Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Knowing, Feeling, Being

Three words came to me very strongly in my meditation this morning:

"Knowing, feeling, being"

Knowing in terms of knowing my relationship with Deity and truly experiencing that relationship in a real and profound way. In knowing Deity I discover myself, my true self, and my own true will. In that relationship I know Goddess and I know God, it's a relationship that is dynamic, personal, deep and meaningful. In knowing Goddess and God the mysteries become known to me, as They reveal them. The elements bind me to Goddess and God and I begin to know Them as They know me - it's a mutual relationship.

Knowing in terms of knowing my Guides (I have 2 that I am aware of) and my animal guides (I have 3 that I am aware of). I saw a picture of myself with my animal guides this morning, and I have a closer awareness of them being with me as a result of this, but again this is something that I want to be real. Here too is a relationship, an experience, that I want to nurture, grow and develop. I know the things my Guides, and animal guides want to bring, their qualities, but this is an area where I struggle a little because I am conscious that it sounds 'fluffy' and I don't want it to be that way. I hunger after spiritual reality above all else.

Feeling in terms of feeling my own true emotions. One thing working with Sulis has shown me is the fact that it's so easy to carry thoughts, feelings, reactions and emotions that do not belong to me. I am now able to place them where they truly belong, and not drag them around with me like some dead weight over my shoulder. Feelings in terms of daring to feel, to really feel and experience emotion as a man. To truly know what it means and what it feels like to be human, yet at the same time know and truly feel what it feels like to be a magickal being. To glory in my humanity and to celebrate my spirituality, and the totality of the one and the both. Feeling in terms of touching and experiencing this world, the wonder of it and the wonder of all things in it, and the relationship of all things. To know and to feel that I am part of The All. Not a spectator, not an observer, but an integral part, and to feel the wonder and amazement of that. To be free to feel.

Being in terms of being who I truly am, before name and form. To truly be free to be me, to dare to be me, to step into me and the wonder of me - to celebrate Me! Being in terms of laying down drives, purpose, effort and striving and to relax and sink into being. To let everything else fade away as the wonder and joy of being washes over and through me. To fall into the arms of Goddess and to allow myself to be held, not to resist, not to struggle, but to accept Her embrace and not fight it. Being in terms of knowing that being me is okay - without excuses and without justification. Just being is enough, in fact it's more than enough!

As these three words, with their simplicity and yet at the same time their enormity washed over me I was conscious of the phrase "I am your Child." I am a Child of the Goddess, and of the God, their Child, and they are my First Parents. I am as a Child, but not childish, experiencing the joy and wonder of knowing, of feeling, of being and of entering into the relationship that brings these wonders.

This is true connection with the One Divine Life - the joy of that intimate relationship.


Tess said...

I think the way you write of connectedness and mutuality is very beautiful. Thank you for this glimpse into your meditation.
And on feeling, yes I also struggle with truth in emotion. It can be difficult to separate out one's own feelings, and I like the way you put it: a dead weight.

R.E. said...

You touch on so much here, Andy. Talk about food for thought... It's only recently that I've been understanding that carrying around emotions not out own can be so very toxic. It can be quite a bit of work to understand and sort them out. Great post!

Andy said...

Thank you Tess, that's very kind and it's great to see you here again! You're right, separating our emotions from those that belong to others can be terribly difficult, it's a process of disentanglement really. So much of the stuff that we drag around doesn't belong to us, it belongs elsewhere - we just need to dump it in the right place! Goddess has really helped me with this process.

Andy said...

Thanks for the comment, R.E. You're right, it can be something of a process, a very difficult one at times, but not separating our emotions in this way can be so disempowering, as we will just implode eventually, we will become spiritually and emotionally incapacitated. I have found that Goddess leads us to true freedom, and this, for me, has been such an important part of this process. I'm so pleased to see you posting here, thank you!

Anonymous said...

Lovely post, Andy. There's a great deal of joy in your words - and wisdom regarding that bugbear of all, toxic emotions of others! Teach us to care and not to care.

Andy said...

Thanks, TGW, I have had a renewed sense of joy, and it's great!