary, both are needed. If all life is scared, then this demands that I not only notice it, but that I respect it and treat it as such. This is about walking the walk, living the life, responding to that clear call not just in word, but in the way I actually lead and live my life. It’s easy to write words on a blog, it’s easy to present something to others, to pull on the mask, to play the part, but just how real is it? I hunger for that reality.
Touch our hearts with the glorious oneness of all creation.
I’m increasingly aware of the journey my soul has made over many lifetimes and of my oneness with The All, with all creation, with all things. But now I find myself moving into a place where I am aware not only aware of this incredible oneness, but also of the wonder of my connection with all things. I can reach out and touch and feel and be one with The All because I am at one with The All and part of The All. This ‘glorious oneness’ this true and powerful connection is something that I want to move deeper into, to truly experience this and know this, to feel and hear the message from the Divine Mind and glory and revel in the dynamic of this interconnectedness.
As we strive to respect all the living beings on this planet.
For me this followed the theme of my own personal responsibility. It can’t be all about me seeking this and seeking that – it’s also about what I give to others, to the planet and how I embrace the sanctity of all things. It’s about my personal response to the love and power of the One Divine Life. It’s about my hearing the message from the One Divine Mind and acting accordingly. It’s the responsibility that follows the blessing; it’s the call to action. It’s not all about what I can get; it’s also about what I can give.
Penetrate our souls with the beauty of this earth, as we attune ourselves to the rhythm and flow of the seasons.
This is a deep and powerful attunement. It’s not just about dressing up in the correct seasonal colours, singing the correct songs and putting the correct things on our altar at the right time, it’s about a deep and inner attunement. It’s about a coming into oneness with the natural energy of the Earth and of the One Divine Life and living as One. It’s about stepping onto the ray beaming from Source. As we do this, our spiritual sensitivity grows, and with it our empathy. This is all part of the process of continual initiation, of spiralling ever deeper into the heart of Source and finding home there.
Awaken our minds with the knowledge to achieve a world in perfect harmony.
I think as magickal, spiritual beings, we have a role to play in ‘bringing things in.’ I don’t know how to express it in any other way, but I see myself as a Gatekeeper, as someone who ‘stands between’. As a Magickal Being, I hold that tension and I bring into being that which is required both in my life, and in the lives of others, those things that are needed to further and deepen ones progress and the reaching of ones spiritual potential. It’s all part of the discovery of my own spiritual journey and the acquiring of the knowledge we each need to move on, to progress and to bring that real, lasting and genuine harmony into our own lives and the experience of others. It’s about bringing into reality that which the Divine Mind sends deep into our own spirit.
Grant us the wisdom to realise that we can have heaven on earth.
And for me, at the moment, this is all about relationship with Source. Of enjoying that deep relationship, that dynamic relationship, with Spirit. Of recognising my own divinity, my own roots, my own place in The All and as part of The All, and glorying in that and celebrating that truth. It’s all about the balance of joy, celebration and personal responsibility, it’s the natural outworking of a personal relationship with The One Divine Life.
So it is this I move into this new calendar year, using this prayer as my blueprint. This blog will no doubt continue to record my journey, including my trips and falls, as I seek to make this a reality in my life.
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
When I'm Calling Your Name . . .
I've said in a recent post that the events of the past few months have hammered home to me the truth that I am not my body. I live in my body for this incarnation, but my body is not me and I am not my body. I am more, much, much more than the flesh and blood that keeps my current vehicle physically alive. I am more than my drives, more than my impulses and more than flesh, blood and bone.
Likewise I am more than the things I feel. I am not my feelings and my feelings are not me. My emotions do not provide me with my identity. My identity comes from something much older, something that existed before my current body was formed and that will survive long after my current vehicle returns to the Earth.
This is something I've known for ages . . . but that's it, I've known it - has it actually sunk deep within me? I don't think it actually has. Like all of us I've become aware of just how much I've been clinging to this body and this apparent existance - that which I can so easily see, taste, touch, hear and smell, and it's this clinging, this inbuilt sense of dependence that in effect creates the false reality that has the potential to fool me over and over again until I start to trust, once again, in that which cannot be really trusted. The end result of this is that I actually loose connection with who I truly am. This happens as a result of impulse, or desire, overtaking will and instead of this vehicle becoming a voluntary collaborator, it becomes my master, and that's not good!
Spiritual growth has its birth in truly knowing who I am and more than that, living and acting and being in that truth. A member of staff said to me today "I'm a human being not a human doing!" and it made me smile that this old adage was being reflected back to me. It's a hackneyed statement, I agree, but one that contains such truth for all of that. What I do does not define me, even what I feel does not define me, it's the truth of who I really am that defines me and this comes from moving out of the realm of reactivity into the realm of claiming and living in the truth of my own birthright - I am from Source and I am of Source - I am as Source.
I have a sense of needing to travel back to the place of my origination. I have no idea if that makes any sense to any one at all, but I know what I mean! A need to travel back to the place of my true birth. Long ago, as recorded in this blog, I embraced Andrew, my Younger Self, and this was a deep and significant move forward for me, but in many ways that was something that happened on a psychological level - but no less real for that. Now I see I have a need to move in the power of my Magickal name and to truly embrace that aspect of me and to allow the power of that to flow through my physical body. I need to move in the power of who I really am and celebrate the strength and power of this. It's not just a case of being given a Magickal Name, it's actually about moving in the reality of that in a real and living way.
The more than time goes on the more disconnected I feel to this physical body. I don't mean that I disrespect it and I don't mean that I don't enjoy it. I experience this world and this incarnation through it, and many of those experiences and feelings are very pleasurable, but that's not all that it's about. I'm beginning to appreciate what the combining of the magickal and the pagan aspects of my spirituality means, and in a sense it feels as if I am becoming ever more Mystic. That's surprised me to an extent, but it seems that's the way I seem to be developing.
I don't think that this body needs to be punished into submission. Somehow it's about the body, the emotions, the mind coming together and working in cooperation and harmony with Spirit and somewhere in here, for me at least, it has something to do with fully and truly embracing that Magickal aspect of me and moving with it and in it. Truly being who I really am, fully connecting with my True Self, but on a much deeper level than I have hitherto experienced.
I don't pretend to know how all of this is supposed to happen, but it's a path that appears to be opening up ahead of me and it's one that I will have to walk down and, once again, it's a process that I feel will have it's inception at Imbolc.
It all starts on Sunday, then!
Likewise I am more than the things I feel. I am not my feelings and my feelings are not me. My emotions do not provide me with my identity. My identity comes from something much older, something that existed before my current body was formed and that will survive long after my current vehicle returns to the Earth.
This is something I've known for ages . . . but that's it, I've known it - has it actually sunk deep within me? I don't think it actually has. Like all of us I've become aware of just how much I've been clinging to this body and this apparent existance - that which I can so easily see, taste, touch, hear and smell, and it's this clinging, this inbuilt sense of dependence that in effect creates the false reality that has the potential to fool me over and over again until I start to trust, once again, in that which cannot be really trusted. The end result of this is that I actually loose connection with who I truly am. This happens as a result of impulse, or desire, overtaking will and instead of this vehicle becoming a voluntary collaborator, it becomes my master, and that's not good!
Spiritual growth has its birth in truly knowing who I am and more than that, living and acting and being in that truth. A member of staff said to me today "I'm a human being not a human doing!" and it made me smile that this old adage was being reflected back to me. It's a hackneyed statement, I agree, but one that contains such truth for all of that. What I do does not define me, even what I feel does not define me, it's the truth of who I really am that defines me and this comes from moving out of the realm of reactivity into the realm of claiming and living in the truth of my own birthright - I am from Source and I am of Source - I am as Source.
I have a sense of needing to travel back to the place of my origination. I have no idea if that makes any sense to any one at all, but I know what I mean! A need to travel back to the place of my true birth. Long ago, as recorded in this blog, I embraced Andrew, my Younger Self, and this was a deep and significant move forward for me, but in many ways that was something that happened on a psychological level - but no less real for that. Now I see I have a need to move in the power of my Magickal name and to truly embrace that aspect of me and to allow the power of that to flow through my physical body. I need to move in the power of who I really am and celebrate the strength and power of this. It's not just a case of being given a Magickal Name, it's actually about moving in the reality of that in a real and living way.
The more than time goes on the more disconnected I feel to this physical body. I don't mean that I disrespect it and I don't mean that I don't enjoy it. I experience this world and this incarnation through it, and many of those experiences and feelings are very pleasurable, but that's not all that it's about. I'm beginning to appreciate what the combining of the magickal and the pagan aspects of my spirituality means, and in a sense it feels as if I am becoming ever more Mystic. That's surprised me to an extent, but it seems that's the way I seem to be developing.
I don't think that this body needs to be punished into submission. Somehow it's about the body, the emotions, the mind coming together and working in cooperation and harmony with Spirit and somewhere in here, for me at least, it has something to do with fully and truly embracing that Magickal aspect of me and moving with it and in it. Truly being who I really am, fully connecting with my True Self, but on a much deeper level than I have hitherto experienced.
I don't pretend to know how all of this is supposed to happen, but it's a path that appears to be opening up ahead of me and it's one that I will have to walk down and, once again, it's a process that I feel will have it's inception at Imbolc.
It all starts on Sunday, then!
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Dairy Free Andy!
Something that has increased for me in recent weeks is my sense of connection with all things. I've said many times before that I know I am part of The All, but this is something that has become more of a reality for me. I do feel part of it - part of the Dance of Life. It's like I've broken into the circle of dancers, joined hands with them and am dancing along! We're all dancing together, but each according to our own steps, our own paths, separate, yet together.
About three weeks ago I moved from being vegetarian to also becoming dairy free. I'm not about to get on a soap box about it, that's not something that I do, although I feel passionately about my reasons for wanting to live a cruelty free lifestyle. Many pagans have criticised me for this, some even suggesting that my lifestyle is incompatible with walking a pagan path. They are welcome to their view, I just don't share it! What I didn't expect, in taking this step, was the deepening sense of connection it bought to me with all things. I don't mean this in a silly Dr Doolittle kind of way, I just feel that I moved into a new space. I felt joined by the many sentient beings that walk this earth and make their own journey alongside me. It was something that I didn't expect, but it was a most welcome experience. It reminded me of this quote:
I really want to mark Imbolc this year and because I've been somewhat out of action for a little while I intend to make it a kind of rededication to both the Lord and Lady. I'm feeling the 'shove' of Spirit! It's time for me to move on, to get active, to stop dabbling and to really get in there! Often in the past I've allowed this impulse to lead to a kind of frustration, as time and other pressures often get in the way, I'll explore this in my Imbolc ritual which I will carry out in my Temple Room sometime on Sunday. I feel really excited now I've actually written this down - it's a real and genuine intention and now I've spoken it, not only will it come to pass, but it will be eventful!
About three weeks ago I moved from being vegetarian to also becoming dairy free. I'm not about to get on a soap box about it, that's not something that I do, although I feel passionately about my reasons for wanting to live a cruelty free lifestyle. Many pagans have criticised me for this, some even suggesting that my lifestyle is incompatible with walking a pagan path. They are welcome to their view, I just don't share it! What I didn't expect, in taking this step, was the deepening sense of connection it bought to me with all things. I don't mean this in a silly Dr Doolittle kind of way, I just feel that I moved into a new space. I felt joined by the many sentient beings that walk this earth and make their own journey alongside me. It was something that I didn't expect, but it was a most welcome experience. It reminded me of this quote:
Animals... are not brethren, they are not underlings: they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth. Henry Beston
I really want to mark Imbolc this year and because I've been somewhat out of action for a little while I intend to make it a kind of rededication to both the Lord and Lady. I'm feeling the 'shove' of Spirit! It's time for me to move on, to get active, to stop dabbling and to really get in there! Often in the past I've allowed this impulse to lead to a kind of frustration, as time and other pressures often get in the way, I'll explore this in my Imbolc ritual which I will carry out in my Temple Room sometime on Sunday. I feel really excited now I've actually written this down - it's a real and genuine intention and now I've spoken it, not only will it come to pass, but it will be eventful!
Monday, 26 January 2009
The Imbolc Quickening
Firstly, I want to thank everyone who has posted on my blog in recent weeks and months. I've been away, and I've probably been away for too long, but it feels good to be back. My time away has taught me many things, things about myself, my spirituality, it's practical expression (walking the walk as well as talking the talk) the physical world around me and those I share this experience with. It's been an invaluable time. A dark time, yes indeed, but without darkness we will never know light, and all things have their germination in darkness, before reaching toward the light.
I posted a 'thank you' yesterday on my last posting so I won't rehearse that here, other than to say my thanks are genuine, your support has been incredible, and I've both felt that support and grown as a result of it. It's carried me, and for that I am more than grateful.
My father is making very slow, but very steady progress. Tomorrow I take him to the Bristol Royal Infirmary for a check-up, the results of which, I hope, will see him discharged from Bristol in order for his care to be provided more locally, that would be a blessing for him, and for us. My mother has also been poorly in recent weeks, and that's been a great concern to me, but she appears to be slowly recovering. What a time it's been!
My work has also been changing around me, causing me to have to travel further and wider and to have to take on duties and roles that were hitherto not my remit, or indeed the reason for taking up my present post. I am first and foremost a manager of people, this is where my skills and abilities lie, yet I am being taken away from this, so I face challenges on many fronts. I have a feeling many of these will be met head on this year, in some way, shape or form.
It is no coincidence that I mark my return to the blogosphere today. At this time I usually feel the Imbolc Quickening and this is something that I have been aware of for some days now. An inner stirring, a hunger for divine connection, a yearning for spirit, an inner exuberance, a need to run and celebrate - and all this because the dance is beginning again. In many ways Imbolc is my favourite time of the year, a time full of such promise, everything is opening up before me once again, and it is my will that can begin to shape my own destiny. I am both excited and also in awe. I have such a sense of things changing - I don't think things are going to be same at all at the close of this year. In here somewhere, and I don't pretend to fully understand it yet, is something about my own ability, as a magickal being, to create my own reality - to open those doors, to make those things happen, according to my will. This is something I am going to learn this year, how I am not sure, but I feel it.
I feel that I have faced something of my own mortality in recent months, and to my surprise, this scared me. My foundation didn't feel as sturdy or as strong as I thought it was - there was doubt, untested belief. How can ones mortality be tested, without tasting death itself? I guess seeing ones own father stare death squarely in the face is pretty much as close to it as one can get, travelling that same journey with him, albeit by a different route. I have a greater sense of the reality of life, death and rebirth. Suddenly I am aware of walking this earth before and also of the reason that I walk this world now. My connection to everything feels greater, especially the earth itself. I do feel, more than ever, like spirit within a body, a life within a tent, seeking, growing, learning and yearning and becoming something new, something greater, to be born anew at sometime, in some place, until I have achieved whatever it is I am supposed to achieve and I ascend to higher realms. Suddenly pagan dogma means less to me and my own spiritual experimentation more. I may not always have a theory to hang something on, I may not always be able to explain it, what I feel or say may come in for criticism from my learned pagan friends, but what the hell? All I can attest is the truth of my own experience. Whilst I want everything I believe to have a sound foundation, I won't be quite so harsh on my own experience any longer, nor will I take the sometimes harsh criticism of others quite so much to heart.
It's weird, I feel as though I am seeing things with older eyes, yet I don't feel old! I feel wiser, yet not particularly wise. I most certainly feel stronger and my Inner Critic has been silenced somewhat! I often fall into the trap of 'oughts' 'shoulds' 'coulds' 'musts' and all the other imperatives, those that have been self imposed, and those that are imposed by others, however well intentioned, but I now embrace a greater freedom. It may not be as easy for me to have my morning meditations, my reading time may be more limited for a while, but hey, I can meditate when and where I can, and I can read when and where I can - I feel a travelling altar coming on! It's time for a more flexible structure to my spiritual life, and life in general, and I will whatever form this takes in the on-coming months. I've spent too many years beating myself up, it's time to forgive and love myself a little more - and actually see and embrace what is truly important for me, today.
It's corny, as it's a phrase that has become so hackneyed in recent years, but I have seen what 'living in the now' or 'embracing the moment' is really all about - I've tasted and ingested the reality of this truth, and its power. It's quite incredible. Truly entering the moment, separate from cause, apart from effect, just truly being - there is power, there is wonder, there is reality in this moment. It's somewhere I want to be more often.
So, the magick of Imbolc stirs. This time of germination, it feels like something of a pre-beginning, only that makes little sense, I guess! My intentions were set around Samhain and now they have been well and truly watered and fertilised. Now is the time of Nurture. That's something else I love about Imbolc, it's a caring, nurturing time. The frosts are not fully over yet, shoots, if they are evident at all, are very young and tender, and they require protecting and guess what? . . . it's okay! One doesn't have to be big and brave all the bloody time!
And I think that's the key for me at the moment, more than anything else, more than getting it right (which has driven me for too long) I simply want to make it REAL.
It feels good, being back!
I posted a 'thank you' yesterday on my last posting so I won't rehearse that here, other than to say my thanks are genuine, your support has been incredible, and I've both felt that support and grown as a result of it. It's carried me, and for that I am more than grateful.
My father is making very slow, but very steady progress. Tomorrow I take him to the Bristol Royal Infirmary for a check-up, the results of which, I hope, will see him discharged from Bristol in order for his care to be provided more locally, that would be a blessing for him, and for us. My mother has also been poorly in recent weeks, and that's been a great concern to me, but she appears to be slowly recovering. What a time it's been!
My work has also been changing around me, causing me to have to travel further and wider and to have to take on duties and roles that were hitherto not my remit, or indeed the reason for taking up my present post. I am first and foremost a manager of people, this is where my skills and abilities lie, yet I am being taken away from this, so I face challenges on many fronts. I have a feeling many of these will be met head on this year, in some way, shape or form.
It is no coincidence that I mark my return to the blogosphere today. At this time I usually feel the Imbolc Quickening and this is something that I have been aware of for some days now. An inner stirring, a hunger for divine connection, a yearning for spirit, an inner exuberance, a need to run and celebrate - and all this because the dance is beginning again. In many ways Imbolc is my favourite time of the year, a time full of such promise, everything is opening up before me once again, and it is my will that can begin to shape my own destiny. I am both excited and also in awe. I have such a sense of things changing - I don't think things are going to be same at all at the close of this year. In here somewhere, and I don't pretend to fully understand it yet, is something about my own ability, as a magickal being, to create my own reality - to open those doors, to make those things happen, according to my will. This is something I am going to learn this year, how I am not sure, but I feel it.
I feel that I have faced something of my own mortality in recent months, and to my surprise, this scared me. My foundation didn't feel as sturdy or as strong as I thought it was - there was doubt, untested belief. How can ones mortality be tested, without tasting death itself? I guess seeing ones own father stare death squarely in the face is pretty much as close to it as one can get, travelling that same journey with him, albeit by a different route. I have a greater sense of the reality of life, death and rebirth. Suddenly I am aware of walking this earth before and also of the reason that I walk this world now. My connection to everything feels greater, especially the earth itself. I do feel, more than ever, like spirit within a body, a life within a tent, seeking, growing, learning and yearning and becoming something new, something greater, to be born anew at sometime, in some place, until I have achieved whatever it is I am supposed to achieve and I ascend to higher realms. Suddenly pagan dogma means less to me and my own spiritual experimentation more. I may not always have a theory to hang something on, I may not always be able to explain it, what I feel or say may come in for criticism from my learned pagan friends, but what the hell? All I can attest is the truth of my own experience. Whilst I want everything I believe to have a sound foundation, I won't be quite so harsh on my own experience any longer, nor will I take the sometimes harsh criticism of others quite so much to heart.
It's weird, I feel as though I am seeing things with older eyes, yet I don't feel old! I feel wiser, yet not particularly wise. I most certainly feel stronger and my Inner Critic has been silenced somewhat! I often fall into the trap of 'oughts' 'shoulds' 'coulds' 'musts' and all the other imperatives, those that have been self imposed, and those that are imposed by others, however well intentioned, but I now embrace a greater freedom. It may not be as easy for me to have my morning meditations, my reading time may be more limited for a while, but hey, I can meditate when and where I can, and I can read when and where I can - I feel a travelling altar coming on! It's time for a more flexible structure to my spiritual life, and life in general, and I will whatever form this takes in the on-coming months. I've spent too many years beating myself up, it's time to forgive and love myself a little more - and actually see and embrace what is truly important for me, today.
It's corny, as it's a phrase that has become so hackneyed in recent years, but I have seen what 'living in the now' or 'embracing the moment' is really all about - I've tasted and ingested the reality of this truth, and its power. It's quite incredible. Truly entering the moment, separate from cause, apart from effect, just truly being - there is power, there is wonder, there is reality in this moment. It's somewhere I want to be more often.
So, the magick of Imbolc stirs. This time of germination, it feels like something of a pre-beginning, only that makes little sense, I guess! My intentions were set around Samhain and now they have been well and truly watered and fertilised. Now is the time of Nurture. That's something else I love about Imbolc, it's a caring, nurturing time. The frosts are not fully over yet, shoots, if they are evident at all, are very young and tender, and they require protecting and guess what? . . . it's okay! One doesn't have to be big and brave all the bloody time!
And I think that's the key for me at the moment, more than anything else, more than getting it right (which has driven me for too long) I simply want to make it REAL.
It feels good, being back!
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