Thursday, 12 June 2008

The Plateaux

I am really sorry that I've not had time to post on the many blogs I read, but I'm pretty tied up with rehearsing for a musical thing I'm involved with at the weekend! You can read about it on my other web site, I won't go on about it at length here. All I will say is please wish me luck - goodness knows I need it!

I'm frustrated at the moment, frustrated because I know that I have both a need and a desire to break through into a new place of spiritual and magickal experience, but I feel as though I'm stuck. I feel as though I've reached a plateaux and need to move on, but I'm being held back, and I'm being held back by my own natural defences. When I reflect back to Dion Fortunes comments around breaking free from the power of the senses and 'the flesh' I tend to interpret it this way for me, as opposed to some chastisement for indulging carnal desire. 'The flesh' fears, it has anxiety, it doubts and it learns how to protect itself from the things that trigger such reactions, but at the same time it also keeps the good things out. The person who has been hurt by love, for example, will shy away from love the next time. They will avoid getting hurt by love, but they will also miss out on the joy, excitement and passion of love. I feel a bit like that at the moment, as though I'm something of a closed book. I need to open to Spirit, to the One Divine Life in a way that I haven't managed before, but yet I still resist. My own body is in protection mode, and I need to break it of that and let the real me out!

That's not that I'm lying about me now! My sense of self awareness is acute and well tuned, but Younger Self needs to come out to play in a way that he hasn't for many a long time. He needs to indulge his sense of fun and games and I see Saturday as being part of that. The camp sense of theatre will be just what Andrew likes - provided it isn't another game of hiding and pretence. I can't afford for it to be about seeing approval and affirmation, but it does need to be a letting Andrew free ocassion!

Working elementally I have given these negative emotions of my body to the Lord and Lady. I've released doubts and fears to Air, I've seen worry and a sense of inferiority transmuted in Fire, I've seen anxiety and a drive for perfection washed and cleaned in Water and I've looked to these things becoming a reality in my physical experience in Earth. These things do not define me! It is the Lord and Lady who provide me with my true identity: A Son of the Lord and Lady! A Priest and Magickal Being! I am not subjugated, I am strong and powerful because I am of Goddess and God because they are immanent. I need to move on to what I actually Am and away from what I am not.

I have worked elementally in meditation, but I think I need to formalise this in ritual and ceremony, to build on what has been happening these past few days and to work elementally within ritual and powerfully enter into the experience of releasing these things. Following this, it will then be important to act in accord with the fruit of the ritual.

It's also time to stop writing about it, and actually get on with the work in hand!


Anonymous said...

I think you've hit the key point here, Andy. Do, don't think - especially in affairs of the heart!

I know a lot of people who got hurt once and have let that negative experience colour every subsequent relationship. Hugely damaging. And really, this is to invest the lost relationship with far more power than it deserved!

Not to say your own situation needs fixing. Simply that, with everything that affects us emotionally, there must be an element of daring and of trusting to fate; and equally, a resolution to get up and get on and learn the lessons and then forget the bad stuff if we should fall.

I was interested that you used the word 'plateaux' to describe your present state; as a plural it implies you have other areas in which you feel you've 'peaked'. Something to think about?

Anonymous said...

I heard someone else say it like this - 'live as though you're dancing and no-one's watching'. I like that.

Andy said...

Oh goodness! I used the analogy if being hurt in love just as that, an analogy – may be I didn’t make that clear! I was writing about my own defences and how I feel they are keeping good stuff out as well as potential hurtful stuff at the moment. As far as love goes, I am very happy with my long term partner!

Interesting comment about the plural aspect of the word. Yes, there are other areas I feel like this, but then linking into yesterdays post, I am probably the cause of that – by limiting myself!

I also love the quote you refer to. I think it goes:

"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth."

And I think it’s a quote from Mark Twain. I will be paying special attention to the singing part on Saturday evening!

The Shepton Witch said...

I'm sorry I'm so late replying (only just stopped feeling groggy from a week in London), and I just wanted to say "Good luck!" for tonight. I'm sure it will be wonderful fun and I hope Andrew has his freedom and enjoyment. If I'd seen it sooner, I'd have come to see!

Anonymous said...

So Andy did you "Break a leg"- Sorry to have missed this post-Been preoccupied with abscences.Hope you get the push to step over your plateaux and start climbimg the other side.Much love & luck. Brightest Blessings.