YS seeks to be what others want him to be in order to stay safe, stay protected.
YS carries a huge weight of duty upon his shoulders and feels the need to respond to the demands and imperatives of others. "ought, should and could" rule too much of his existence. "Love me for who I am" is the cry of YS.
There is a blending into the background to stay safe, a keeping of the peace to avoid violence or the threat of violence or anger.
All the above has worked to make YS sensitive, sensitive to others, to energy shifts, to micro signals given by others. There is a real and genuine empathic gift that has arisen from all of the above. YS is a wounded healer. There is immense creative power within YS and such a positive force for healing. This is something that needs to be released.
I want to restore to YS his authenticity and his ability to be who he is, freely, without recrimination, without fear.
There is so much work to be done here. It's like I've understood so much, for so long, with my head. I know where my wounds are and I know the roots, but spending time really listening to Younger Self on a deeper and spiritual level has been incredible. I know I have more listening to do, but I also need to move into the area of healing.
A lot of this is about forgiveness. Forgiving those, truly forgiving those, who have caused hurt, pain, rejection and abandonment and with this, a space clearing. It's about clearing out those spiritual pipes of dross and debris that have restricted energy flow and limited magickal work. Opening those channels will aid and support spiritual communication between YS, Talking Self and Higher Self and thus there will be unlimited potential to magickal work. Not that this is a short-cut fix to spiritual development, I see this as an on-going process in many ways, but this is a watershed time. This moment, this period, has arrived for a reason and there seems to be such a powerfully positive energy about all this.
In YS lies so much positive creativity, so much positive energy. There is a huge restorative force, a deep empathic gift, deep intuition. YS holds the gifts of Water, and this can be released through this space clearing. YS sees no limitations, no brick walls, anything and everything is possible.
YS is stepping out from the bonds of restriction and it's exciting!
What is also fascinating is that a Ragwort plant has decided to sprout in the middle of my outside wall! It's not done it before! There's this minute crack in the wall and the Ragwort has just sprouted and it's a large plant too! Ragwort, magickally, brings protection. It's like a word from Goddess that this journey I am making is going to be a positive experience and that I am protected in it. I'm not going to get hurt. This is all about healing and moving on into a new dimension.
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8 comments:
Forgiveness of self is just as important if not more so than forgiveness of others. Where else does the feeling of guilt that many of us carry come from other than from blaming ourselves for the hurt and wrong doing in our lives?
That's wonderful about the ragwort - I looked up to the wall above my kitchen extension the other day and hey presto, a ragwort!
Forgiving yourself is hard work. Guilt is easily accumulated and can be hard to give up, for many reasons. Feeling empowered enough to say, 'This is not my fault! and I forgive my YS!' is a real life-work.
You sound like you've had many revelations, most of them positive - I look forward to hearing more about your journey; thank you for sharing it! For me at least, it's really singing me a tune I need to hear.
Thanks for the encouraging comments, Fox and TGW.
I absolutely agree that self forgiveness is equally important, and this is something that is not lost on me. Forgiveness of others, a true forgiveness that lets go of any vestige of resentment or bitterness is equally as important. I say this because magickal work will be weakened if ones inner world is not at peace with self and others. I also agree that this is a process, not an event, as you say TGW.
I don't want all this to make me sound very righteous, because this isn't the case. This is something of a deep process that (back to the onion again!) will no doubt be a layer by layer process, coming each time to a deeper level of being. I guess this is all connected to the little death' principle in that transformation happens through a process of continual transition - we're always headed somewhere!
Forgiveness of self is the thing I find tremendously difficult- but I & my partner have been working on it- and with his help I am finding my way thru & breaking down my own barriers- afterall I put them there- to emerge some time soon feeling more whole and at ease with myself. What a journey.
It's a huge journey, isn't it Shamrock? And although people can walk beside us and support us, ultimately it's a journey we walk alone, with the Lord and Lady. I think part of the journey is seeing ourselves as we truly are - as the Lord and Lady see us, and not as we see ourselves or as we think that others see us. I remember reading somewhere:
"I'm not who I think I am
I'm not who you think I am
I am who I think you think I am"
meaning that years of adaptations and interactions affect us greatly.
The Goddess Rhiannon, Goddess of love and sexuality (among other things!) holds a mirror and she passes it to us. In this mirror we see ourselves as we truly are - love, loved and loveable. Allow her to show you your true reflection in your own meditations and you will see that self forgiveness and self flow from this.
Gosh, I really had to think about the last comment,especially after just doing a night shift(head mangle situation!)
Yes I agree that self forgiveness is just as important than forgiveness of others.More so,in my opinion.
I trust in the knowledge that I have 'faith in me'.Meaning that old craft saying 'know thyself' I guess. In other words,I know who I am and am confident in this,so no matter how much social conditioning we may have had (and I'm guessing that we all have had it at some point) and the opinions and views of others, i.e. people telling us who we are/should be,rumour spreading and hearsay, this is actually irrelevent.
It is who we know that we are that is important, all that matters really. But these things are sent to try us at times because there are moments when we are vulnerable and/or our self confidence is low and we can feel under attack as it were.There are times when we have dealt with situations,forgiven and moved on but when others do not let go,nor are they likely to it seems.This can be very difficult,but as you rightly say are other peoples journey.So therefore,no matter what the projections or opinions of others are, it is the most important thing to believe in yourself.It is our own path and it is important to be centered,grounded and focussed on this no matter what happens. If this makes sense.
There is really no need for apologies, but there is a time to let go and some things definitely belong in the past.They have been dealt with at the time,there is no value in revisiting the past or giving any more energy to a situation.Revenge is a very unproductive emotion, in my opinion, but really no one can affect anyone if they believe in themselves. I do, so I have every faith that no one can affect me,I trust that the Divine is my only teacher and guide.
'Live and let live'because life is too short to peel a mushroom!
Looks like I'm the one doing the incoherent rambling!!
Yes Ceri, to walk a path, one has to move in a forward direction!
Yes, I agree my friend.I think that was maybe what I was trying to say but in a roundabout sleep deprived way :-)
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