Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Honesty With Self

The motives of ones one self are hard to define. We all do things because we have needs, and we want our needs met. The most pure of friendships exists because we have need of company, or the person brings into our life something that we need, even if just for a passing moment. It's a reciprocal thing, rarely altruistic in nature. So really examining ones own motives is a tough thing, but a necessary requirement. If we can't be honest with ourselves, who can we be honest with?

Calling Goddess to shine Her light into those dark and dusty corners of ones own experience isn't a comfortable thing, but it's a necessary thing. In her book Dion Fortune talks of the problems that could occur should Higher Self manifest in a body that is ill prepared - she cites St Paul being temporarily blinded on the Damascus Road as an example. Again, I shirk a little from the Christian analogy, although it serves a purpose.

There is something serious here. A need to apply oneself to the task in hand, of daring to be honest and frank with self and lowering the mask, even if it is just for me to look at! How honest are we being with ourselves about ourselves? When we are alone, truly alone, are we comfortable with ourselves?

I wrote some time ago about Crowley and how he felt it so important that we should write our own philosophy and be clear about what it was we were seeking and why. It kind of echoes Dion Fortunes words in the Training and Work Of An Initiate, in that she says, so clearly, that it's pivotal we release the bondage of the senses and of the flesh - that our desires become a desire for that true connection with the One Divine Life.

It's not that life ends, it's not that pleasure ends, it's not that fun ends, it's not that we cease to be, rather it's that we start the process of 'becoming', we begin that process of transformation, transition by transition, becoming who we really are. This must start with personal honestly, being clear about motives, where we are and where we want to be. Establishing that foundation of truth and personal integrity.

I'm not sure what's happened in these past few days, but I know that I've taken a step forward, I'm in a new place, yet not entirely sure where I am.

New Moon is coming up and I'm thinking of writing a brief ritual of my desire to move forward, a kind of setting my intention towards initiation, and seeing this grow and develop as the Moon waxes. It's a journey, and the journey of a lifetime, but this does feel like something of a new beginning.


Ceri said...

Andy,just wondering if my comment on this post came through, heavy traffic this morning!

Andy said...

Hi Ceri! No, this is the only comment I have from you. I've found Blogger very slow in recent days.

Ceri said...

will have to do it again tomorrow!just off out

Ceri said...

Still unable to post here, therefore I have responded on my blog.

Anonymous said...

I'm interested in the concept of friendship as non-altruistic - I suppose you're right! However, as long as both parties get equal if different benefits from the friendship, the balance is preserved.

Andy said...

TGW - that's not to put down friendships, I'm just saying that in all things there is a 'pay off' and this is what motivates us - hence the need to evaluate our motivation from time to time.

Ceri - you were probably trying to post too much in a comment box, may be there's a word limit or something, perhaps?

Anonymous said...

Friendship seem certainly to have a wide definition... I hadn't thought about this in quite this way before! Thank you for something to chew over. I think it's important. Something to develop further?

Andy said...

Something to think about and develop further, certainly. I don't want you to think I'm being hard! It's just that when one is exploring motivation, one has to be painfully honest!

Abdur Rahman said...

Peace Andy (and everyone else),

I found my way here from The Green Witch's blog and have been enjoying what I have read.

Intention is such an important thing in relationships - and indeed, in life in general. My own tradition of Islam places very great emphasis on knowing what our intentions are in each act, and in striving to purify/unify them.

With regards to friendship, perhaps a successful friendship is one where each recognises and accepts the needs of the other - that is, the need for companionship, honesty, kindness, acceptance and so on. We all need these things and so perhaps in that sense, it is 'selfish'. But, perhaps there is a good selfishness and a bad selfishness. Bad selfishness would be unhealthy control and an unwillingness to accept the other's needs.

Thank you for a thought-provoking post.

Abdur Rahman

Andy said...

Thank you for your comments, Abdur, and welcome, it's great to see you here!

You make some interesting comments around friendship, and I agree with you. I was not wanting to imply 'selfishness' but simply to say that in a friendship relationship, individual needs are met by the other, therefore there is a payoff, and therefore they cannot be altruistic. I agree that respecting the other, and the needs that they have, whatever they may be, is really important, vital in fact.

I'm pleased you enjoyed my post, and I'm pleased you took the time to comment.