Friday, 27 June 2008

A Tough Day

It was my Aunt's funeral today. It broke my heart, seeing my cousins so upset. I was aware of that awful sense of powerlessness when you see someone so dreadfully upset and you just know that in a practical sense there's little you can do. I could just show that I was there for them, that I loved them, and both physically and spiritually, I could hold them. And I am holding them in my spirit. I could feel love and healing flowing from me as I hugged them - I hope that's what they received.

Seeing family that I've not seen for so long was both strange and wonderful, strange in that I think I forget the passing of time. I get so caught up in 'doing my life' that I forget time is moving on. I know that sounds daft, because we all know it is, the stark reality of this stares me in the face every morning as I shave, but meeting people today I've not seen for some considerable time drove the message home with even more force today! One second-cousin I saw today was a child when I last saw him, today I learned that he's a helicopter pilot! Blimey! It was wonderful in that I was so aware that I loved these people. I've not seen them in so many years, and I don't know when I'll see them again, but there was that lovely feeling of belonging. I know we have our lives to 'do' and live, and our lives are very different, very different indeed, but I so wish we would also meet for happier times as well!

Being back in a Church was strange. I struggled with the Christian hymns and prayers and it seemed weird to be back in that kind of environment. I didn't enter into the prayers, instead I quietly meditated, wished my Aunt safe passage, and sent healing and love to my family members, my cousins, my father, her other brother and her husband of 58 years. Losing a partner after so long is something I can't really get my head around.

So a tough day, I feel emotionally and physically drained, my heart and my love continue to flow to my family and to my Aunt I wish safe passage.


The Shepton Witch said...

It sounds as though you gave solace to your family and though a tough day, was precious for seeing them all and having the change to hold them, both spiritually and physically.

You know, my family is rubbish at staying in touch and at the last funeral but one, we were all saying the "Oh, wouldn't it be nice to see each other in happy times, rather than just at funerals" and so I resolved to make that happen.

I have invited each and every one of my family members to visit here and have a nice, lazy weekend where we treat them like royalty and have a reunion, and you know what? Not one of them has taken me up on the invitation! It's quite bizarre. Having said that, shy not take the initiative and stay in touch with the people you love? There's nothing sadder than realising how much we've missed out on for the lack of effort!

Andy said...

Thanks SW. I did what I could for my family, and as you say, holding them was all I could do.

My family sounds much the same as yours. I had a similar idea to you and I fear it would go pretty much the same way as yours did!

I will be remaining in touch - this is a personal resolution I have made. Thanks for responding, it means a lot.