Thursday, 17 July 2008


I saw today that my need to control is like putting on a suit of armour - it's a protection. As well as concealing the wounds inflicted at various stages of my life through various methods and means, it enables me to hide. However, as well as providing protection this suit of armour keeps others out. It also limits energy flow, it hinders spiritual growth because I don't stand naked before the Lord and Lady and as a result, it's not the full me, the complete me, the true me, that I present before them.

This armour also works to hinder my vision, it restricts my view. It only allows me to see straight ahead, as through a tunnel, missing those subtle, gentle things that take place on the periphery. A brief journey this morning took me through a field, but the grass was high, I couldn't see over it - yet there was a path through this field. I came to a stream and there was no way over, yet a little further along, there was a bridge that provided safe passage. Each difficult moment had a solution in the Now, at the moment it was needed. I'm never alone.

In their kind replies to recent posts, Paul spoke about letting Goddess take one by the hand as one steps into the dark, and this describes my feelings of the moment perfectly. Shepton Witch spoke about trusting in ones self and ones personal relationship with the Divine as being the most important thing, and again, this describes perfectly the place I find myself. I know that, once again, it's time to step into the dark, to embark on another phase, another part of my spiritual journey with the Lord and Lady, and this phase is about a challenge of my trust, both in myself, and of the One Divine Life. It's a stepping into the darkness, a kind of abandonment to the Lord and Lady, taking my hands off the steering wheel and allowing Them to lead, guide, direct and show the way. A shedding of the doubts and fears that are associated with the senses and the temporal, and an embracing of perfect love and perfect trust. It all sounds so easy, doesn't it?!? I think here is another process, rather than an event. Perhaps it's a series of 'little events', just as there are a series of 'little deaths' that together combine to make the spiritual journey just that, a journey, a path that has to be travelled.

The process that lies before me has been one that has been gently building over recent weeks and in many ways it's a process that has already begun. It's about taking each piece of armour off, piece by piece, examining it, understanding it, appreciating why it is there, but then setting it down. Taking it off and leaving it off, until I stand, truly naked, before Goddess and God - and in this nakedness is my true wholeness. Standing stripped of everything that I have built around me as a source of projection I find completeness and freedom.


The Shepton Witch said...

You know what occurred to me after reading your last two posts? You mention you are hanging on to control and possibly things from the past and you know you must let go and take that step forwards. Well, here's a question (or two) that you might find useful:

When you are examining you control or the things from the past that linger, ask yourself "Does holding on to this give me any benefit in the present?" Also, "If I let go and release control, what will change? Will the things that caused me to be so controlled suddenly start happening again, or have I left that in the past?" You get the idea - question the why and the value of what you are doing, because if you rationally know that it's not serving any useful purpose, that will help your subconscious cone to terms with releasing things (especially if you talk aloud, cos talking to your subconscious is a bit like talking to a small child).

Do feel free to ignore this old lady waffle, but it jumped into my head and I thought I'd post!

Andy said...

I totally understand what you're saying, SW, and it's not a silly ramble at all, it makes perfect sense. What I describe here is a really powerful process I seem to be experiencing that is taking me further and deeper into the heart of the Divine. It does seem to be something of a process, as I've been here before, but it seems, periodically, that Goddess brings me back here once again and says "now it's time to deal with the next layer." I don't know if that makes any sense, but it does seem to be something of a constant.

Control has played a major factor in my life, and it is something that I am free from in so many areas now, but clearly not all! You are right to mention the subconscious, and here again, I think, is some work I need to do with Younger Self. My path is a path of personal transformation and unfortunately that's not always a comfortable experience. I really do value your input because although I know no one can walk another's path, it's always nice to know I'm not totally alone!

The process you describe is one that helped me quit smoking some years ago, so I can testify to the fact that it really works.

Thanks for being there, it's really appreciated.