I would appreciate the pagan prayers, intentions, healing energy and love of anyone who reads or comments on this blog, for my father. He's been taken into hospital with heart problems. Please hold him in your spiritual practice, whatever form that may take.
Thank you.
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Fire
No two people experience the Divine in the same way, each individual's experience is just that - individual. The path I walk, whist others support me and work with me at times, no one can truly walk my path with me. We each of us walk alone in that sense. My relationship with Spirit, with Divine, is my relationship and my life and the way I live it is my own responsibility. Books will support my journey, the experiences of others will teach and guide, magickal theory way well underpin my direction and provide a foundation that I build upon, but beyond all this, beyond theory and dogma I stand naked before Goddess and God.
My true guidance and direction come from my own relationship with the One Divine Life. It is time for me to trust in this relationship and who I am before Goddess and God. The land beneath my feet, the wind that blows in my face, the rain on my body, the aroma that fills my senses, all these things carry the voice and inspiration of Goddess and God. The voice that calls from deep within my own soul, my own true voice, is the voice of the Divine. There is no room and no need for dogma, for scripts and rules, what simply matters is the celebration of true connection with the One Divine Life.
My path is a living path. I am not just a conduit of divine energy, I am a cauldron where all is energy, all is transformation and transmutation. From here, from this living internal reservoir of life, of abundant life, I draw my strength, inspiration and energy. This is the place of Divine Balance, where the energy from my incorporation and assimilation of opposites; of life and death, of dark and light, fuel and energise my daily experience and work to create growth and transformation.
I feel that I am moving from water to fire, from that place of preparation into a place of action, albeit a slow and steady movement forward.
Fire is an element I've struggled with in the past. I'm think I'm about to start a new lesson!
My true guidance and direction come from my own relationship with the One Divine Life. It is time for me to trust in this relationship and who I am before Goddess and God. The land beneath my feet, the wind that blows in my face, the rain on my body, the aroma that fills my senses, all these things carry the voice and inspiration of Goddess and God. The voice that calls from deep within my own soul, my own true voice, is the voice of the Divine. There is no room and no need for dogma, for scripts and rules, what simply matters is the celebration of true connection with the One Divine Life.
My path is a living path. I am not just a conduit of divine energy, I am a cauldron where all is energy, all is transformation and transmutation. From here, from this living internal reservoir of life, of abundant life, I draw my strength, inspiration and energy. This is the place of Divine Balance, where the energy from my incorporation and assimilation of opposites; of life and death, of dark and light, fuel and energise my daily experience and work to create growth and transformation.
I feel that I am moving from water to fire, from that place of preparation into a place of action, albeit a slow and steady movement forward.
Fire is an element I've struggled with in the past. I'm think I'm about to start a new lesson!
Thursday, 24 July 2008
Release
Life and time have both run away with me these past couple of days, and I don't have that much time now, but I want to check in briefly with my blog to record something that happened in meditation this morning.
I've been drawn to spend more time practising the presence of Goddess and God, as well as meeting with my Guides and animal totems. I guess some would call it pathworking, some would call it journeying, others would call it by a hundred other terms, but for me it's been an exercise in travelling to other realms, both within and without, above and below, with the intention of meeting Deity and Guides.
Today I was pushed for time, and I think I was so mindful that I was pushed for time that things simply didn't work (I learned a valuable lesson here!) but yesterday I had a very special time. One of my Guides is called Sylvia, at least that's what I think she's called, and just as Sulis, my patron Goddess is a Mother Goddess, Sylvia is a mother figure. She is also an ancestor on my mothers side. She's strong but protective, and at one point as I was journeying to meet her I felt her embrace. I had this real sense of her moving toward me and embracing me. This was a fleeting yet powerful moment and as she did this I felt a real emotive response within me. I filled with tears and really wanted to cry because the embrace was free from all agenda. There was no ulterior motive in this embrace, it was an embrace of unconditional love with total unconditional positive regard. It was an embrace of acceptance for who I am and a real sense of pleasure for who I am. It was lovely, a truly lovely moment.
I struggle with journeying like this because of the control issues I have spoken of in other entries - I find it difficult to let go. But, it is something that I want to work with and deepen. I am conscious of the call to deepen my relationship with Deity and practising the presence of the Lord and Lady, and my Guides is key to establishing not just a cognitive relationship, but one that has true meaningful depth.
I've been drawn to spend more time practising the presence of Goddess and God, as well as meeting with my Guides and animal totems. I guess some would call it pathworking, some would call it journeying, others would call it by a hundred other terms, but for me it's been an exercise in travelling to other realms, both within and without, above and below, with the intention of meeting Deity and Guides.
Today I was pushed for time, and I think I was so mindful that I was pushed for time that things simply didn't work (I learned a valuable lesson here!) but yesterday I had a very special time. One of my Guides is called Sylvia, at least that's what I think she's called, and just as Sulis, my patron Goddess is a Mother Goddess, Sylvia is a mother figure. She is also an ancestor on my mothers side. She's strong but protective, and at one point as I was journeying to meet her I felt her embrace. I had this real sense of her moving toward me and embracing me. This was a fleeting yet powerful moment and as she did this I felt a real emotive response within me. I filled with tears and really wanted to cry because the embrace was free from all agenda. There was no ulterior motive in this embrace, it was an embrace of unconditional love with total unconditional positive regard. It was an embrace of acceptance for who I am and a real sense of pleasure for who I am. It was lovely, a truly lovely moment.
I struggle with journeying like this because of the control issues I have spoken of in other entries - I find it difficult to let go. But, it is something that I want to work with and deepen. I am conscious of the call to deepen my relationship with Deity and practising the presence of the Lord and Lady, and my Guides is key to establishing not just a cognitive relationship, but one that has true meaningful depth.
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Knowing, Feeling, Being
Three words came to me very strongly in my meditation this morning:
Knowing in terms of knowing my relationship with Deity and truly experiencing that relationship in a real and profound way. In knowing Deity I discover myself, my true self, and my own true will. In that relationship I know Goddess and I know God, it's a relationship that is dynamic, personal, deep and meaningful. In knowing Goddess and God the mysteries become known to me, as They reveal them. The elements bind me to Goddess and God and I begin to know Them as They know me - it's a mutual relationship.
Knowing in terms of knowing my Guides (I have 2 that I am aware of) and my animal guides (I have 3 that I am aware of). I saw a picture of myself with my animal guides this morning, and I have a closer awareness of them being with me as a result of this, but again this is something that I want to be real. Here too is a relationship, an experience, that I want to nurture, grow and develop. I know the things my Guides, and animal guides want to bring, their qualities, but this is an area where I struggle a little because I am conscious that it sounds 'fluffy' and I don't want it to be that way. I hunger after spiritual reality above all else.
Feeling in terms of feeling my own true emotions. One thing working with Sulis has shown me is the fact that it's so easy to carry thoughts, feelings, reactions and emotions that do not belong to me. I am now able to place them where they truly belong, and not drag them around with me like some dead weight over my shoulder. Feelings in terms of daring to feel, to really feel and experience emotion as a man. To truly know what it means and what it feels like to be human, yet at the same time know and truly feel what it feels like to be a magickal being. To glory in my humanity and to celebrate my spirituality, and the totality of the one and the both. Feeling in terms of touching and experiencing this world, the wonder of it and the wonder of all things in it, and the relationship of all things. To know and to feel that I am part of The All. Not a spectator, not an observer, but an integral part, and to feel the wonder and amazement of that. To be free to feel.
Being in terms of being who I truly am, before name and form. To truly be free to be me, to dare to be me, to step into me and the wonder of me - to celebrate Me! Being in terms of laying down drives, purpose, effort and striving and to relax and sink into being. To let everything else fade away as the wonder and joy of being washes over and through me. To fall into the arms of Goddess and to allow myself to be held, not to resist, not to struggle, but to accept Her embrace and not fight it. Being in terms of knowing that being me is okay - without excuses and without justification. Just being is enough, in fact it's more than enough!
As these three words, with their simplicity and yet at the same time their enormity washed over me I was conscious of the phrase "I am your Child." I am a Child of the Goddess, and of the God, their Child, and they are my First Parents. I am as a Child, but not childish, experiencing the joy and wonder of knowing, of feeling, of being and of entering into the relationship that brings these wonders.
This is true connection with the One Divine Life - the joy of that intimate relationship.
"Knowing, feeling, being"
Knowing in terms of knowing my relationship with Deity and truly experiencing that relationship in a real and profound way. In knowing Deity I discover myself, my true self, and my own true will. In that relationship I know Goddess and I know God, it's a relationship that is dynamic, personal, deep and meaningful. In knowing Goddess and God the mysteries become known to me, as They reveal them. The elements bind me to Goddess and God and I begin to know Them as They know me - it's a mutual relationship.
Knowing in terms of knowing my Guides (I have 2 that I am aware of) and my animal guides (I have 3 that I am aware of). I saw a picture of myself with my animal guides this morning, and I have a closer awareness of them being with me as a result of this, but again this is something that I want to be real. Here too is a relationship, an experience, that I want to nurture, grow and develop. I know the things my Guides, and animal guides want to bring, their qualities, but this is an area where I struggle a little because I am conscious that it sounds 'fluffy' and I don't want it to be that way. I hunger after spiritual reality above all else.
Feeling in terms of feeling my own true emotions. One thing working with Sulis has shown me is the fact that it's so easy to carry thoughts, feelings, reactions and emotions that do not belong to me. I am now able to place them where they truly belong, and not drag them around with me like some dead weight over my shoulder. Feelings in terms of daring to feel, to really feel and experience emotion as a man. To truly know what it means and what it feels like to be human, yet at the same time know and truly feel what it feels like to be a magickal being. To glory in my humanity and to celebrate my spirituality, and the totality of the one and the both. Feeling in terms of touching and experiencing this world, the wonder of it and the wonder of all things in it, and the relationship of all things. To know and to feel that I am part of The All. Not a spectator, not an observer, but an integral part, and to feel the wonder and amazement of that. To be free to feel.
Being in terms of being who I truly am, before name and form. To truly be free to be me, to dare to be me, to step into me and the wonder of me - to celebrate Me! Being in terms of laying down drives, purpose, effort and striving and to relax and sink into being. To let everything else fade away as the wonder and joy of being washes over and through me. To fall into the arms of Goddess and to allow myself to be held, not to resist, not to struggle, but to accept Her embrace and not fight it. Being in terms of knowing that being me is okay - without excuses and without justification. Just being is enough, in fact it's more than enough!
As these three words, with their simplicity and yet at the same time their enormity washed over me I was conscious of the phrase "I am your Child." I am a Child of the Goddess, and of the God, their Child, and they are my First Parents. I am as a Child, but not childish, experiencing the joy and wonder of knowing, of feeling, of being and of entering into the relationship that brings these wonders.
This is true connection with the One Divine Life - the joy of that intimate relationship.
Monday, 21 July 2008
Inner Temple
"How come you're so calm all the time?" someone said to me today "why don't you get angry [about this] I just can't get over how calm you are!" It's true, the issue she was mentioning has been raising high emotion at work, and has done for about a week, but somehow I have been able to address the situation from a place of calm, a place of peace, which has amazed even me! I do show emotion, and I do get angry, but somehow in this particular situation at this particular moment in time I've been able to draw on an inner resource of calm and peace and have remained pretty unflustered. This is a particularly good sign for me and one that I'm really pleased about. It's progress!
This inner place of peace, of security and safety is one that I have been building of late. It's like my Inner Temple, not a place of retreat, as such, as it's not a place of hiding, but a place of operation - but one that is unaffected by external stimuli. It's a place from where I can face the storm, even enter into the storm, but a place in which I am protected, a place of being held. I would like to be able to say that this place is somewhere I constantly remain, but that would be a lie! All too often I step out of this wonderful place of connection, and as soon as I do so, I know it! However, it's somewhere I am learning to live more often these days. This is the place of trust in the Divine and in my connection with the One Divine Life. This Inner Temple, in this sense, isn't so much a place, but an outworking of my relationship with the One Divine Life and of an innate trust in myself that flows from the wonder of this relationship.
Flowing from this I saw this morning that I can lay my angst, stress and worry down. The deeper I enter into the wonder of this relationship the less I need to operate from fear and anxiety and the more I can move into trust, both of Goddess, and of myself. The key is the wonder of relationship with Deity.
It's a choice, and it's also a shift of perspective. I can view my situation, my life and my future with limited vision, or with moonlight eyes. I can allow the Lord and Lady to show me all that is possible, or I can remain limited to human effort. I can travel beyond the limitation of this body and connect with the Universal Consciousness (and this I see as my Guides, my Ancestors, those and the energies of those who have gone before and the Lord and Lady). My consciousness can extend way beyond the limitations of this sensory world and therefore my perception of whatever it is that is facing me can shift. I can choose to shift my view, my perception and therefore my experience.
I turned the Sun card this morning and my mind was taken to the heat of midsummer, the heat of the Sun God. How he energizes all life, the life spark, the catalyst. There was a lizard on the card, and the sun provides them with energy, and there is a legend that the sun of the morning gives lizards their sight for the day as they are blind without it. I look to this energy, to the Sun God, to Deity, to The One Divine Life, for this special sight, this inner sight, for true inner vision.
This inner place of peace, of security and safety is one that I have been building of late. It's like my Inner Temple, not a place of retreat, as such, as it's not a place of hiding, but a place of operation - but one that is unaffected by external stimuli. It's a place from where I can face the storm, even enter into the storm, but a place in which I am protected, a place of being held. I would like to be able to say that this place is somewhere I constantly remain, but that would be a lie! All too often I step out of this wonderful place of connection, and as soon as I do so, I know it! However, it's somewhere I am learning to live more often these days. This is the place of trust in the Divine and in my connection with the One Divine Life. This Inner Temple, in this sense, isn't so much a place, but an outworking of my relationship with the One Divine Life and of an innate trust in myself that flows from the wonder of this relationship.
Flowing from this I saw this morning that I can lay my angst, stress and worry down. The deeper I enter into the wonder of this relationship the less I need to operate from fear and anxiety and the more I can move into trust, both of Goddess, and of myself. The key is the wonder of relationship with Deity.
It's a choice, and it's also a shift of perspective. I can view my situation, my life and my future with limited vision, or with moonlight eyes. I can allow the Lord and Lady to show me all that is possible, or I can remain limited to human effort. I can travel beyond the limitation of this body and connect with the Universal Consciousness (and this I see as my Guides, my Ancestors, those and the energies of those who have gone before and the Lord and Lady). My consciousness can extend way beyond the limitations of this sensory world and therefore my perception of whatever it is that is facing me can shift. I can choose to shift my view, my perception and therefore my experience.
I turned the Sun card this morning and my mind was taken to the heat of midsummer, the heat of the Sun God. How he energizes all life, the life spark, the catalyst. There was a lizard on the card, and the sun provides them with energy, and there is a legend that the sun of the morning gives lizards their sight for the day as they are blind without it. I look to this energy, to the Sun God, to Deity, to The One Divine Life, for this special sight, this inner sight, for true inner vision.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Naked
I saw today that my need to control is like putting on a suit of armour - it's a protection. As well as concealing the wounds inflicted at various stages of my life through various methods and means, it enables me to hide. However, as well as providing protection this suit of armour keeps others out. It also limits energy flow, it hinders spiritual growth because I don't stand naked before the Lord and Lady and as a result, it's not the full me, the complete me, the true me, that I present before them.
This armour also works to hinder my vision, it restricts my view. It only allows me to see straight ahead, as through a tunnel, missing those subtle, gentle things that take place on the periphery. A brief journey this morning took me through a field, but the grass was high, I couldn't see over it - yet there was a path through this field. I came to a stream and there was no way over, yet a little further along, there was a bridge that provided safe passage. Each difficult moment had a solution in the Now, at the moment it was needed. I'm never alone.
In their kind replies to recent posts, Paul spoke about letting Goddess take one by the hand as one steps into the dark, and this describes my feelings of the moment perfectly. Shepton Witch spoke about trusting in ones self and ones personal relationship with the Divine as being the most important thing, and again, this describes perfectly the place I find myself. I know that, once again, it's time to step into the dark, to embark on another phase, another part of my spiritual journey with the Lord and Lady, and this phase is about a challenge of my trust, both in myself, and of the One Divine Life. It's a stepping into the darkness, a kind of abandonment to the Lord and Lady, taking my hands off the steering wheel and allowing Them to lead, guide, direct and show the way. A shedding of the doubts and fears that are associated with the senses and the temporal, and an embracing of perfect love and perfect trust. It all sounds so easy, doesn't it?!? I think here is another process, rather than an event. Perhaps it's a series of 'little events', just as there are a series of 'little deaths' that together combine to make the spiritual journey just that, a journey, a path that has to be travelled.
The process that lies before me has been one that has been gently building over recent weeks and in many ways it's a process that has already begun. It's about taking each piece of armour off, piece by piece, examining it, understanding it, appreciating why it is there, but then setting it down. Taking it off and leaving it off, until I stand, truly naked, before Goddess and God - and in this nakedness is my true wholeness. Standing stripped of everything that I have built around me as a source of projection I find completeness and freedom.
This armour also works to hinder my vision, it restricts my view. It only allows me to see straight ahead, as through a tunnel, missing those subtle, gentle things that take place on the periphery. A brief journey this morning took me through a field, but the grass was high, I couldn't see over it - yet there was a path through this field. I came to a stream and there was no way over, yet a little further along, there was a bridge that provided safe passage. Each difficult moment had a solution in the Now, at the moment it was needed. I'm never alone.
In their kind replies to recent posts, Paul spoke about letting Goddess take one by the hand as one steps into the dark, and this describes my feelings of the moment perfectly. Shepton Witch spoke about trusting in ones self and ones personal relationship with the Divine as being the most important thing, and again, this describes perfectly the place I find myself. I know that, once again, it's time to step into the dark, to embark on another phase, another part of my spiritual journey with the Lord and Lady, and this phase is about a challenge of my trust, both in myself, and of the One Divine Life. It's a stepping into the darkness, a kind of abandonment to the Lord and Lady, taking my hands off the steering wheel and allowing Them to lead, guide, direct and show the way. A shedding of the doubts and fears that are associated with the senses and the temporal, and an embracing of perfect love and perfect trust. It all sounds so easy, doesn't it?!? I think here is another process, rather than an event. Perhaps it's a series of 'little events', just as there are a series of 'little deaths' that together combine to make the spiritual journey just that, a journey, a path that has to be travelled.
The process that lies before me has been one that has been gently building over recent weeks and in many ways it's a process that has already begun. It's about taking each piece of armour off, piece by piece, examining it, understanding it, appreciating why it is there, but then setting it down. Taking it off and leaving it off, until I stand, truly naked, before Goddess and God - and in this nakedness is my true wholeness. Standing stripped of everything that I have built around me as a source of projection I find completeness and freedom.
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
The Death Of Control
I spent some time this morning in meditation, exploring the return of the Death card. Before long I realised that I was trying to reenact the experience of yesterday as opposed to simply 'being' and moving with the movement of spirit, both within, and without. As I noticed this I became aware of the thing that needs to die - control. I like to control my emotions, my environment and myself, I am always in control of me and this has it's root in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of hurt - fear of death. Self preservation, although very natural reactions and inclinations, has resulted in me being a master of personal control, and this control can lead to a stilted spiritual life. Hard to go with the flow, hard to move with fluidity when one is also trying to exercise such control.
And then came greater confirmation, I asked for guidance and direction on this (probably because I want to do a little living now . . . I've had enough of dying!!) and I turned the 2 of Discs, a card that talks of the power of the Ace being polarised, a card of movement, a card of fluidity, a card that speaks of moving with the ebb and flow of the tides, of spirit. This card reinforces the message of change, but it also talks about flowing with that change, being comfortable and secure enough to go with it, as opposed to resisting and fighting the change.
Some of this is quite hard to take, as I've been in control of me for the past 45 years! The need for safety and security have informed a lot of my life decisions, as I guess they have many of us, so this is tough stuff. So many life events have taken place during my brief time in this incarnation that have threatened my existence and this has resulted in my perfecting the art of control. This isn't so much about manipulation, although I can see some of that in there at times, but purely about survival. But this survival mode has had the effect of snuffing out my own sense of self, my own faith and trust in myself and my ability to truly unwind, relax and enjoy the moment and ultimately, denied me the ability to 'go with the flow' of Spirit. To do these things is to relinquish control, to relinquish control is to feel unsafe, insecure, exposed and vulnerable but not to do these things is to miss the subtle and gentle nudges of Spirit.
This is deep stuff!
The past months have seen the Lord and Lady peel back layer upon layer, until I've been laid bare before them, and recent weeks have seen giant strides forward, but here I feel is the next lesson. Can I trust enough to let go? Can I trust me enough to let go? This is also about accepting, embracing, trusting and loving myself as I am, and thus negating the need, or the power, of approval from others.
I know that I have to stop treading water and take this next step and relax into the Now, relax into being, as Shepton Witch said and relax into my place on the Web of Life, within the Tree of Life and into that wonder of my relationship with the Divine. On one level, I have done this, and now it is though I need to let go of that final thing, or jump that final hurdle, or navigate this latest twist and turn in the continual cycle of initiation.
This is a thing of trust, of trust in me and of trust in the Lord and Lady and I didn't realise just how hard it is for me to trust - I am more cynical than I realised!
After setting my intention to meet the Lady, I had a picture of myself on a beech, waiting to meet Goddess. She opened her arms, and whilst looking back I could see the beech, all that I knew and understood, to move into her was to move into darkness. It wasn't all light and wonder, it was dark and unknown. Beyond her open arms it was black. I was being asked to take a step of faith, a step of trust, and a step in which I need to hand my control over to Her.
This is my next 'little death.'
And then came greater confirmation, I asked for guidance and direction on this (probably because I want to do a little living now . . . I've had enough of dying!!) and I turned the 2 of Discs, a card that talks of the power of the Ace being polarised, a card of movement, a card of fluidity, a card that speaks of moving with the ebb and flow of the tides, of spirit. This card reinforces the message of change, but it also talks about flowing with that change, being comfortable and secure enough to go with it, as opposed to resisting and fighting the change.
Some of this is quite hard to take, as I've been in control of me for the past 45 years! The need for safety and security have informed a lot of my life decisions, as I guess they have many of us, so this is tough stuff. So many life events have taken place during my brief time in this incarnation that have threatened my existence and this has resulted in my perfecting the art of control. This isn't so much about manipulation, although I can see some of that in there at times, but purely about survival. But this survival mode has had the effect of snuffing out my own sense of self, my own faith and trust in myself and my ability to truly unwind, relax and enjoy the moment and ultimately, denied me the ability to 'go with the flow' of Spirit. To do these things is to relinquish control, to relinquish control is to feel unsafe, insecure, exposed and vulnerable but not to do these things is to miss the subtle and gentle nudges of Spirit.
This is deep stuff!
The past months have seen the Lord and Lady peel back layer upon layer, until I've been laid bare before them, and recent weeks have seen giant strides forward, but here I feel is the next lesson. Can I trust enough to let go? Can I trust me enough to let go? This is also about accepting, embracing, trusting and loving myself as I am, and thus negating the need, or the power, of approval from others.
I know that I have to stop treading water and take this next step and relax into the Now, relax into being, as Shepton Witch said and relax into my place on the Web of Life, within the Tree of Life and into that wonder of my relationship with the Divine. On one level, I have done this, and now it is though I need to let go of that final thing, or jump that final hurdle, or navigate this latest twist and turn in the continual cycle of initiation.
This is a thing of trust, of trust in me and of trust in the Lord and Lady and I didn't realise just how hard it is for me to trust - I am more cynical than I realised!
After setting my intention to meet the Lady, I had a picture of myself on a beech, waiting to meet Goddess. She opened her arms, and whilst looking back I could see the beech, all that I knew and understood, to move into her was to move into darkness. It wasn't all light and wonder, it was dark and unknown. Beyond her open arms it was black. I was being asked to take a step of faith, a step of trust, and a step in which I need to hand my control over to Her.
This is my next 'little death.'
Monday, 14 July 2008
From The Inside, Out!
It was lovely to be back in my Temple Room and back into my morning spiritual practice. I didn't have that much time, just 30 minutes, but it was so good to be able to move in the presence of the Lord and Lady and to be able to feel the touch of My Guides and animal spirits. It was like coming home after some time away, a real joy to be back in warm, familiar company.
I will confess to an audible laugh when I turned 3 Tarot cards this morning. I had asked Deity for guidance on my future, for direction, for steps to take on my path toward spiritual depth revelation, and what card did I turn again? Yep, the Death card! I had to chuckle, as well groan! I thought: "haven't I done enough dying?" evidently the answer is a resounding no! As I turned the other cards they spoke of moving forward in my tradition and moving deeper into intuition, a need to hear my own inner voice above that of the hundred other voices that clamour for attention.
This was an important morning. I called to the Lord and Lady, asking for their guidance. I also called to my Guides and totems, because I needed to hear their voice. In recent months I feel that I've travelled over a very large distance, growing as taught directly by Spirit, but this morning I felt as though I had been brought back to the start once more. Clearly there is a lesson that I am not learning, there is something that I need to learn, or at least, there is something that needs to travel to a far deeper level.
I began to see the lesson that I need to learn. I saw that whilst intellect supports my path, it isn't my path. The part of me that needs to analyse everything, understand everything, know everything, simply works to feed my chattering mind. It keeps me bound to that which holds me back, it feeds the mind only. The greatest spiritual discovery comes not from a text book, not from a blog, but from my own relationship with the Divine. The communion of Spirit with spirit. Yes, the words, traditions and experiences of others are vitally important, and my path is based upon a sound tradition and the knowledge of others feeds and nourishes my own progress and development, but there is much more than that. The heart, the centre, is my own spiritual relationship and interconnection with all things. My confidence needs to be in my own spiritual connection and the revelation that emanates from that dynamic connection.
I mistrust my own experience at times because of the criticism of others and because of my own lack of confidence in myself. I am apt to put myself down. This morning I saw that I need to have a greater confidence in my own experience and develop a trust in the gifts that I have. Believing in my intuition, believing in my own spiritual heritage, and trusting my own experience of the Divine. To put myself down is to deny Their faith in me.
This is a continuance of letting go of the false labels that have been attributed to me in the mundane world, but I also saw that whilst I am free of those things, I've been given the tools to set myself free. This is a work that comes from within, a work that results from me using the gifts I have been given - a spiritual empowerment that works from the inside, out. It's time I believed in me as much as the Lord and Lady believe in me!
I felt the call of the Lord and Lady, asking me to deeper my connection with them, and also with my Guides and totems. A time of journeying to meet them on a deeper level awaits, to build upon this relationship and to experience them. I saw one of my Guides, just briefly this morning, and I was dancing with her, but I was a child, a free child. I've always sensed this Guide as a Mother figure, and I saw her as such this morning. All of this seems to speak to me of walking away from fear - one of my biggest hurdles, and moving into this relationship of trust that means trust self as much as the Divine.
I will confess to an audible laugh when I turned 3 Tarot cards this morning. I had asked Deity for guidance on my future, for direction, for steps to take on my path toward spiritual depth revelation, and what card did I turn again? Yep, the Death card! I had to chuckle, as well groan! I thought: "haven't I done enough dying?" evidently the answer is a resounding no! As I turned the other cards they spoke of moving forward in my tradition and moving deeper into intuition, a need to hear my own inner voice above that of the hundred other voices that clamour for attention.
This was an important morning. I called to the Lord and Lady, asking for their guidance. I also called to my Guides and totems, because I needed to hear their voice. In recent months I feel that I've travelled over a very large distance, growing as taught directly by Spirit, but this morning I felt as though I had been brought back to the start once more. Clearly there is a lesson that I am not learning, there is something that I need to learn, or at least, there is something that needs to travel to a far deeper level.
I began to see the lesson that I need to learn. I saw that whilst intellect supports my path, it isn't my path. The part of me that needs to analyse everything, understand everything, know everything, simply works to feed my chattering mind. It keeps me bound to that which holds me back, it feeds the mind only. The greatest spiritual discovery comes not from a text book, not from a blog, but from my own relationship with the Divine. The communion of Spirit with spirit. Yes, the words, traditions and experiences of others are vitally important, and my path is based upon a sound tradition and the knowledge of others feeds and nourishes my own progress and development, but there is much more than that. The heart, the centre, is my own spiritual relationship and interconnection with all things. My confidence needs to be in my own spiritual connection and the revelation that emanates from that dynamic connection.
I mistrust my own experience at times because of the criticism of others and because of my own lack of confidence in myself. I am apt to put myself down. This morning I saw that I need to have a greater confidence in my own experience and develop a trust in the gifts that I have. Believing in my intuition, believing in my own spiritual heritage, and trusting my own experience of the Divine. To put myself down is to deny Their faith in me.
This is a continuance of letting go of the false labels that have been attributed to me in the mundane world, but I also saw that whilst I am free of those things, I've been given the tools to set myself free. This is a work that comes from within, a work that results from me using the gifts I have been given - a spiritual empowerment that works from the inside, out. It's time I believed in me as much as the Lord and Lady believe in me!
I felt the call of the Lord and Lady, asking me to deeper my connection with them, and also with my Guides and totems. A time of journeying to meet them on a deeper level awaits, to build upon this relationship and to experience them. I saw one of my Guides, just briefly this morning, and I was dancing with her, but I was a child, a free child. I've always sensed this Guide as a Mother figure, and I saw her as such this morning. All of this seems to speak to me of walking away from fear - one of my biggest hurdles, and moving into this relationship of trust that means trust self as much as the Divine.
Friday, 11 July 2008
What A Week
What a week it's been! Following my lovely week of annual leave, this week I have been thrust back into a working week that was 'full on' in every sense of the word. Not only has there been the usual work that needs to be done, there's work resulting from significant organisational change, work resulting from local change and work resulting from the forthcoming Local Government strike. The planning that it takes to ensure live and limb cover continues to be provided to vulnerable adults is both stressful and time consuming. Work that nobody sees or appreciates, so it's been a tough and tiring week and one that has had me starting early and finishing later, resulting, pretty much, to a week away from the blog, unfortunately.
Together with all of this, work is starting in earnest in relation to organising the Bower Hinton Bike Ride. It never ceases to amaze me just how much work a one day annual event takes!
What has been wonderful, considering all of the above, is that although my spiritual practice has taken something of a backseat this week, I have not felt a sense of distance between myself and Spirit at all. Far from it, I've been aware of that real relationship, and following the revelations and events of last week, I've been in a place where I can move into (walking)meditation far more easily and meaningfully during the working day. I've noticed that my spiritual awareness of time and situation is also more acute, and meaningful, resulting in an intuition that is more keen than it has been, which has been a personal desire of mine for some time. I've been able to see beyond that which is immediately presenting itself to me - not all of the time, but more of the time than usual. This is a real joy to me.
I've been aware of a sense of my place in things, and of the 'bigger picture' above and beyond that of the day to day mundane things. That's not to demean those things, but somehow I had a sense of them for what they really are - stepping stones and not the destination itself, but each being a mini-destination and carrying a special and unique significance. Everything is part of the journey and therefore special and important, but not an end in itself. Somehow I feel less 'stuck' than I have been feeling recently because that sense of movement and flow is increasing.
So in a sense, it feels that this week, in spite of all the rush and frenetic activity, has been something of a time of consolidation. It's like I've been walking through a glade, following the heat and intensity of last week, ready for a new and fresh beginning in the week ahead. It feels gentle, but powerful at the same time.
Together with all of this, work is starting in earnest in relation to organising the Bower Hinton Bike Ride. It never ceases to amaze me just how much work a one day annual event takes!
What has been wonderful, considering all of the above, is that although my spiritual practice has taken something of a backseat this week, I have not felt a sense of distance between myself and Spirit at all. Far from it, I've been aware of that real relationship, and following the revelations and events of last week, I've been in a place where I can move into (walking)meditation far more easily and meaningfully during the working day. I've noticed that my spiritual awareness of time and situation is also more acute, and meaningful, resulting in an intuition that is more keen than it has been, which has been a personal desire of mine for some time. I've been able to see beyond that which is immediately presenting itself to me - not all of the time, but more of the time than usual. This is a real joy to me.
I've been aware of a sense of my place in things, and of the 'bigger picture' above and beyond that of the day to day mundane things. That's not to demean those things, but somehow I had a sense of them for what they really are - stepping stones and not the destination itself, but each being a mini-destination and carrying a special and unique significance. Everything is part of the journey and therefore special and important, but not an end in itself. Somehow I feel less 'stuck' than I have been feeling recently because that sense of movement and flow is increasing.
So in a sense, it feels that this week, in spite of all the rush and frenetic activity, has been something of a time of consolidation. It's like I've been walking through a glade, following the heat and intensity of last week, ready for a new and fresh beginning in the week ahead. It feels gentle, but powerful at the same time.
Sunday, 6 July 2008
Illusion
The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: “It's a girl”.
Says Shirley Chisholm, and I agree with her. With the label comes the expectations, with the expectations comes the enforced limitations, the glass ceiling, the mapped out future, the expected behaviour, and people will interact according to those labels eventually, in time, the woman will respond to those labels according to type, reinforcing and confirming the stereotype. It’s not just true for women; it’s true for all groups who are pigeon-holed, stereotyped and labelled. In fact, it’s true for all of us. No matter who we are, we have lived in this world for some time and during that time so much will have been placed upon us in psychological terms as well as in emotional, sexual, social and spiritual terms. Those expectations, those imperatives have always been there and they are so hard to escape. They cause us to adapt, to respond accordingly, and as such the process of losing connection with who we really are has its beginning with our physical birth.
I don’t know if this ramble has it’s roots in Paganism or not and as such it’s something that once upon a time I would not have made public for fear of recrimination, but right now I simply don’t care! This has been a week of powerful revelation for me, and this ramble is key to all that I feel has been made clear. Well, it’s clear to me at least!
A phrase that I have used many times since first hearing it is a call to return to “who we were, before name and form.” It struck me the first time I heard it and it’s remained with me ever since. This week it seems to have come home to me in a powerfully clear way. For me, to be who I am before name and form links and overlaps with ‘know thyself.’ This is another phrase that is oft repeated, but what does it actually mean? Is this is call to psychological self awareness? A kind of self actualisation or individuation, or is it something far deeper and more profound than that? I am convinced, after my experiences of this week, that is something far deeper.
I’ve discovered that to be who I was, before name and form, is to journey back and to embrace the true Me, my True Self, and my True Self is free from labels, free from purpose, free from expectation, free from responses, free from inter and intra-actions, free from all those things that cause me to be who I think I should be because others, because situations, because circumstances, tell me that is who I am.
I’ve seen that it’s not about what I do, it’s not about my responses, my needs, my goals, my aspirations, my concerns, my worries, it’s about ME. Anything that is a response is not me, not the true me, it’s a reaction or an intra-action, these things do not define me because the things that cause those said responses often originate from a person with an agenda, or they come from a situation that has the result of placing expectation and duty upon me. The most altruistic of people will have an agenda, and they also have an opinion or an expectation of me – and this triggers a response according to type and when I respond in this way I am not responding from who I really am, I am responding from who I think they think I am. A game springs into motion that has the result of further alienating me from me.
This week I have journeyed back, or within, and have begun to see those labels, those attributes that are not of me, but are born of the expectations and demands of others, or of systems, such as the world of work, or education, all those things that work to breed conformity and control and compliance. Those things that lock one into the mundane and have the effect of sealing off the True Self. All of this keys in with so much that has been happening for me in recent weeks, and all that has been reflected here in my blog. This is a continuation of a process, a process of discovery of Self in Spirit and of coming of spiritual age.
Looking out from the Tor this morning I saw a field of sheep. The sheep thought that they were free, and in a way they were. They had each other, they had food, they had all they needed – but they were contained and constrained. They were fenced in and they were under control. Soon, these beautiful, sentient beings will be slaughtered and served up as Lamb Shank at the bidding of some human being. The freedom that the sheep think they have is an illusion.
True freedom comes from breaking out of the illusion, out of the control of others and from a real embracing of our True Selves – our spiritual Self. It’s about the embracing of our Birthright, our true connection to Nature, our true connection of the Celestial, it’s from seeing ourselves free from purpose, free from any sense of external or internalised control and from seeing the truth of who we really are – Children of the One Divine Life and true Divine Magickal Beings.
At the centre is me and at the centre is you because we are of Spirit. The rest is illusion, the rest are simply hooks that cause us to respond, when the key is to be. This is all part of the continual process of initiation, that continual walk of the labyrinth, moving in and out in continual motion.
From that place of being, anything is possible. As for me, I know that I am at the starting blocks, I’m no expert at all, but I know that this is a new beginning and it’s exciting.
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Liberation
I treated myself to another day in Glastonbury today. People will think that I was crazy, spending so much of my leave in the one place, but I truly love the place and its energy and am just so happy chilling there. I've also spent far too much money, but hey ho.
I can't believe that I was lying on the Tor in wonderful sunshine this morning! It's pouring heavy rain now, but this morning the skies were blue and the sun was terrific and I was looking at amazing views like this (not my photo):
Meditating at the Tor, and at the Chalice Well Wellhead later I heard Goddess say "At the centre is you". This confused me for a while, because in my mind I have always thought that at the centre is Goddess - is Spirit, but the more I meditated on these words the more I came to realise that at the centre is me, because I too, am Spirit. I am Spirit choosing to live in this body in the here and now. I am Spirit and I am of Spirit, and Goddess is also at the centre, because She is in me and of me, and I am in her, and of her, and in that sense there again is the sacred Oneness, the interconnectedness, the sacred unity, the sacred relationship. I am bound to Her, yet also free, because she brings freedom.
I saw that my path is a journey, and this journey is a journey to the real me - the free me. I saw myself walking the labyrinth of life, and at the centre of the labyrinth was me.
again, this confused me, because I expected to find Goddess at the centre of the labyrinth, and indeed have done when I have made this journey before, but this time, it was me, in a place of freedom and release, a place, it felt, with Higher Self manifested, a place of initiation.
I worry about parapsychology and I have never wanted my path to be some kind of spiritualised psychology, because one can know oneself without any spiritual intervention. I have had counselling and I have trained and qualified as a counsellor, but this journey showed me something far more powerful that any kind of self awareness or self actualisation of the psychological kind. This was about seeing me in Spirit. Having a glimpse of myself as seen by the Lord and Lady, in that place of true freedom.
I know myself well, and sometimes my level of self awareness, and intuition generally, scares me, but this was something else - I was seeing myself as no one else ever has, because all the defences, those things we need to survive this life, were all gone. I was welcoming the light, not hiding, not pretending, not putting on a show, just free and able to be me. It was a special place and a place I want to be able to access again.
In bringing something of this into my everyday reality I think it's about starting to respect how I talk of myself and to myself. How often do I say things like "idiot" or "stupid" or treat myself with frustration and anger, when in reality, in doing this, I am denying my birthright and who I truly am. This is about a deeper sense of self love, and not a self rejection. Not just an acceptance of who I truly am, but a real sense of taking joy in who I truly am. This is the reality of "know thyself" - seeing oneself free from the effects and the necessary accoutrements gathered from living this life.
So, again, it's about believing, believing who and what I truly am, from the perspective of the One Divine Life, not from the reflections of others, or more importantly, not from my own intra-actions. I am a Magickal Being, and that's not about ego, not at all, and it's deeper than some kind of 'mind over matter' self belief, it's much more than that. It's about accepting the word of the Lord and Lady and acting in accord with their word.
I can't believe that I was lying on the Tor in wonderful sunshine this morning! It's pouring heavy rain now, but this morning the skies were blue and the sun was terrific and I was looking at amazing views like this (not my photo):
Meditating at the Tor, and at the Chalice Well Wellhead later I heard Goddess say "At the centre is you". This confused me for a while, because in my mind I have always thought that at the centre is Goddess - is Spirit, but the more I meditated on these words the more I came to realise that at the centre is me, because I too, am Spirit. I am Spirit choosing to live in this body in the here and now. I am Spirit and I am of Spirit, and Goddess is also at the centre, because She is in me and of me, and I am in her, and of her, and in that sense there again is the sacred Oneness, the interconnectedness, the sacred unity, the sacred relationship. I am bound to Her, yet also free, because she brings freedom.
I saw that my path is a journey, and this journey is a journey to the real me - the free me. I saw myself walking the labyrinth of life, and at the centre of the labyrinth was me.
again, this confused me, because I expected to find Goddess at the centre of the labyrinth, and indeed have done when I have made this journey before, but this time, it was me, in a place of freedom and release, a place, it felt, with Higher Self manifested, a place of initiation.
I worry about parapsychology and I have never wanted my path to be some kind of spiritualised psychology, because one can know oneself without any spiritual intervention. I have had counselling and I have trained and qualified as a counsellor, but this journey showed me something far more powerful that any kind of self awareness or self actualisation of the psychological kind. This was about seeing me in Spirit. Having a glimpse of myself as seen by the Lord and Lady, in that place of true freedom.
I know myself well, and sometimes my level of self awareness, and intuition generally, scares me, but this was something else - I was seeing myself as no one else ever has, because all the defences, those things we need to survive this life, were all gone. I was welcoming the light, not hiding, not pretending, not putting on a show, just free and able to be me. It was a special place and a place I want to be able to access again.
In bringing something of this into my everyday reality I think it's about starting to respect how I talk of myself and to myself. How often do I say things like "idiot" or "stupid" or treat myself with frustration and anger, when in reality, in doing this, I am denying my birthright and who I truly am. This is about a deeper sense of self love, and not a self rejection. Not just an acceptance of who I truly am, but a real sense of taking joy in who I truly am. This is the reality of "know thyself" - seeing oneself free from the effects and the necessary accoutrements gathered from living this life.
So, again, it's about believing, believing who and what I truly am, from the perspective of the One Divine Life, not from the reflections of others, or more importantly, not from my own intra-actions. I am a Magickal Being, and that's not about ego, not at all, and it's deeper than some kind of 'mind over matter' self belief, it's much more than that. It's about accepting the word of the Lord and Lady and acting in accord with their word.
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Belly Full Of Joy!
I'm taking this week as annual leave, and it's lovely! Just so good to be out of the rat race for a week and feeling able to do those things that I really want to do. As Glastonbury is one of my favourite places in all the world, that's where I've been. Taking breakfast there, walking up the Tor or around Chalice Well, visiting my favourite shops, just chilling, it's been great. It's wonderful to be out of my usual routine, I'm not even doing my 'morning meditations' as I'm able to meditate at the Wellhead or on the Tor, just wonderful.
I had a lovely walking meditation/pagan prayer time today. At the top of the Tor I faced each of the cardinal points and called to Fire, Water, Earth and Air in turn, just quietly and internally, no pomp, no showing off, just a need to connect and communicate. As I called the elements in, I had this overwhelming sense of joy that was so enveloping, it was wonderful. I knew that I was a part of all I could see, and that all I could see was a part of me, the oneness, the interconnectedness was just so tangible and real. It wasn't something on the page of a pagan book, or on someone's blog, and it wasn't something on my blog, it was real and I could feel it and I knew it. I had this real powerful sense of seeing beyond the image of nature into what it really was, the revelation and manifestation of the Divine, and more than that, I was of earth and of spirit. I such a strong sense of my roots in the watery and dark underworld, my trunk in this world and my branches high in the Celestial heavens. At the same time I was aware of how easily I connect with the Underworld and how I struggle more with the celestial realm. I noted that and put it away for later!
This sense of being, this sense of joy and wonder filled my belly and flowed out of me, and I walked down the Tor, in the pouring rain, singing:
"I am the Goddess
I am the Mother
All acts of love and pleasure
Are my rituals"
over and over and over, I must have sung it non-stop for about 20 minutes! I didn't care who walked by, or who I passed, I just smiled and carried on singing! Each verse I took up an octave, and when I reached the top, I started bring it down an octave, and I sang and sang and sang! It was wonderful! As I sang, so the energy rose and I lifted my arms to both receive this energy and to send it back out to people close to me who need healing right now. My family who have lost their Aunt, my friend John in hospital and my father who has to have a medical examination on Friday. I felt this flow, and it was amazing in its intensity. I danced down the hill!
The rain didn't deter me one iota, in fact it was lovely rain! I went on in to Chalice Well and stood for some between the Yew Trees. This is a powerful place for me as it keys into my sense of balance, of standing between. Again I lifted my arms and sent this energy for the highest good to all who are on my mind. Then I walked on the Wellhead.
At the Wellhead I called to the Lady of the Well, and She said She Is and I Am. She is all things, She is the mighty ocean, and also the single droplet of water, She is the rolling forests and the single blade of grass. She is the powerful wind that was blowing around the Tor and the gentle breeze that embraces me and the breath flowing from my mouth. She is the blazing light from the Sun and the gentle light falling through the meadow, She is All Things and Of All Things. And I Am. I Am in Goddess, and Goddess is in me, we are of each other, connected, in perfect synergy. I am held by Her, cradled in Her hands, and yet I am of the hands that hold me. All is One and One is All. This is the power of relationship, this is Divine relationship - all things are Divine and we are all Stars. We are of the multiverse, part of the mystery. The wonder, power, love and mystery of this is beyond words - one just has to dance and the joy and wonder of this truth!
I then sang my way back to the High Street, sat in the wonderful Galatea restaurant and looked out of the window, beaming for about an hour! People must have thought I was either mad, or coming on to them!!
Who cares?!?
What a lovely day! I'll probably do it all over again tomorrow!
I had a lovely walking meditation/pagan prayer time today. At the top of the Tor I faced each of the cardinal points and called to Fire, Water, Earth and Air in turn, just quietly and internally, no pomp, no showing off, just a need to connect and communicate. As I called the elements in, I had this overwhelming sense of joy that was so enveloping, it was wonderful. I knew that I was a part of all I could see, and that all I could see was a part of me, the oneness, the interconnectedness was just so tangible and real. It wasn't something on the page of a pagan book, or on someone's blog, and it wasn't something on my blog, it was real and I could feel it and I knew it. I had this real powerful sense of seeing beyond the image of nature into what it really was, the revelation and manifestation of the Divine, and more than that, I was of earth and of spirit. I such a strong sense of my roots in the watery and dark underworld, my trunk in this world and my branches high in the Celestial heavens. At the same time I was aware of how easily I connect with the Underworld and how I struggle more with the celestial realm. I noted that and put it away for later!
This sense of being, this sense of joy and wonder filled my belly and flowed out of me, and I walked down the Tor, in the pouring rain, singing:
"I am the Goddess
I am the Mother
All acts of love and pleasure
Are my rituals"
over and over and over, I must have sung it non-stop for about 20 minutes! I didn't care who walked by, or who I passed, I just smiled and carried on singing! Each verse I took up an octave, and when I reached the top, I started bring it down an octave, and I sang and sang and sang! It was wonderful! As I sang, so the energy rose and I lifted my arms to both receive this energy and to send it back out to people close to me who need healing right now. My family who have lost their Aunt, my friend John in hospital and my father who has to have a medical examination on Friday. I felt this flow, and it was amazing in its intensity. I danced down the hill!
The rain didn't deter me one iota, in fact it was lovely rain! I went on in to Chalice Well and stood for some between the Yew Trees. This is a powerful place for me as it keys into my sense of balance, of standing between. Again I lifted my arms and sent this energy for the highest good to all who are on my mind. Then I walked on the Wellhead.
At the Wellhead I called to the Lady of the Well, and She said She Is and I Am. She is all things, She is the mighty ocean, and also the single droplet of water, She is the rolling forests and the single blade of grass. She is the powerful wind that was blowing around the Tor and the gentle breeze that embraces me and the breath flowing from my mouth. She is the blazing light from the Sun and the gentle light falling through the meadow, She is All Things and Of All Things. And I Am. I Am in Goddess, and Goddess is in me, we are of each other, connected, in perfect synergy. I am held by Her, cradled in Her hands, and yet I am of the hands that hold me. All is One and One is All. This is the power of relationship, this is Divine relationship - all things are Divine and we are all Stars. We are of the multiverse, part of the mystery. The wonder, power, love and mystery of this is beyond words - one just has to dance and the joy and wonder of this truth!
I then sang my way back to the High Street, sat in the wonderful Galatea restaurant and looked out of the window, beaming for about an hour! People must have thought I was either mad, or coming on to them!!
Who cares?!?
What a lovely day! I'll probably do it all over again tomorrow!
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