I turned over 3 tarot cards in my meditation this morning, and all three carry a similar message. The message is one of testing and making sure that my spiritual experience is based on reality, on truth. The cards are warning of trusting an illusion, of placing my faith and confidence on something that is less than substantial, there is also a warning of fooling myself, of believing that I've had some kind of spiritual experience, when in fact, I've not. Rather sobering, first thing in the morning, I have to say! It was difficult not to come back down to earth with an almighty thud!
I began to read the cards in the context of where Spirit has been taking me in recent weeks. It's been a tough journey of late, a time of being frank and honest with myself and being brave enough to face up to myself. I've been dropping the mask, being real, letting go, allowing 'little deaths' to take place and to embrace the truth of me as seen through the eyes of the Lord and Lady.
In this context, I see the cards of this morning as reinforcing my need to check out what is presented to me for its worth, for its truth, for its value, before I embrace it. Just as I need to be clear about my own motives, so I need to be clear on the motives of those who present things to me, and of the substance of those things that are actually presented to me. I can't afford to be a spiritual goldfish, swallowing everything that is offered.
I have no desire to be a 'fluffy bunny'. I do not want to be someone who sees only love and light, someone who dances solely on the mountains and falls apart when one has to spend some time in the valley. I embrace and accept my dark side, along that of my light, both are equally part of me and both are equally valid. I don't want to be the kind Pagan who buys 'off the shelf spells' and refuses to accept that there's an inner work that needs to take place, or the sort who bulks at any suggestion that spiritual progress demands effort and dedication. I want to give myself to the work, to the Craft.
It's impossible to ignore that the focus for now is on my inner self, my inner landscape - getting it right, getting it sound. I seem to be constantly directed back to securing that foundation, and now it's about being honest as to where I place my confidence and trust. I work hard in the mundane world and my material life is comfortable, I can't deny that. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable about that, sometimes I don't even like it that much, but I think now I'm being asked if this is where I place my confidence and trust. It could vanish over night, my job could go tomorrow, it's more than possible - where would I be then? It's a question of foundation, of being authentic and genuine about that which I build upon. I can pontificate for all I'm worth, but where is my spiritual life at when the rubber hits the road? Where is my confidence, faith and trust based, really?
If all I am building is illusion, it isn't going to get me or others anywhere and I want my spiritual experience to benefit others in a real way. I don't want illusion, and I don't want my spiritual life to just be a bolt-on, simply just a cherry on the cake, I want spiritual reality. I want to fully know the Lord and Lady, just as they know me.