I treated myself to another day in Glastonbury today. People will think that I was crazy, spending so much of my leave in the one place, but I truly love the place and its energy and am just so happy chilling there. I've also spent far too much money, but hey ho.
I can't believe that I was lying on the Tor in wonderful sunshine this morning! It's pouring heavy rain now, but this morning the skies were blue and the sun was terrific and I was looking at amazing views like this (not my photo):
Meditating at the Tor, and at the Chalice Well Wellhead later I heard Goddess say "At the centre is you". This confused me for a while, because in my mind I have always thought that at the centre is Goddess - is Spirit, but the more I meditated on these words the more I came to realise that at the centre is me, because I too, am Spirit. I am Spirit choosing to live in this body in the here and now. I am Spirit and I am of Spirit, and Goddess is also at the centre, because She is in me and of me, and I am in her, and of her, and in that sense there again is the sacred Oneness, the interconnectedness, the sacred unity, the sacred relationship. I am bound to Her, yet also free, because she brings freedom.
I saw that my path is a journey, and this journey is a journey to the real me - the free me. I saw myself walking the labyrinth of life, and at the centre of the labyrinth was me.
again, this confused me, because I expected to find Goddess at the centre of the labyrinth, and indeed have done when I have made this journey before, but this time, it was me, in a place of freedom and release, a place, it felt, with Higher Self manifested, a place of initiation.
I worry about parapsychology and I have never wanted my path to be some kind of spiritualised psychology, because one can know oneself without any spiritual intervention. I have had counselling and I have trained and qualified as a counsellor, but this journey showed me something far more powerful that any kind of self awareness or self actualisation of the psychological kind. This was about seeing me in Spirit. Having a glimpse of myself as seen by the Lord and Lady, in that place of true freedom.
I know myself well, and sometimes my level of self awareness, and intuition generally, scares me, but this was something else - I was seeing myself as no one else ever has, because all the defences, those things we need to survive this life, were all gone. I was welcoming the light, not hiding, not pretending, not putting on a show, just free and able to be me. It was a special place and a place I want to be able to access again.
In bringing something of this into my everyday reality I think it's about starting to respect how I talk of myself and to myself. How often do I say things like "idiot" or "stupid" or treat myself with frustration and anger, when in reality, in doing this, I am denying my birthright and who I truly am. This is about a deeper sense of self love, and not a self rejection. Not just an acceptance of who I truly am, but a real sense of taking joy in who I truly am. This is the reality of "know thyself" - seeing oneself free from the effects and the necessary accoutrements gathered from living this life.
So, again, it's about believing, believing who and what I truly am, from the perspective of the One Divine Life, not from the reflections of others, or more importantly, not from my own intra-actions. I am a Magickal Being, and that's not about ego, not at all, and it's deeper than some kind of 'mind over matter' self belief, it's much more than that. It's about accepting the word of the Lord and Lady and acting in accord with their word.