It was my Aunt's funeral today. It broke my heart, seeing my cousins so upset. I was aware of that awful sense of powerlessness when you see someone so dreadfully upset and you just know that in a practical sense there's little you can do. I could just show that I was there for them, that I loved them, and both physically and spiritually, I could hold them. And I am holding them in my spirit. I could feel love and healing flowing from me as I hugged them - I hope that's what they received.
Seeing family that I've not seen for so long was both strange and wonderful, strange in that I think I forget the passing of time. I get so caught up in 'doing my life' that I forget time is moving on. I know that sounds daft, because we all know it is, the stark reality of this stares me in the face every morning as I shave, but meeting people today I've not seen for some considerable time drove the message home with even more force today! One second-cousin I saw today was a child when I last saw him, today I learned that he's a helicopter pilot! Blimey! It was wonderful in that I was so aware that I loved these people. I've not seen them in so many years, and I don't know when I'll see them again, but there was that lovely feeling of belonging. I know we have our lives to 'do' and live, and our lives are very different, very different indeed, but I so wish we would also meet for happier times as well!
Being back in a Church was strange. I struggled with the Christian hymns and prayers and it seemed weird to be back in that kind of environment. I didn't enter into the prayers, instead I quietly meditated, wished my Aunt safe passage, and sent healing and love to my family members, my cousins, my father, her other brother and her husband of 58 years. Losing a partner after so long is something I can't really get my head around.
So a tough day, I feel emotionally and physically drained, my heart and my love continue to flow to my family and to my Aunt I wish safe passage.