Today gave me the kick up the arse I’ve needed for some time. I think the Gods have had enough of my lurking in the shadows and have shone their collective light into corners of my life that has had the net result of awakening my spiritual practice. It’s about time. I’ve been in the doldrums a little too long!
What’s caused this? Mainly my professional life. Work has been confusing and muddling. It’s caused me to really question my motives for doing the job I do and has caused me to question and assess many of my professional working relationships. As someone who values authenticity and transparency, this current climate for an individual who works for the local authority is not a comfortable time! I hope you get my drift!
I think that what I have allowed to happen here is for me to become ‘done too’ as opposed to asserting my spiritual right to be in control. I’ve a tail wagged by the corporate dog as opposed to standing in my spiritual power. Today, through a very insightful reading from Jamie, I’ve once again been shown that no matter how much I doubt it at times, I do indeed have the spiritual resources and intuition and birthright to stand in my own spiritual power. Lesson learned – once again!
Together with work has been my spiritual practice per sae. Off this blog (actually, on it as well, on occasion) I have been subjected to spiritual attack from some Christians who figure in my distant past. In truth some of these attacks have caused me to wobble a bit. They have hurt, to be honest. They’ve had the result of opening old wounds and hurts from the past, so I guess I have retreated somewhat to lick my wounds, to assess, to evaluate and to review. If it’s possible for a Christian to curse another human being, this is effectively what happened in a recent communication. Hard to believe, isn’t it, but trust me, it happened! Still, after a time of reflection I feel back on course.
This has caused me to really review my path and where I stand and what I believe. Today’s reading has helped with this. I am basically a hedge witch who places spiritual devotion and dedication to my God’s at the heart of all I do. My magick flows from this, and my magick is about my own personal spiritual evolution, and the spiritual evolution of those who come to me, my community and one day, when I have learned and experienced more, hopefully, my country too. My calling to ‘stand between’ continues to ring true in my heart and mind and I know that my Will is to know and experience the ecstatic embrace of the Divine. I have no question about that.
And all of this informs my daily life. I see no sense of purpose in any path if it does not inform ones daily life. I don’t subscribe to the view that being nice = fluffy and being mean = being truly pagan. My view about this is that fluffy = quick fixes and candyfloss approach to spiritual practice and being truly pagan means walking the walk as well as talking the talk. It’s about authenticity, personal responsibility, being open, honest, transparent, true to ones calling, true to oneself and true to ones God’s. That’s the rub, that’s where the rubber hits the road and that’s tough!
So that’s me. 2011 is going to be a year of significant spiritual development, I feel. As usual, the call of Imbolc is waking me up. I feel called to service, called to action and called to get real. I fully intend to rise to the call!
Showing posts with label spiritual reality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual reality. Show all posts
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Sunday, 28 February 2010
Celebrating Difference
This post is something of a divergence from the main theme of this blog, yet at the same time it is also central to it as this post contains, I guess, what in many ways is the essence of me. In making a post such as this public I am, in many ways, making myself vulnerable (yet again!) to criticism and ridicule, but as this blog is all about my spiritual journey, with all its highs and lows, vulnerability is an absolute necessity, because without it, there is no change, there is no development and consequently there is no growth. Risk is demanded, stepping out of comfort zones a prerequisite, and daring to move into the unknown, hand in hand with and trusting The One Divine Life central to any kind of progression.
I’ve been quiet for the past few weeks and for no other reason than, once again, my professional life has been demanding more of my time and energy. I’ve been caught up in one of those periods where I’ve been finding it really difficult to ‘switch off’ at the end of the working day and time for personal meditation, reflection and spiritual practice has been really difficult because of this. I am never happy with this type of situation and I am always conscious of the shift this causes within me. I become uneasy with myself and become restless. I feel disconnected and separate and I really don’t like that feeling. It’s like I lose sense and connection with who I am and as a result I don’t relate well with all that’s happening around and within me because I am not reacting as me. I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me! Also, I find that I become overly reactive and I firmly believe that people of Spirit create, we contain the Creative force and therefore being pushed around by circumstance isn’t right and it isn’t comfortable.
Within all this there has been a personal challenge, and this challenge is all about who it is I take into my working day. Do I take my true self, the person I am, the person who is continually in this place of ‘becoming’ or do I take the person who is little more than the professional caricature? The person I am expected to be who wears the corporate uniform, speaks the corporate language and walks the corporate path? Whilst it is the latter that is seemingly demanded, it is the latter I am finding it increasingly difficult, if not impossible, to conform with. I am more aware that ever I have been of the pure anger that this continual demand causes to rise within me and I am not sure how to handle or what to do with that reaction at the moment. It’s something that scares me in a way because at times the anger feels so real and so powerful that it feels like if I expressed it, everything around me would combust into flames! I know that sounds really strange and dramatic, but that’s how it feels.
The root of all of this is the celebration of diversity, or perhaps I should say, the lack of it. A key aspect of my professional role, and one that has been very recently reaffirmed; is to manage equality and diversity, both in terms of service delivery and staff management. I guess I have been given this role because it is something to which I am totally committed, both personally and professionally. Some assume my commitment comes from the fact that I am a gay man, with a disability, who walks a minority spiritual path, but people who think that actually miss the point. My commitment to equality and diversity comes from nothing other than a firm and passionate belief that each and every human being on this planet has the absolute right to reach their full potential without imposed restriction of any kind. We, all of us, have a right to be who we are and we have a right to become who we are called to be. No one has a right to stand in the way of that, be they family, peer, neighbour, politician, manager or institution. Difference, that wonderful thing each of us brings because of who we intrinsically are, should not be ignored, should not be tolerated, should not be whitewashed in some kind of banal, powerless, ineffectual thing, but should be recognised, celebrated, trumpeted, enjoyed and revelled in. Difference is what makes us real, makes us vital, makes us powerful, and when we bring this difference together, when we link arms, utilise all the skills, attributes, differences and unique experiences each of us have, then anything is possible and anything can happen. This is the hub of creativity, the more richly diverse any group of people the more effective and productive it will be, no matter what the objective. Restrict this, in any way, and that creativity is not only stifled, but the human casualties will soon begin to mount up.
I don’t want to have a professional me and private me. I want to be me wherever I am at any given time. For years I fought what often feels like a terrible battle to be accepted as an openly gay man. The consequences of this were immense and have involved losing family (thankfully temporarily), security, jobs and promotion, but I refused, on any level, to deny who I am.
My visual disability has also caused me difficulties, especially in terms of my professional working life, and this has bought me into conflict with managers and departments as I have asserted my rights under disability legislation when actually I should have had no need to do so – the support should have been there, but it wasn’t. ‘Best Practice’ can be decidedly lacking when you least expect it, and the shock of that can be disabling in itself.
And spirituality I have endured ridicule as my deeply held convictions inform the way I think, feel, act, interact, experience and contribute to people, life and the world generally.
I guess all of these factors work together to develop within me a real empathy with people who experience less than they deserve at the hands of individuals and corporations. I think what I need to learn to manage within me, and it’s something that I don’t always find easy, is the emotional reaction this brings. My power and ability to empathise can be somewhat overwhelming at times, and it is this that I need to learn to channel in a productive way which ultimately results in positive outcomes for all concerned.
So I feel as though I am at some kind of watershed. In some ways if feels terrifying, in other ways it feels exciting, but I am consciousness of a huge amount of strength that resides within me at the moment. It’s like I am at a crossroads and this crossroads is about me asserting the true principles of equality and diversity, both individually and corporately, not only through usual working practice, but through truly bringing my complete self into the working arena. I want people to have a sense of the spiritual me as they encounter me. I don’t want people to view me as someone described me the other day; his words were that I was “the conscience of the service”. I want to be more than that. I want to be able to affect positive change for people through positively changing the way people are managed, bringing real cultural change and positive outcomes for the service. Sounds lofty and worthy, doesn’t it? I don’t want it to sound like that, I want it so sound real! And I want this to come from who I am, the true me, the real me, the spiritually connected me, the me who knows where he sits in connection with the Universe and who brings that power and reality into every aspect of his life.
I don’t want to be some kind of corporate robot who is little more than part of a huge machine. I want to bring the wonder and richness of true humanity into everything that I do through my appreciation of my own divinity and that of each person I work with, support, manage and encounter each day.
It’s an impossibly tall order . . . or is it? I just need to know where and how I take it from here!
I’ve been quiet for the past few weeks and for no other reason than, once again, my professional life has been demanding more of my time and energy. I’ve been caught up in one of those periods where I’ve been finding it really difficult to ‘switch off’ at the end of the working day and time for personal meditation, reflection and spiritual practice has been really difficult because of this. I am never happy with this type of situation and I am always conscious of the shift this causes within me. I become uneasy with myself and become restless. I feel disconnected and separate and I really don’t like that feeling. It’s like I lose sense and connection with who I am and as a result I don’t relate well with all that’s happening around and within me because I am not reacting as me. I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me! Also, I find that I become overly reactive and I firmly believe that people of Spirit create, we contain the Creative force and therefore being pushed around by circumstance isn’t right and it isn’t comfortable.
Within all this there has been a personal challenge, and this challenge is all about who it is I take into my working day. Do I take my true self, the person I am, the person who is continually in this place of ‘becoming’ or do I take the person who is little more than the professional caricature? The person I am expected to be who wears the corporate uniform, speaks the corporate language and walks the corporate path? Whilst it is the latter that is seemingly demanded, it is the latter I am finding it increasingly difficult, if not impossible, to conform with. I am more aware that ever I have been of the pure anger that this continual demand causes to rise within me and I am not sure how to handle or what to do with that reaction at the moment. It’s something that scares me in a way because at times the anger feels so real and so powerful that it feels like if I expressed it, everything around me would combust into flames! I know that sounds really strange and dramatic, but that’s how it feels.
The root of all of this is the celebration of diversity, or perhaps I should say, the lack of it. A key aspect of my professional role, and one that has been very recently reaffirmed; is to manage equality and diversity, both in terms of service delivery and staff management. I guess I have been given this role because it is something to which I am totally committed, both personally and professionally. Some assume my commitment comes from the fact that I am a gay man, with a disability, who walks a minority spiritual path, but people who think that actually miss the point. My commitment to equality and diversity comes from nothing other than a firm and passionate belief that each and every human being on this planet has the absolute right to reach their full potential without imposed restriction of any kind. We, all of us, have a right to be who we are and we have a right to become who we are called to be. No one has a right to stand in the way of that, be they family, peer, neighbour, politician, manager or institution. Difference, that wonderful thing each of us brings because of who we intrinsically are, should not be ignored, should not be tolerated, should not be whitewashed in some kind of banal, powerless, ineffectual thing, but should be recognised, celebrated, trumpeted, enjoyed and revelled in. Difference is what makes us real, makes us vital, makes us powerful, and when we bring this difference together, when we link arms, utilise all the skills, attributes, differences and unique experiences each of us have, then anything is possible and anything can happen. This is the hub of creativity, the more richly diverse any group of people the more effective and productive it will be, no matter what the objective. Restrict this, in any way, and that creativity is not only stifled, but the human casualties will soon begin to mount up.
I don’t want to have a professional me and private me. I want to be me wherever I am at any given time. For years I fought what often feels like a terrible battle to be accepted as an openly gay man. The consequences of this were immense and have involved losing family (thankfully temporarily), security, jobs and promotion, but I refused, on any level, to deny who I am.
My visual disability has also caused me difficulties, especially in terms of my professional working life, and this has bought me into conflict with managers and departments as I have asserted my rights under disability legislation when actually I should have had no need to do so – the support should have been there, but it wasn’t. ‘Best Practice’ can be decidedly lacking when you least expect it, and the shock of that can be disabling in itself.
And spirituality I have endured ridicule as my deeply held convictions inform the way I think, feel, act, interact, experience and contribute to people, life and the world generally.
I guess all of these factors work together to develop within me a real empathy with people who experience less than they deserve at the hands of individuals and corporations. I think what I need to learn to manage within me, and it’s something that I don’t always find easy, is the emotional reaction this brings. My power and ability to empathise can be somewhat overwhelming at times, and it is this that I need to learn to channel in a productive way which ultimately results in positive outcomes for all concerned.
So I feel as though I am at some kind of watershed. In some ways if feels terrifying, in other ways it feels exciting, but I am consciousness of a huge amount of strength that resides within me at the moment. It’s like I am at a crossroads and this crossroads is about me asserting the true principles of equality and diversity, both individually and corporately, not only through usual working practice, but through truly bringing my complete self into the working arena. I want people to have a sense of the spiritual me as they encounter me. I don’t want people to view me as someone described me the other day; his words were that I was “the conscience of the service”. I want to be more than that. I want to be able to affect positive change for people through positively changing the way people are managed, bringing real cultural change and positive outcomes for the service. Sounds lofty and worthy, doesn’t it? I don’t want it to sound like that, I want it so sound real! And I want this to come from who I am, the true me, the real me, the spiritually connected me, the me who knows where he sits in connection with the Universe and who brings that power and reality into every aspect of his life.
I don’t want to be some kind of corporate robot who is little more than part of a huge machine. I want to bring the wonder and richness of true humanity into everything that I do through my appreciation of my own divinity and that of each person I work with, support, manage and encounter each day.
It’s an impossibly tall order . . . or is it? I just need to know where and how I take it from here!
Sunday, 17 January 2010
Acknowledging Ones Roots
I blogged some time ago about the importance of roots and this is something that has been with me again the past week or so. Truly knowing that sense of connection with Earth. I don’t mean this is a simple, fluffy visualisation sense, but in a true and dynamic sense of genuine and dynamic connection – a connection of power.
I have become increasingly aware of how this aspect of my spiritual path is frowned upon, not just by the Christian world but also by some parts of the magical community. Christians often view talk of connection with Earth, and our roots being firmly planted in our Mother as evil and wrong, and some people who follow a magical tradition have said to me that they consider such a practice to be ‘fluffy’ and without true foundation. I can the latter comment when one considers how trivialised such pathworking has become over the years, by some. But this is by no means the case for all. I think one has to delve deeply beneath the surface to find the true reality and it is important to avoid judging every book by its cover.
I have become convinced in recent weeks and months that the importance of connection with the spirit of place cannot be over emphasised. This is about truly connecting with ancestral wisdom, and this can be accessed through connection with the landscape, through tradition, as laid down in songs, myths and legends; and mystical connection with those who have gone before. To my mind this is both a valid and crucial aspect of spiritual practice.
Over the years I have allowed this apparent division between those who embrace Earth based spiritual practice and those who pursue a more Hermetic tradition to confuse and muddle my spiritual progress. I had allowed myself to get boxed into a pattern of thinking that was simply a case of ‘either or’ and that there was little, if any, room for a combination of both. Now I am starting to understand that one informs the other and the two can rest comfortably side by side as both are required for true spiritual development.
I cannot dismiss the wisdom of my ancestors. I see and sense a very real dovetailing of the Otherworld and the very real sense of the God-self. The two are not mutually exclusive. I know and understand and have experienced the power and majesty of the ‘spirit of place’ and know that what I see with my physical eyes is an expression of deity, of the Unseen. I think it is the dilution of this into commercial off the shelf packages of spirituality that has caused the damage for those who have truly experienced a powerful and real Earth based connection and celebrate deity in this way.
Ones roots cannot be dismissed. How can my branches reach to and celebrate and glory in the wonder of the heavens if I am cut off at the roots? How can I produce fruit that feeds and nourishes my fellow travellers if I have no way of drawing up rich and life giving energy? How can my spiritual self exist if it is separated from that wonderful and rich source of ancestral memory?
I am really beginning to see and understand not just the validity, but the crucial importance of connecting with what has been described to me recently as the ‘folk soul’. This speaks to me of that immeasurable and profound spiritual reservoir that is full of ancestral knowledge, wisdom, experience and power; a rich and dynamic spiritual energy source.
What I am not speaking about here, however, is a slavish adherence to the past that expresses itself through some kind of nationalistic spiritual expression of the past. To my mind the person who walks between the worlds today brings back ancient wisdom that meets the needs of human kind today. Our path has to be relevant to today and whilst we know and experience our connection with ancient consciousness, we bring the power of this into the world that we find ourselves in now.
That’s not to water it down, that’s not to pretend, but rather to bring ancient wisdom and knowledge to our current situation through a moving on from our roots rather than an attempt to remain stuck.
This is the challenge for me as I take my next faltering steps on my spiritual journey. My intention is to connect with my guides and forebears and to truly understand and experience the wonder and power of their connection with the One Diviner Life and bring this into my experience in the Now. This is not about living my spiritual life vicariously through them, but rather to fully and dynamically appreciate the foundation upon which my spiritual path and experience is based. I want to truly value and appreciate the wonder of my forebears experience and to fully appreciate the roots that sustain me and the energy that springs from these roots that in turn spurs me on to new experiences and growth.
I have become increasingly aware of how this aspect of my spiritual path is frowned upon, not just by the Christian world but also by some parts of the magical community. Christians often view talk of connection with Earth, and our roots being firmly planted in our Mother as evil and wrong, and some people who follow a magical tradition have said to me that they consider such a practice to be ‘fluffy’ and without true foundation. I can the latter comment when one considers how trivialised such pathworking has become over the years, by some. But this is by no means the case for all. I think one has to delve deeply beneath the surface to find the true reality and it is important to avoid judging every book by its cover.
I have become convinced in recent weeks and months that the importance of connection with the spirit of place cannot be over emphasised. This is about truly connecting with ancestral wisdom, and this can be accessed through connection with the landscape, through tradition, as laid down in songs, myths and legends; and mystical connection with those who have gone before. To my mind this is both a valid and crucial aspect of spiritual practice.
Over the years I have allowed this apparent division between those who embrace Earth based spiritual practice and those who pursue a more Hermetic tradition to confuse and muddle my spiritual progress. I had allowed myself to get boxed into a pattern of thinking that was simply a case of ‘either or’ and that there was little, if any, room for a combination of both. Now I am starting to understand that one informs the other and the two can rest comfortably side by side as both are required for true spiritual development.
I cannot dismiss the wisdom of my ancestors. I see and sense a very real dovetailing of the Otherworld and the very real sense of the God-self. The two are not mutually exclusive. I know and understand and have experienced the power and majesty of the ‘spirit of place’ and know that what I see with my physical eyes is an expression of deity, of the Unseen. I think it is the dilution of this into commercial off the shelf packages of spirituality that has caused the damage for those who have truly experienced a powerful and real Earth based connection and celebrate deity in this way.
Ones roots cannot be dismissed. How can my branches reach to and celebrate and glory in the wonder of the heavens if I am cut off at the roots? How can I produce fruit that feeds and nourishes my fellow travellers if I have no way of drawing up rich and life giving energy? How can my spiritual self exist if it is separated from that wonderful and rich source of ancestral memory?
I am really beginning to see and understand not just the validity, but the crucial importance of connecting with what has been described to me recently as the ‘folk soul’. This speaks to me of that immeasurable and profound spiritual reservoir that is full of ancestral knowledge, wisdom, experience and power; a rich and dynamic spiritual energy source.
What I am not speaking about here, however, is a slavish adherence to the past that expresses itself through some kind of nationalistic spiritual expression of the past. To my mind the person who walks between the worlds today brings back ancient wisdom that meets the needs of human kind today. Our path has to be relevant to today and whilst we know and experience our connection with ancient consciousness, we bring the power of this into the world that we find ourselves in now.
That’s not to water it down, that’s not to pretend, but rather to bring ancient wisdom and knowledge to our current situation through a moving on from our roots rather than an attempt to remain stuck.
This is the challenge for me as I take my next faltering steps on my spiritual journey. My intention is to connect with my guides and forebears and to truly understand and experience the wonder and power of their connection with the One Diviner Life and bring this into my experience in the Now. This is not about living my spiritual life vicariously through them, but rather to fully and dynamically appreciate the foundation upon which my spiritual path and experience is based. I want to truly value and appreciate the wonder of my forebears experience and to fully appreciate the roots that sustain me and the energy that springs from these roots that in turn spurs me on to new experiences and growth.
Sunday, 10 January 2010
Relationship With Deity
On reading through some of my old writings there are a number of themes that strike a chord with me today. One that resonates most strongly with me at the moment is relationship with Deity. It’s been good to check back and evaluate my spiritual journey as it was happening some months ago, in some cases, many months, because this has allowed to me capture the essence of that journey and has enabled me to see where I want to walk in the months that lie ahead. It’s no coincidence, I am sure, that Imbolc is just around the corner! Things are starting to stir indeed.
I think my entire spiritual journey can be summarised in the title of this entry – it’s all about my relationship with Deity. Back in the days of my Christian upbringing, whilst God was portrayed as a God of love, there was a theme running parallel to this that whilst not saying “this is what you have to do in order to win God’s love”, it was saying, and very clearly, “this is the behaviour, conduct, attitude, thought processes, beliefs and lifestyle you have to mirror in order to maintain God’s love.” There was this incredibly rigid, inflexible, almost hostile, heavy and suffocating code one had to adhere to that had the result of driving any creativity, spontaneous expression, diversity or freedom right out of the door. This had the simple and sad result of creating nothing other than clones, people who all spoke, thought and acted alike, no difference, no diversity, no creativity at all. Just sameness, all stirred together with a sense of having to reach out for God.
And it’s that sense of ‘reaching out’ that is weighing heavy on me today and it is this that has caused me to write this entry today. A mental picture that remains with me from my Charismatic Christian days is of gatherings of people (and don’t get me wrong, the majority of these people were sincere, lovely people) all singing praise to their God with their hands lifted to heaven. But these hands were not just lifted, there was something desperate here, something that spoke of a desperate hunger and a need to reach out and grab something and to pull whatever it was they found back into themselves. There was a tragedy about this and it was this picture that struck me quite vividly even when I still moved in those circles. This desperate desire was something of a neurosis and it spoke of huge effort on the part of the seeker. It left me empty.
No relationship, and most especially one with the Divine, is about rules and regulations. It can’t be about an adherence to a code or religious following of some kind of dogma – this isn’t what relationship is. Relationship is dynamic, it’s real, it has energy and power, it makes things happen, it creates things, it brings things to birth, it changes things and it’s celebratory and has moments of pure ecstasy. This is relationship!
Reflecting on my path to date I have come to see that my relationship with the One Divine Life is not about this strict and inflexible system, and neither is about looking up or back, it’s about looking within. I’ve come in for some criticism in saying this, and it’s so easy to interpret my words as little more than a call to navel gazing. This isn’t what I am saying at all. What I am saying is, as Doreen Valiente was inspired to write in her Change Of The Goddess “for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.” This isn’t just about knowing how one ticks, it’s not just about a call to psychology, it’s about understanding the Mystery and wonder that lies within each one of us.
Each of us is an expression of the One Divine Life and in this each of us is divine. Within me is the very magick that birthed creation. The same energy, the same dynamic, creative relationship. It’s not about a desperate and hungry reaching out, begging to be filled by some distant God, but rather an understanding of that relationship that already is manifest within. The wonder of all this is within me. And this doesn’t exist just to make me feel better, it’s not some egotistical thing, it’s a realisation that the beginning of which brings wholeness and healing not just to individuals, but to the land, our Earth.
My path is a journey that possibly over many lifetimes will take me closer to that ecstatic embrace of the Divine. And this starts, I feel, with understanding where my place truly lies with the One Divine Life, and taking that place begins with an acknowledgement that I, as I am today, am a perfect and pleasing expression of the One Divine Life.
I think my entire spiritual journey can be summarised in the title of this entry – it’s all about my relationship with Deity. Back in the days of my Christian upbringing, whilst God was portrayed as a God of love, there was a theme running parallel to this that whilst not saying “this is what you have to do in order to win God’s love”, it was saying, and very clearly, “this is the behaviour, conduct, attitude, thought processes, beliefs and lifestyle you have to mirror in order to maintain God’s love.” There was this incredibly rigid, inflexible, almost hostile, heavy and suffocating code one had to adhere to that had the result of driving any creativity, spontaneous expression, diversity or freedom right out of the door. This had the simple and sad result of creating nothing other than clones, people who all spoke, thought and acted alike, no difference, no diversity, no creativity at all. Just sameness, all stirred together with a sense of having to reach out for God.
And it’s that sense of ‘reaching out’ that is weighing heavy on me today and it is this that has caused me to write this entry today. A mental picture that remains with me from my Charismatic Christian days is of gatherings of people (and don’t get me wrong, the majority of these people were sincere, lovely people) all singing praise to their God with their hands lifted to heaven. But these hands were not just lifted, there was something desperate here, something that spoke of a desperate hunger and a need to reach out and grab something and to pull whatever it was they found back into themselves. There was a tragedy about this and it was this picture that struck me quite vividly even when I still moved in those circles. This desperate desire was something of a neurosis and it spoke of huge effort on the part of the seeker. It left me empty.
No relationship, and most especially one with the Divine, is about rules and regulations. It can’t be about an adherence to a code or religious following of some kind of dogma – this isn’t what relationship is. Relationship is dynamic, it’s real, it has energy and power, it makes things happen, it creates things, it brings things to birth, it changes things and it’s celebratory and has moments of pure ecstasy. This is relationship!
Reflecting on my path to date I have come to see that my relationship with the One Divine Life is not about this strict and inflexible system, and neither is about looking up or back, it’s about looking within. I’ve come in for some criticism in saying this, and it’s so easy to interpret my words as little more than a call to navel gazing. This isn’t what I am saying at all. What I am saying is, as Doreen Valiente was inspired to write in her Change Of The Goddess “for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.” This isn’t just about knowing how one ticks, it’s not just about a call to psychology, it’s about understanding the Mystery and wonder that lies within each one of us.
Each of us is an expression of the One Divine Life and in this each of us is divine. Within me is the very magick that birthed creation. The same energy, the same dynamic, creative relationship. It’s not about a desperate and hungry reaching out, begging to be filled by some distant God, but rather an understanding of that relationship that already is manifest within. The wonder of all this is within me. And this doesn’t exist just to make me feel better, it’s not some egotistical thing, it’s a realisation that the beginning of which brings wholeness and healing not just to individuals, but to the land, our Earth.
My path is a journey that possibly over many lifetimes will take me closer to that ecstatic embrace of the Divine. And this starts, I feel, with understanding where my place truly lies with the One Divine Life, and taking that place begins with an acknowledgement that I, as I am today, am a perfect and pleasing expression of the One Divine Life.
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Body and Soul
The reality of Rootedness that I spoke of in my previous body is not some static thing but rather something that is dynamic and vital. It’s not something that imprisons or keeps one anchored in some kind of stationary or sedentary way, but rather it is an ecstatic , spiritual reality that provides a dynamic connection to a source of spiritual power. From the womb of the Mother life is conceived following transformation and this is birthed anew within. All is change and change is constant, the evolution of the soul. The fire from the core of Earth pulsates within whilst my Spirit cries to the starry heavens. And here is a tension that I have struggled to reconcile for some time, a mystery that I have not fully understood: the relationship between body and soul. If you think I am going to explain that mystery in this post, then I am going to have to disappoint! This journal is simply a journal of markers, signposts within the fog of my own spiritual journey, I don’t claim to have any answers of any great significance. All I do here is record the steps that I take, as well as my frustrations of how slow those steps are all too often.
More than once, in a variety of ways, I have questioned the relationship of body and soul. I’ve been criticised in some pagan circles over the years for what some have called being ‘too serious’ or of blurring the line between the celebration of the body and spiritual experience, but I think some of the criticisms miss the point. In understanding the relationship between body and soul one starts to understand who one truly is. Am I my body? Am I not my body? I know that I am of this body, but I am also aware that I transcend this body. There is a dynamic relationship here that I still don’t fully understand. I am of the dust of the Earth, and my body will return to this Earth, but I also know, with increasing conviction, that housed within this body is something far greater. What has bothered some of my pagan friends, over the years, is that when I start to speak in this manner is they misunderstand my comments and interpret them as Christian-esque. Trust me, with my evangelical Christian past, this has bothered me too, but nothing could be further from the truth. What I am beginning to see is that the soul within me, far from being some kind of separate entity seeking salvation in order to return to God is in fact the spark of Divinity itself, not separate from, but part of, an ever evolving expression of the Divine Mind, part of The All, my own Divinity. In many ways I know not of what I speak, yet I sense this and as I sense it I feel such a resonance within that I can’t begin to explain, which probably isn’t any help to anyone!
This can’t be some kind of intellectual exercise, it has to be something of an experience, and whilst theory is important, at the end of the day what really counts is ones own spiritual experience. Increasingly what I am seeing is as one lives dependant upon the body one is dragged into a kind of spiritual treacle that is almost impossible to move within. The body is the vehicle, but it is not the all in all. The body is important, and it is to be celebrated, but it is not the end in itself. It has a purpose, but it is not the purpose itself. Attachment to the body does not allow for spiritual evolution because such an attachment leads to a dependence upon that which is seen, whereas, weird as it sounds, the reality it actually that which is unseen. And the unseen is not some kind of airy-fairy made up candy floss fluffy superficial thing, it is pure spiritual reality and part of spiritual growth is learning to cross the bridge from this level of consciousness to that which transcends dependence upon the body, it’s senses, it’s delusions and its limitations. Yes, these are all words that I’ve read before, but slowly they seem to be falling into place at a new level, at a new depth and in a new way.
But this raises anxiety as well as excitement because I know, only too well, how I cling to this body, even though this body fails me at every turn. The frailty of my body is evident, in recent months it has failed me further, requiring to be (surgically) patched up, once again, until it fails, again, and yet still I cling to it because to do otherwise causes fear to rise within me. The existence of this fear tells me that I have further to walk across the bridge and that whilst my picture of what lies beyond the bridge is getting clearer, I’ve still yet to fully cross the threshold that separates the levels of consciousness of which I speak. And the more I cling to this body the more I will suffer because that is all this vehicle can do, ultimately. My attention needs to shift from the seen to the unseen, from the delusion of the seen to the reality of the unseen.
From my humanity to my Divinity.
More than once, in a variety of ways, I have questioned the relationship of body and soul. I’ve been criticised in some pagan circles over the years for what some have called being ‘too serious’ or of blurring the line between the celebration of the body and spiritual experience, but I think some of the criticisms miss the point. In understanding the relationship between body and soul one starts to understand who one truly is. Am I my body? Am I not my body? I know that I am of this body, but I am also aware that I transcend this body. There is a dynamic relationship here that I still don’t fully understand. I am of the dust of the Earth, and my body will return to this Earth, but I also know, with increasing conviction, that housed within this body is something far greater. What has bothered some of my pagan friends, over the years, is that when I start to speak in this manner is they misunderstand my comments and interpret them as Christian-esque. Trust me, with my evangelical Christian past, this has bothered me too, but nothing could be further from the truth. What I am beginning to see is that the soul within me, far from being some kind of separate entity seeking salvation in order to return to God is in fact the spark of Divinity itself, not separate from, but part of, an ever evolving expression of the Divine Mind, part of The All, my own Divinity. In many ways I know not of what I speak, yet I sense this and as I sense it I feel such a resonance within that I can’t begin to explain, which probably isn’t any help to anyone!
This can’t be some kind of intellectual exercise, it has to be something of an experience, and whilst theory is important, at the end of the day what really counts is ones own spiritual experience. Increasingly what I am seeing is as one lives dependant upon the body one is dragged into a kind of spiritual treacle that is almost impossible to move within. The body is the vehicle, but it is not the all in all. The body is important, and it is to be celebrated, but it is not the end in itself. It has a purpose, but it is not the purpose itself. Attachment to the body does not allow for spiritual evolution because such an attachment leads to a dependence upon that which is seen, whereas, weird as it sounds, the reality it actually that which is unseen. And the unseen is not some kind of airy-fairy made up candy floss fluffy superficial thing, it is pure spiritual reality and part of spiritual growth is learning to cross the bridge from this level of consciousness to that which transcends dependence upon the body, it’s senses, it’s delusions and its limitations. Yes, these are all words that I’ve read before, but slowly they seem to be falling into place at a new level, at a new depth and in a new way.
But this raises anxiety as well as excitement because I know, only too well, how I cling to this body, even though this body fails me at every turn. The frailty of my body is evident, in recent months it has failed me further, requiring to be (surgically) patched up, once again, until it fails, again, and yet still I cling to it because to do otherwise causes fear to rise within me. The existence of this fear tells me that I have further to walk across the bridge and that whilst my picture of what lies beyond the bridge is getting clearer, I’ve still yet to fully cross the threshold that separates the levels of consciousness of which I speak. And the more I cling to this body the more I will suffer because that is all this vehicle can do, ultimately. My attention needs to shift from the seen to the unseen, from the delusion of the seen to the reality of the unseen.
From my humanity to my Divinity.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Imbolc Blessings
I went to a couple of Imbolc ceremonies this morning as opposed to conducting my own ceremony at home. Although I went on my own, I had a need to connect with others. I’m not always the most sociable of people, I like my own space and my own company, but today I had a need to connect, and I felt that the two separate, although connected ceremonies, would support that. I will still have my own private ritual this week, building upon some of the things that have come into place for me in recent weeks.
The two ceremonies were good – but they left me wanting more. I really don’t mean to sound pompous or arrogant when I say they showed me how far I have come over the years. I guess they were geared with the very new ‘seeker’ in mind, whereas I’ve been walking my path for many years and would have loved to have been presented with something a little more challenging and powerful. I guess that’s for my own solitary practice, and perhaps I can’t expect something quite so ‘full on’ in an open ritual of this nature. The ceremonies took place at The White Spring and Chalice Well, both in Glastonbury, two places that are very dear to my heart.
However, I found the reason for my needing to be there today in one reading that was given. It’s been credited to a number of people, and in truth I am not sure of its origin (hopefully someone will enlighten me!) but it goes like this:
This prayer struck me powerfully and spoke to me deeply. In the ceremony it was read out and as soon as it was read, the ceremony moved on, but I remained with it. I couldn’t move on. This was the reason I had to be there today and for me a new foundation was laid for my journey this year. It’s as though this prayer summarised all that my Path means to me and reflects where I have been, where I am now and where I am going. I was meant to hear this. I need to take one line at a time for the purpose of my Imbolc blog entry, forgive me if this sounds a little like a sermon!
Remind us daily of the sanctity of all life
All life is sacred. Nothing new there, you might think – but how real is that truth to you? What do you see as you walk this earth? That’s what struck me today. As I rush through life (and I am conscious that I tend to march and run as opposed to walk through each day!) The One Divine Life is made manifest in All Nature. The glory and wonder of Source is evident all around me each and every day I live my life. Why do I often seek and cry out for guidance, for a word, for a sign, when the wonder of the Divine surrounds me – more than that, is within and is part of me – each and every day of my life? There is also a call to action here, and I think this is something of the message for me this year – it’s as much about doing as it is about being. Both are required, both are necessary, both are needed. If all life is scared, then this demands that I not only notice it, but that I respect it and treat it as such. This is about walking the walk, living the life, responding to that clear call not just in word, but in the way I actually lead and live my life. It’s easy to write words on a blog, it’s easy to present something to others, to pull on the mask, to play the part, but just how real is it? I hunger for that reality.
Touch our hearts with the glorious oneness of all creation.
I’m increasingly aware of the journey my soul has made over many lifetimes and of my oneness with The All, with all creation, with all things. But now I find myself moving into a place where I am aware not only aware of this incredible oneness, but also of the wonder of my connection with all things. I can reach out and touch and feel and be one with The All because I am at one with The All and part of The All. This ‘glorious oneness’ this true and powerful connection is something that I want to move deeper into, to truly experience this and know this, to feel and hear the message from the Divine Mind and glory and revel in the dynamic of this interconnectedness.
As we strive to respect all the living beings on this planet.
For me this followed the theme of my own personal responsibility. It can’t be all about me seeking this and seeking that – it’s also about what I give to others, to the planet and how I embrace the sanctity of all things. It’s about my personal response to the love and power of the One Divine Life. It’s about my hearing the message from the One Divine Mind and acting accordingly. It’s the responsibility that follows the blessing; it’s the call to action. It’s not all about what I can get; it’s also about what I can give.
Penetrate our souls with the beauty of this earth, as we attune ourselves to the rhythm and flow of the seasons.
This is a deep and powerful attunement. It’s not just about dressing up in the correct seasonal colours, singing the correct songs and putting the correct things on our altar at the right time, it’s about a deep and inner attunement. It’s about a coming into oneness with the natural energy of the Earth and of the One Divine Life and living as One. It’s about stepping onto the ray beaming from Source. As we do this, our spiritual sensitivity grows, and with it our empathy. This is all part of the process of continual initiation, of spiralling ever deeper into the heart of Source and finding home there.
Awaken our minds with the knowledge to achieve a world in perfect harmony.
I think as magickal, spiritual beings, we have a role to play in ‘bringing things in.’ I don’t know how to express it in any other way, but I see myself as a Gatekeeper, as someone who ‘stands between’. As a Magickal Being, I hold that tension and I bring into being that which is required both in my life, and in the lives of others, those things that are needed to further and deepen ones progress and the reaching of ones spiritual potential. It’s all part of the discovery of my own spiritual journey and the acquiring of the knowledge we each need to move on, to progress and to bring that real, lasting and genuine harmony into our own lives and the experience of others. It’s about bringing into reality that which the Divine Mind sends deep into our own spirit.
Grant us the wisdom to realise that we can have heaven on earth.
And for me, at the moment, this is all about relationship with Source. Of enjoying that deep relationship, that dynamic relationship, with Spirit. Of recognising my own divinity, my own roots, my own place in The All and as part of The All, and glorying in that and celebrating that truth. It’s all about the balance of joy, celebration and personal responsibility, it’s the natural outworking of a personal relationship with The One Divine Life.
So it is this I move into this new calendar year, using this prayer as my blueprint. This blog will no doubt continue to record my journey, including my trips and falls, as I seek to make this a reality in my life.
The two ceremonies were good – but they left me wanting more. I really don’t mean to sound pompous or arrogant when I say they showed me how far I have come over the years. I guess they were geared with the very new ‘seeker’ in mind, whereas I’ve been walking my path for many years and would have loved to have been presented with something a little more challenging and powerful. I guess that’s for my own solitary practice, and perhaps I can’t expect something quite so ‘full on’ in an open ritual of this nature. The ceremonies took place at The White Spring and Chalice Well, both in Glastonbury, two places that are very dear to my heart.
However, I found the reason for my needing to be there today in one reading that was given. It’s been credited to a number of people, and in truth I am not sure of its origin (hopefully someone will enlighten me!) but it goes like this:
Mother, Father, God, Goddess, Universal Power
Remind us daily of the sanctity of all life.
Touch our hearts with the glorious oneness of all creation.
As we strive to respect all the living beings on this planet.
Penetrate our souls with the beauty of this earth, as we attune ourselves to the rhythm and flow of the seasons.
Awaken our minds with the knowledge to achieve a world in perfect harmony.
Grant us the wisdom to realise that we can have heaven on earth.
This prayer struck me powerfully and spoke to me deeply. In the ceremony it was read out and as soon as it was read, the ceremony moved on, but I remained with it. I couldn’t move on. This was the reason I had to be there today and for me a new foundation was laid for my journey this year. It’s as though this prayer summarised all that my Path means to me and reflects where I have been, where I am now and where I am going. I was meant to hear this. I need to take one line at a time for the purpose of my Imbolc blog entry, forgive me if this sounds a little like a sermon!
Remind us daily of the sanctity of all life
All life is sacred. Nothing new there, you might think – but how real is that truth to you? What do you see as you walk this earth? That’s what struck me today. As I rush through life (and I am conscious that I tend to march and run as opposed to walk through each day!) The One Divine Life is made manifest in All Nature. The glory and wonder of Source is evident all around me each and every day I live my life. Why do I often seek and cry out for guidance, for a word, for a sign, when the wonder of the Divine surrounds me – more than that, is within and is part of me – each and every day of my life? There is also a call to action here, and I think this is something of the message for me this year – it’s as much about doing as it is about being. Both are required, both are necessary, both are needed. If all life is scared, then this demands that I not only notice it, but that I respect it and treat it as such. This is about walking the walk, living the life, responding to that clear call not just in word, but in the way I actually lead and live my life. It’s easy to write words on a blog, it’s easy to present something to others, to pull on the mask, to play the part, but just how real is it? I hunger for that reality.
Touch our hearts with the glorious oneness of all creation.
I’m increasingly aware of the journey my soul has made over many lifetimes and of my oneness with The All, with all creation, with all things. But now I find myself moving into a place where I am aware not only aware of this incredible oneness, but also of the wonder of my connection with all things. I can reach out and touch and feel and be one with The All because I am at one with The All and part of The All. This ‘glorious oneness’ this true and powerful connection is something that I want to move deeper into, to truly experience this and know this, to feel and hear the message from the Divine Mind and glory and revel in the dynamic of this interconnectedness.
As we strive to respect all the living beings on this planet.
For me this followed the theme of my own personal responsibility. It can’t be all about me seeking this and seeking that – it’s also about what I give to others, to the planet and how I embrace the sanctity of all things. It’s about my personal response to the love and power of the One Divine Life. It’s about my hearing the message from the One Divine Mind and acting accordingly. It’s the responsibility that follows the blessing; it’s the call to action. It’s not all about what I can get; it’s also about what I can give.
Penetrate our souls with the beauty of this earth, as we attune ourselves to the rhythm and flow of the seasons.
This is a deep and powerful attunement. It’s not just about dressing up in the correct seasonal colours, singing the correct songs and putting the correct things on our altar at the right time, it’s about a deep and inner attunement. It’s about a coming into oneness with the natural energy of the Earth and of the One Divine Life and living as One. It’s about stepping onto the ray beaming from Source. As we do this, our spiritual sensitivity grows, and with it our empathy. This is all part of the process of continual initiation, of spiralling ever deeper into the heart of Source and finding home there.
Awaken our minds with the knowledge to achieve a world in perfect harmony.
I think as magickal, spiritual beings, we have a role to play in ‘bringing things in.’ I don’t know how to express it in any other way, but I see myself as a Gatekeeper, as someone who ‘stands between’. As a Magickal Being, I hold that tension and I bring into being that which is required both in my life, and in the lives of others, those things that are needed to further and deepen ones progress and the reaching of ones spiritual potential. It’s all part of the discovery of my own spiritual journey and the acquiring of the knowledge we each need to move on, to progress and to bring that real, lasting and genuine harmony into our own lives and the experience of others. It’s about bringing into reality that which the Divine Mind sends deep into our own spirit.
Grant us the wisdom to realise that we can have heaven on earth.
And for me, at the moment, this is all about relationship with Source. Of enjoying that deep relationship, that dynamic relationship, with Spirit. Of recognising my own divinity, my own roots, my own place in The All and as part of The All, and glorying in that and celebrating that truth. It’s all about the balance of joy, celebration and personal responsibility, it’s the natural outworking of a personal relationship with The One Divine Life.
So it is this I move into this new calendar year, using this prayer as my blueprint. This blog will no doubt continue to record my journey, including my trips and falls, as I seek to make this a reality in my life.
Saturday, 13 September 2008
Change
I have a growing confidence in myself, and this confidence is coming not from some kind of arrogant, puffed up, over inflated ego, 'holier than thou', type place, but from an ever deepening awareness of my own place in all things. As opposed to seeing myself as a kind of misfit, which I think is how I have probably viewed myself for too long, I am seeing myself as a jigsaw piece that brings completeness to a particular picture, a particular place in time. It's not that I don't fit, it's more that I am a necessary part that helps me, and everything and everyone else, fit. I have a role to play. It's back to this thing of all being connected, interconnected, all One. As I find my own true will, my own natural self, and as I move in relation to my true self, thus avoiding inner (and indeed outer) conflict, so the jigsaw becomes complete, so things begin to make sense and so I begin to play my part in making the picture complete and support and enable others to play their own part also.
There is something about personal responsibility here. I am the master of my own destiny, not a victim of circumstance, but a magickal being who creates my own destiny. It is my responsibility to be true to who I truly am, to act in accordance with my own true will, to follow my course in relation with the The All and to take confidence and responsibility in who I Am. This means more than simply speaking my truth, it's about being my truth. Every facet of me needs to authentically radiate my own reality, my own truth. As I move in accordance with my own true will and as I enjoy the inner harmony this brings, this harmony is what those around me will encounter. This is becoming increasingly important to me.
I am finding that so much of this has it's birth in my appreciation of my true connection with The All. In this past week, as I have been calling in the elements, and knowing that as I become those elements, within and without, I have been experiencing my true connection with them, as if my body holds the tension between them, if that makes any sense. I have been aware of not just 'holding that space' as it has been said to me before, but actually holding that tension, that real sense of energy in the centre of all. The sense of energy has been quite amazing, quite powerful.
I feel this is crucial, as I sense change coming, yet again. I am anticipating change in my work, both in the expectations of me in relation to my work, and my geographical location. Neither of these things bring any sense of joy, but I know that I need to be in a place where I am in control of what is happening to me, and of my reactions to the change. I can't allow myself to be 'done to' in this sense, but I need to see my place within this change and where I need to be. Somewhere in here it's about recognising what this moment is all about, and what I am to bring to this moment. Change can't be something that happens to me, it has to be a process that I am part of and instrumental within and as such I feel that I am being prepared for this. It's like a lesson.
There's a sense of authority here, again, not in egotistical way, but in a sense of truly standing up as a Priest of Goddess, and truly celebrating her immanence. Her qualities are within me and of me, as I am in and of her, so I move in that power, I move in that authority and I need to begin to bring this into reality here on the material plane.
There is something about personal responsibility here. I am the master of my own destiny, not a victim of circumstance, but a magickal being who creates my own destiny. It is my responsibility to be true to who I truly am, to act in accordance with my own true will, to follow my course in relation with the The All and to take confidence and responsibility in who I Am. This means more than simply speaking my truth, it's about being my truth. Every facet of me needs to authentically radiate my own reality, my own truth. As I move in accordance with my own true will and as I enjoy the inner harmony this brings, this harmony is what those around me will encounter. This is becoming increasingly important to me.
I am finding that so much of this has it's birth in my appreciation of my true connection with The All. In this past week, as I have been calling in the elements, and knowing that as I become those elements, within and without, I have been experiencing my true connection with them, as if my body holds the tension between them, if that makes any sense. I have been aware of not just 'holding that space' as it has been said to me before, but actually holding that tension, that real sense of energy in the centre of all. The sense of energy has been quite amazing, quite powerful.
I feel this is crucial, as I sense change coming, yet again. I am anticipating change in my work, both in the expectations of me in relation to my work, and my geographical location. Neither of these things bring any sense of joy, but I know that I need to be in a place where I am in control of what is happening to me, and of my reactions to the change. I can't allow myself to be 'done to' in this sense, but I need to see my place within this change and where I need to be. Somewhere in here it's about recognising what this moment is all about, and what I am to bring to this moment. Change can't be something that happens to me, it has to be a process that I am part of and instrumental within and as such I feel that I am being prepared for this. It's like a lesson.
There's a sense of authority here, again, not in egotistical way, but in a sense of truly standing up as a Priest of Goddess, and truly celebrating her immanence. Her qualities are within me and of me, as I am in and of her, so I move in that power, I move in that authority and I need to begin to bring this into reality here on the material plane.
Sunday, 10 August 2008
Honesty
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on my blog, which is unusual for me, but then it’s been something of an unusual time. Today I have had time to collect my thoughts and have been on a walking meditation, first to Glastonbury Tor, and then around Chalice Well, two favourite places of mine, and I feel far more centred and at peace as a result. I think this is going to probably turn into one of my classic rambles, so if it makes no sense, I apologise. But then, it’s a blog about my own journey and I feel that I’m just coming out of a time of confusion, so perhaps if it makes no sense it’s pretty reflective of where I’ve been of late! This blog is one that charts the highs and lows of my journey, and the very last thing I want to do is pretend that I’m someone I’m not or that I’m somewhere I’m not. For me, truth, transparency and integrity are key to any spiritual journey that has it’s roots in reality.
Seeing my father in hospital was not so much a shock as something of an awakening. Seeing him sat there, next to his hospital bed, wired up to a monitor somehow jolted me into a deeper sense of the transient nature of this incarnation. Death has been close to me over the past few months, well, many months in fact, in the sense that life, death and rebirth are realities and part of the mystery of my path, however, seeing dad all wired up was like a visual aid to this reality. In very recent years I have lost too many family members, as well as a beloved pet who was my best friend, crazy as that may sound. Here, before me in Yeovil District Hospital, was another testimony to the fact that whilst everything is forever because nothing really dies, the vehicle we use for each incarnation is not. Dad’s ‘vehicle’ was in something of a protest, it was failing, it was frail, yet he was very much alive. Each ‘bleep’ of the machine showed that his heart was working, yet in a sense it worked to foster that relationship between vehicles, whereas the reality I was after was deeper than that. This reality was spirit to spirit connection - this is where I’ve been this past week or so: an overwhelming feeling of wanting to break out of the prison that this vehicle often imposes and an all encompassing desire to leap into the reality of what it actually means to be Me. I’m not sure that sounds terribly pagan, but I’m discovering that this really is the heart of my path. I’m not talking about some pseudo-spiritual naval gazing exercise that is little more than a manipulation of the emotions of the psychologically fragile, but rather a true and dynamic spiritual journey to Myself. The heart of Me.
Somehow, somewhere, there is a balance, a dynamic, powerful, vital and real balance between being alive in this vehicle, and being truly Spirit, truly Me. Somewhere there’s a coming together of the two, some kind of divine relationship, yet at the same time both are separate. Today walking up the Tor was wonderful in a very physical, earthy, grounded sense. Rain was in the air, but it wasn’t really raining, the wind was blowing in my face, even taking my breath away at times. The view was interchanging between dark clouds, mist and heavy rain on the horizon to lovely warming sunny intervals where I could see for miles. I was so aware of every human emotion and the joy and wonder of actually being in this vehicle at this moment in time – in the now. It was lovely, it was great and I felt really alive in this body and my body loved the immediate connection with all that was around me. It was like a celebration of my humanity. Grounded, Earthed, I was part of everything that I could see and touch; I was connected with and to everything, but in a very physical sense and also in a very sexual sense. It was a wonder.
At Chalice Well I stood in my favourite place, between the two Yews. I love this spot as much as the actual Wellhead, as for me it resonates such a powerful energy of the reality of balance, of standing between the worlds, and of my calling to hold this balance in so many different ways. As I stood there I could feel myself falling, and I was falling and spiralling, yet at the same time I knew I was connected to this vast web, the Web Of Life. I could see myself on this Web and knew my part and role on the Web and although it felt like I had no control, I had total control. I had such a sense of connection, of being one with and part of the All. I was nothing, yet Everything, all at the same time, so small, yet huge and vast because I am part of the All, weak, yet so ultimately powerful, because, once again, I am part of the All.
As I walked to the Wellhead my mind was rushing with all these things I do that are simply just reflections of the me that I’ve been moulded to me, and not the me that is truly the me before name and form. Even work, my job, is in so many ways a falsification of type. Even the Bower Hinton Bike Ride that is in so many ways so very important, faded into nothing as I walked to the Wellhead and became simply another guy rope that was holding me back from a real sense of personal freedom. I saw, again, a need for another round of letting go!
Back in Glastonbury town centre I met someone who in reality I only know in a very superficial way, but today we spoke on a deeper level. She asked how I was, and I thought I would answer honestly as opposed to offering the usual socially polite tripe. At one point she said “It often seems like we find ourselves in the same place, but actually each time we find ourselves in a familiar place, we’re actually there needing to go deeper” and for me that was something of a confirmation of where I have been recently. There have been times where it has felt like I’ve been treading water, or going round in circles, and at times this has even caused me to doubt the reality of my spirituality, but actually I’ve been walking a labyrinth of continual initiation, a walk into and our from the heart of Me, the heart of Goddess and God.
Sometimes it feels like a labyrinth of fire, yet fire is the element of transformation. Fire brings freedom, spiritual reality, and power, it brings real and lasting change, it is cleansing, transforming, releasing, renewing, energizing. It brings light to ones path, and it burns away the dross, the rubbish, the clutter and it leaves the finest gold. It’s the element of alchemy, and I think this is the cauldron I’ve been in, in recent weeks!
The challenge now is to move on from here and not procrastinate. A real and magickal work is taking place, and I need to move with it into a new place.
Seeing my father in hospital was not so much a shock as something of an awakening. Seeing him sat there, next to his hospital bed, wired up to a monitor somehow jolted me into a deeper sense of the transient nature of this incarnation. Death has been close to me over the past few months, well, many months in fact, in the sense that life, death and rebirth are realities and part of the mystery of my path, however, seeing dad all wired up was like a visual aid to this reality. In very recent years I have lost too many family members, as well as a beloved pet who was my best friend, crazy as that may sound. Here, before me in Yeovil District Hospital, was another testimony to the fact that whilst everything is forever because nothing really dies, the vehicle we use for each incarnation is not. Dad’s ‘vehicle’ was in something of a protest, it was failing, it was frail, yet he was very much alive. Each ‘bleep’ of the machine showed that his heart was working, yet in a sense it worked to foster that relationship between vehicles, whereas the reality I was after was deeper than that. This reality was spirit to spirit connection - this is where I’ve been this past week or so: an overwhelming feeling of wanting to break out of the prison that this vehicle often imposes and an all encompassing desire to leap into the reality of what it actually means to be Me. I’m not sure that sounds terribly pagan, but I’m discovering that this really is the heart of my path. I’m not talking about some pseudo-spiritual naval gazing exercise that is little more than a manipulation of the emotions of the psychologically fragile, but rather a true and dynamic spiritual journey to Myself. The heart of Me.
Somehow, somewhere, there is a balance, a dynamic, powerful, vital and real balance between being alive in this vehicle, and being truly Spirit, truly Me. Somewhere there’s a coming together of the two, some kind of divine relationship, yet at the same time both are separate. Today walking up the Tor was wonderful in a very physical, earthy, grounded sense. Rain was in the air, but it wasn’t really raining, the wind was blowing in my face, even taking my breath away at times. The view was interchanging between dark clouds, mist and heavy rain on the horizon to lovely warming sunny intervals where I could see for miles. I was so aware of every human emotion and the joy and wonder of actually being in this vehicle at this moment in time – in the now. It was lovely, it was great and I felt really alive in this body and my body loved the immediate connection with all that was around me. It was like a celebration of my humanity. Grounded, Earthed, I was part of everything that I could see and touch; I was connected with and to everything, but in a very physical sense and also in a very sexual sense. It was a wonder.
At Chalice Well I stood in my favourite place, between the two Yews. I love this spot as much as the actual Wellhead, as for me it resonates such a powerful energy of the reality of balance, of standing between the worlds, and of my calling to hold this balance in so many different ways. As I stood there I could feel myself falling, and I was falling and spiralling, yet at the same time I knew I was connected to this vast web, the Web Of Life. I could see myself on this Web and knew my part and role on the Web and although it felt like I had no control, I had total control. I had such a sense of connection, of being one with and part of the All. I was nothing, yet Everything, all at the same time, so small, yet huge and vast because I am part of the All, weak, yet so ultimately powerful, because, once again, I am part of the All.
As I walked to the Wellhead my mind was rushing with all these things I do that are simply just reflections of the me that I’ve been moulded to me, and not the me that is truly the me before name and form. Even work, my job, is in so many ways a falsification of type. Even the Bower Hinton Bike Ride that is in so many ways so very important, faded into nothing as I walked to the Wellhead and became simply another guy rope that was holding me back from a real sense of personal freedom. I saw, again, a need for another round of letting go!
Back in Glastonbury town centre I met someone who in reality I only know in a very superficial way, but today we spoke on a deeper level. She asked how I was, and I thought I would answer honestly as opposed to offering the usual socially polite tripe. At one point she said “It often seems like we find ourselves in the same place, but actually each time we find ourselves in a familiar place, we’re actually there needing to go deeper” and for me that was something of a confirmation of where I have been recently. There have been times where it has felt like I’ve been treading water, or going round in circles, and at times this has even caused me to doubt the reality of my spirituality, but actually I’ve been walking a labyrinth of continual initiation, a walk into and our from the heart of Me, the heart of Goddess and God.
Sometimes it feels like a labyrinth of fire, yet fire is the element of transformation. Fire brings freedom, spiritual reality, and power, it brings real and lasting change, it is cleansing, transforming, releasing, renewing, energizing. It brings light to ones path, and it burns away the dross, the rubbish, the clutter and it leaves the finest gold. It’s the element of alchemy, and I think this is the cauldron I’ve been in, in recent weeks!
The challenge now is to move on from here and not procrastinate. A real and magickal work is taking place, and I need to move with it into a new place.
Monday, 9 June 2008
Spiritual Reality
I turned over 3 tarot cards in my meditation this morning, and all three carry a similar message. The message is one of testing and making sure that my spiritual experience is based on reality, on truth. The cards are warning of trusting an illusion, of placing my faith and confidence on something that is less than substantial, there is also a warning of fooling myself, of believing that I've had some kind of spiritual experience, when in fact, I've not. Rather sobering, first thing in the morning, I have to say! It was difficult not to come back down to earth with an almighty thud!
I began to read the cards in the context of where Spirit has been taking me in recent weeks. It's been a tough journey of late, a time of being frank and honest with myself and being brave enough to face up to myself. I've been dropping the mask, being real, letting go, allowing 'little deaths' to take place and to embrace the truth of me as seen through the eyes of the Lord and Lady.
In this context, I see the cards of this morning as reinforcing my need to check out what is presented to me for its worth, for its truth, for its value, before I embrace it. Just as I need to be clear about my own motives, so I need to be clear on the motives of those who present things to me, and of the substance of those things that are actually presented to me. I can't afford to be a spiritual goldfish, swallowing everything that is offered.
I have no desire to be a 'fluffy bunny'. I do not want to be someone who sees only love and light, someone who dances solely on the mountains and falls apart when one has to spend some time in the valley. I embrace and accept my dark side, along that of my light, both are equally part of me and both are equally valid. I don't want to be the kind Pagan who buys 'off the shelf spells' and refuses to accept that there's an inner work that needs to take place, or the sort who bulks at any suggestion that spiritual progress demands effort and dedication. I want to give myself to the work, to the Craft.
It's impossible to ignore that the focus for now is on my inner self, my inner landscape - getting it right, getting it sound. I seem to be constantly directed back to securing that foundation, and now it's about being honest as to where I place my confidence and trust. I work hard in the mundane world and my material life is comfortable, I can't deny that. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable about that, sometimes I don't even like it that much, but I think now I'm being asked if this is where I place my confidence and trust. It could vanish over night, my job could go tomorrow, it's more than possible - where would I be then? It's a question of foundation, of being authentic and genuine about that which I build upon. I can pontificate for all I'm worth, but where is my spiritual life at when the rubber hits the road? Where is my confidence, faith and trust based, really?
If all I am building is illusion, it isn't going to get me or others anywhere and I want my spiritual experience to benefit others in a real way. I don't want illusion, and I don't want my spiritual life to just be a bolt-on, simply just a cherry on the cake, I want spiritual reality. I want to fully know the Lord and Lady, just as they know me.
I began to read the cards in the context of where Spirit has been taking me in recent weeks. It's been a tough journey of late, a time of being frank and honest with myself and being brave enough to face up to myself. I've been dropping the mask, being real, letting go, allowing 'little deaths' to take place and to embrace the truth of me as seen through the eyes of the Lord and Lady.
In this context, I see the cards of this morning as reinforcing my need to check out what is presented to me for its worth, for its truth, for its value, before I embrace it. Just as I need to be clear about my own motives, so I need to be clear on the motives of those who present things to me, and of the substance of those things that are actually presented to me. I can't afford to be a spiritual goldfish, swallowing everything that is offered.
I have no desire to be a 'fluffy bunny'. I do not want to be someone who sees only love and light, someone who dances solely on the mountains and falls apart when one has to spend some time in the valley. I embrace and accept my dark side, along that of my light, both are equally part of me and both are equally valid. I don't want to be the kind Pagan who buys 'off the shelf spells' and refuses to accept that there's an inner work that needs to take place, or the sort who bulks at any suggestion that spiritual progress demands effort and dedication. I want to give myself to the work, to the Craft.
It's impossible to ignore that the focus for now is on my inner self, my inner landscape - getting it right, getting it sound. I seem to be constantly directed back to securing that foundation, and now it's about being honest as to where I place my confidence and trust. I work hard in the mundane world and my material life is comfortable, I can't deny that. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable about that, sometimes I don't even like it that much, but I think now I'm being asked if this is where I place my confidence and trust. It could vanish over night, my job could go tomorrow, it's more than possible - where would I be then? It's a question of foundation, of being authentic and genuine about that which I build upon. I can pontificate for all I'm worth, but where is my spiritual life at when the rubber hits the road? Where is my confidence, faith and trust based, really?
If all I am building is illusion, it isn't going to get me or others anywhere and I want my spiritual experience to benefit others in a real way. I don't want illusion, and I don't want my spiritual life to just be a bolt-on, simply just a cherry on the cake, I want spiritual reality. I want to fully know the Lord and Lady, just as they know me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
