Change

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

This famous quote made by Charles Darwin and the theme of change has been resonating with me for some time. It seems that on every level of my life, both internally and externally, change is afoot, and what is also interesting is that it is happening almost irrespectively of my engagement with it. It is happening, regardless, and the call to me is to move and allow the change to work what it needs to work within me.

And as change happens in the ‘mundane’ (although I don’t like to use that term) so it happens, and has to happen, on the spiritual plane. My path is a path of transformation, one of the evolution of my soul, In order to grow in the understanding of the dynamic of my own True Will so I have to open myself to change, to powerful transformation . . . to growth.

And this growth can be painful, as can all change. The transformative path I am walking is leading me deeper into appreciating that the call is to know the Will of my Soul, and to lay down the will of the ego. The clash and the battle at the centre of this can be immense. In some ways this internal tension is being played out at all levels around me at the moment, from structural and organisational changes at work, to changes with my own health, health struggles being experienced by my dearest friend, to changes in family dynamics and relationships through to changes in other interpersonal relationships. It’s everywhere and the changes I see externally simply work to mirror those that are taking place – or demanding to take place, within. If I am to listen to the quote above by Darwin, my response to this internal change is significant.

So what is my own true will? I’ve asked this question again and again on this blog, but I see that this is a question that I will continually ask because my own true will is dynamic and changing and not static. It has to be dynamic because change is constant in that it is constantly working to bring me nearer to fully understanding and appreciating the nature of my true will.

As I understand my own true will today it is to fully know and experience my true connection with The All. That sounds very simplistic, but then it has to be simplistic if I am to summarise it one sentence. For me my own true will is about really stepping into that place where I take up my role as a cog in the Universe that supports true interconnection and that draws the power and energy of that connection into my core and thus see it radiated into the Earth and into the lives of others. Being one with The One Divine Life. Being one with the Universe, the Cosmos. Simply being part of Source.

So the path of transformation for me at the moment is about removing those ties that bind, that hold me back, that restrict and hinder my move forward. These may be physical things, things are ‘out there’ on this plane, and they may be internal things, things of the ego, things of the past, perhaps even things of past lives, things that need more than to be released, they need to be divested of their power and part of that is about me stopping acting and thinking in such ways that actually gives these restrictive binds their power.

And this is why connection with spirit of place and with ancestors is important for me at the moment, because I see what is happening is like a paring back to the simple – back to that which really matters, that which is of value, is of meaning and that will forward the work of truly knowing and achieving the nature of my own true will.

Even more simply own true will is to know my Gods and be as one and at one with them. To take up my part in the Dance of Life and dance my steps at the right time and in time. To hear the beat and the rhythm and to dance accordingly no matter who or what is watching. To do this I need to do more than listen to the music, I need to become part of the music.

Change

I have a growing confidence in myself, and this confidence is coming not from some kind of arrogant, puffed up, over inflated ego, 'holier than thou', type place, but from an ever deepening awareness of my own place in all things. As opposed to seeing myself as a kind of misfit, which I think is how I have probably viewed myself for too long, I am seeing myself as a jigsaw piece that brings completeness to a particular picture, a particular place in time. It's not that I don't fit, it's more that I am a necessary part that helps me, and everything and everyone else, fit. I have a role to play. It's back to this thing of all being connected, interconnected, all One. As I find my own true will, my own natural self, and as I move in relation to my true self, thus avoiding inner (and indeed outer) conflict, so the jigsaw becomes complete, so things begin to make sense and so I begin to play my part in making the picture complete and support and enable others to play their own part also.

There is something about personal responsibility here. I am the master of my own destiny, not a victim of circumstance, but a magickal being who creates my own destiny. It is my responsibility to be true to who I truly am, to act in accordance with my own true will, to follow my course in relation with the The All and to take confidence and responsibility in who I Am. This means more than simply speaking my truth, it's about being my truth. Every facet of me needs to authentically radiate my own reality, my own truth. As I move in accordance with my own true will and as I enjoy the inner harmony this brings, this harmony is what those around me will encounter. This is becoming increasingly important to me.

I am finding that so much of this has it's birth in my appreciation of my true connection with The All. In this past week, as I have been calling in the elements, and knowing that as I become those elements, within and without, I have been experiencing my true connection with them, as if my body holds the tension between them, if that makes any sense. I have been aware of not just 'holding that space' as it has been said to me before, but actually holding that tension, that real sense of energy in the centre of all. The sense of energy has been quite amazing, quite powerful.

I feel this is crucial, as I sense change coming, yet again. I am anticipating change in my work, both in the expectations of me in relation to my work, and my geographical location. Neither of these things bring any sense of joy, but I know that I need to be in a place where I am in control of what is happening to me, and of my reactions to the change. I can't allow myself to be 'done to' in this sense, but I need to see my place within this change and where I need to be. Somewhere in here it's about recognising what this moment is all about, and what I am to bring to this moment. Change can't be something that happens to me, it has to be a process that I am part of and instrumental within and as such I feel that I am being prepared for this. It's like a lesson.

There's a sense of authority here, again, not in egotistical way, but in a sense of truly standing up as a Priest of Goddess, and truly celebrating her immanence. Her qualities are within me and of me, as I am in and of her, so I move in that power, I move in that authority and I need to begin to bring this into reality here on the material plane.

Essence Of Me

It's strange, considering that I talked about stability the other day, as I turned the 9 of Cups in my meditation yesterday, and this card talks about stability - the stability that comes from building on a firm and strong foundation, and this foundation arrives from the assimilation of all that I have been talking about here in recent months. Pagan bookshops are full of books that have instant spells, instant initiation, instant this, that and the other, but true initiation, true spirituality, is anything but instant. It comes from commitment, dedication, preparation and genuine surrender to the Lord and Lady.

The internal work I have been speaking about is something that is on-going, it's a process that needs to continue, as it is one that is leading me deeper into the experience of the manifestation of Higher Self - it's leading to initiation. These past couple of days work has taken over again, but now I need to claim some time back and over the weekend I want to get back into the Dion Fortune book, not to follow it slavishly, but in order to learn from her own experience and wisdom. I know that I have changed quite a lot in recent weeks, Spirit is at work, and I want this work to continue. For this to happen, I need to clear some space, and that can be as simply as taking an hour out with a book!

Transformation and growth is the fruit of my Pagan journey. Theurgy is what it is all about for me, my own personal transformation. My hearts desire is to experience what I once read as the 'ecstatic embrace of the Divine' and for me, this is about deepening my connection with the One Divine Life. I know I am connected, and I know that I experience this connection in a real way, but I want to move further forward in genuine and real experience of this.

This comes, I am sure, from a place of rest. I remember reading a text by Crowley where he spoke about ones own true will being not about purpose. I need to revisit the text, as I didn't fully comprehend the entire piece at the time, but I do remember being left with an impression of true spiritual experience coming not from some desperate seeking of meaning, but rather from a deep and profound revelation of ones true self, who one is as opposed to what one does. I'm sure Crowley meant more than that, but at the moment, it's that aspect that is talking to me the strongest. So the dedication, the commitment, the work that one needs to apply comes not from some desperate neurotic need to please or impress, as with the Lord and Lady there are no points to win, as love is there no matter what. No, it comes not from striving, but from a place of peace and a place of inner commitment to change, and a sense of knowing that this change will be for ones highest good and that the change will bring one to a place of knowing ones own true will. Simply Being.

And this brings me back to something that Shepton Witch said a few days ago, and, strangely, was something I think I said to her at much the same time, so it had to be right - it's about ones own true essence; that 'essence of me.' This is the true constant because this is who I was before name and form, before I adapted to this mundane world. It's about recapturing that essence of me and allow that to seep through all the other stuff.This is the me that Goddess and God see when they look at me, and this is the me I need to start seeing when I look in the mirror.

Welcoming Change

The Knight of Swords made an appearance in my morning meditation today. He heralds change, sudden change, sometimes unexpected change - this can even mean sudden illness. Herein lies the importance of interpreting cards with the surrounding cards!

As I looked to the other two cards drawn, I saw that at this moment for me, this is about inner change. Real, deep, lasting inner change, and a need for me to respond on a level I have yet not fully achieved to all that has been presented to me in recent weeks and months. The path has been laid out before me, I have the invitation, I have the tools, I have the will and desire, all I need to do now is give myself. I have done this, but the call of recent weeks has been to move deeper, to take further steps, to delve more fully into the mysteries of spiritual experience, to allow ever deeper workings of transformation. To really experience my own divinity, my own connection, my own birthright. It's like I'm being presented with the reality - I've been calling for transformation, I've been hungering for it, but am I really prepared for all that means? When we talk about the inner landscape, sometimes the soil needs to be rotovated!

Part of this is about developing greater intuition. I know this is a gift of mine, but I'm lazy with it. I don't work with it like I could. I don't listen to the prompting of my Guides as I get lost in the muddle and hassle of the day. In the quiet of meditation, it's fine, but I also need to remain tuned in where the rubber hits the road, in the cut and thrust of the day, when the phone wont stop ringing and when everyone is demanding a piece of me. It's here, in these times, that I need to hear the Lord and Lady, my Guides and Ancestors, it's here that I need my Totems. This for me is part of the current mystery - nurturing and moving in connection with and knowledge of the ebb and flow of my inner world within the daily chaos of my working life. I don't want to step in and step out of my magickal world, I want to take it with me.

I was saying on Friday that stagnation equals death, and I turned the same card today that took me on this journey last week - the 2 of discs. The power of the Ace polarised. Moving with change as a recognition that change must happen for life to flourish, for growth to occur. Keying in to the shifts and changes, the movement of Spirit, being sensitive to those small but significant changes.

Change is all around, it's happening at every level and part of my life and there is a large part of me that cries out for stability, for security, for that which I know and understand, yet I'm being taken deeper into new areas, new things, things that I cannot second guess or predict, both materially and spiritually. Change is a constant and in truth - I don't like it. Sometimes it feels like my foundations have been rocked at every moment of my life, that as soon as something feels right, it's gone, it's changed, it's not the same. To have such a spread today that shows me that not only is change a reality, it's a present reality and it's also a necessity is scary.

And here I am on the eve of New Moon, a time where change is signaled, a moving from darkness into light. Life is gestated in darkness, but it searches for the light. I need to open myself to change, to lay the fears and insecurities down and move on along the path that is being opened up for me.

Transformation

"My first counsel is this: Possess a pure, kindly and radiant heart, that there may be a sovereignty ancient, imperishable and everlasting"

Baha'u'llah (1817 - 1892)

It seems really odd for me to be posting a quote from the Baha'i faith, but when I read this it really struck me. It's funny, as I read more about people's thoughts and feelings around paganism, witchcraft and magick I seem to find just how rich and varied are the thoughts and views held by practitioners. The one that has hit me the most powerfully recently is the separation between religion and magick. This quote, although not associated with a magickal path speaks to me of the outcome I would want to see for myself from my own spiritual path.

I don't think one has to walk a religious path to practice magick or to be magickal. I don't think for one moment that religion is for everyone, but what I do feel, deep inside myself, is a continual draw towards Spirit, to someone greater than me. I have a conviction that I am a spiritual person, yet the roots, practice and outworking of my own spiritual practice are pagan in nature and do not form part of any organised religion - ancient or modern. I don't like labels or pigeonholing, I resist such labels as they only work to restrict and hinder. However, balanced with this is a need to respect ones path and tradition and I am increasingly aware of this.

I'm thinking of the comments I made a few days ago about the importance of a personal and identifiable philosophy, and mine is based upon a deep awareness of Goddess and God, of the Divine encompassing the sacred male and female, not so much in a sense of balance, but in relationship, in unity. Not one needing the other, not in a power struggle between patriarchy and matriarchy, but rather a deep united relationship of creativity and power - a union that brings life. It also brings profound change. This relationship is evidenced in all nature.

The kindly, pure and radiant heart evolves from the experience of this relationship. From encountering the Divine, releasing the Divine within and from allowing the light of fire to burn deep into ones own soul and experience. For me this can only bring change and transformation on a deep and profound level. One cannot experience Divinity and remain unchanged. This isn't all love and light, it's about profound and deep experience.

From all this comes that ancient sense of imperishable and everlasting Sovereignty - that authority, that freedom, that rightful status. It's what I call the New Birthright and this flows from that point of initiation.

And initiation, it increasingly seems to me, is a continual process!