Sunday, 11 May 2008

Scary and Exciting!

I have a feeling that my post today will fall into the 'incoherent rambling' category, but then, I do warn potential readers that my blog may carry such entries on my tag line! Consider yourself warned!

I really feel that I am on a mighty learning curve at the moment, and that this is something Goddess and God really want me to learn. I picked up a book this afternoon (I have a bookshelf full of unread books!) and began to read a little book by Amber K called 'True Magick'. It's a book that I've been drawn to for some time, but the pressure of work, doing up the house, doing the garden and a host of other excuses have kept me from it. All excuses I know, we can make time when we want to I guess.

Anyway, this book seems to take up where I left off from my post yesterday, and from the wonderful comments some of you have been making. I'm only about 70 pages into the little book, but it's as though it's talking directly at me. It's clearly the time for me to be reading it! Part of it confirms stuff that I've known for years and have been taught at various trainings along the way, but it also looks at things from a slightly different angle, or at times from a totally different perspective, and therefore old truths seem fresh.

What's amazing is that these first few pages are covering things that I have been learning directly from Spirit in recent weeks, and have been talking about here in the past week or so.

Firstly, I was once again struck by the fact that the path I walk is a path of personal transformation. I've spoken this week of the Death card being turned in my tarot meditation, and Amber K talks of this in the very first few pages of her book. She talks of the magickal path being one of great courage because each change is what is she calls a 'little death' and each 'little death' is part of rebirth. This is about the surrender of the old self in order to find a greater Life. Typing the words both chill and excite me at the same time. It's exciting because what is actually an act of self-sacrifice; giving up the little-persona self, leads to encountering the Greater Self, and this Greater Self is God/dess, because we are all part of The All. We are, each of us, part of All That Is. Wow, it just blows my mind the more I think of it! It's something I've always known, in my head, but I think that today the reality of it is travelling from my head to my heart and from my heart into my spirit.

Coupled with is I've been struck by the inner relationship between Talking Self (conscious), Younger Self (sub-conscious) and Higher Self (God Self). I've been drawn to the Younger Self today. Some people call it the Lower Self, Freud referred to it as Id. It's pretty amazing that I should fall upon these pages today, following my work with Darkness yesterday. In the Younger Self are my emotions, my feelings, my desires, drives, memories. Also, here in Younger Self is the person I was intended to be before name and form - the Free Child of TA, before adaptation. All those things that are hidden, yet motivate me and my behaviours are in Younger Self.

Just as yesterday I was drawn to explore my dark side and those things that are hidden within shadow so I have been exalted, through the pages of Amber K's book, to establish a relationship with my Younger Self. I'm reading Younger Self as the Child ego state of TA, yet this requires taking things to a much deeper level than the pages of I'm Okay, You're Okay, (a book that I read many, many years ago). Exploring and encountering Younger Self is going to be something of a painful journey. Whilst I consider myself to be very self aware I sense there are things that I am going to be confronted with that may hurt and surprise me, yet I sense this is where I need to be going at the moment. Clearly a pattern for now is coming together and there are things that I need to learn on my path to becoming a Magickal Being. For now it's about getting to know my Younger Self and those aspects of me that have remained hidden, or purposefully buried, for some time. From here is going to flow energy that I've not known the like of before.

It's both scary and exciting!


Anonymous said...

Thrilling and exciting stuff, Andy. Working with the Younger Self - wow, I'd need armbands for that one! :-)

You're certainly going off-piste with this - sending you strength and the peace to be with yourself, even if times get hard and the things that come to light upset you.

I often think though, that regressive work like this can be so affirming and positive - I was musing on my grandfather and his love of gardens and growing vegetables in particular; I was with his just for a brief moment, sitting in his garden in the sun of my early childhood. Wonderful. I wish you moments like this!!

The Shepton Witch said...

Go for it! TA is fine, as far as it goes, though I suspect you will have a much more enthralling and enlightening journey.

I heard something fascinating, well, snippets of, about acting and how we wear masks all the time in our everyday lives, however true we want to be. There is always a persona, an aspect that we have to present, even to ourselves. The programme wasn't about anything particularly spiritual, but it did strike a chord. The speaker mentioned that a child learns to don a mask the moment it acts shy, because every tiny child is perfect and unselfconscious; shyness is a device.

As we peel back the layers, we must see and acknowledge them for what they are; useful devices. Every mask, every layer is true and 'you' in some form or other. I don't think many of us will ever see ourselves as the totally integrated and unfragmented creatures that we are, certainly not in this incarnation for me. I think, though I may be totally wrong, that to be the perfect, unfragmented creatures that we have the potential to be, we must first look inwards and become self conscious and then go beyond that consciousness to become totally un-self conscious, facing out and not in need of the devices we use to get by with.

Crumbs, this has turned into a bit of a mad ramble by the mad old Witch of Shepton {blushes and offers soapbox to everyone else}!

Andy said...

Thanks for your comments, I really do appreciate the words of wisdom you bring to my journey. I think that the 'devices' as you call them, SW, are useful and we do need them from time to time. In my job I have to 'slip into role' on many occasions and I don't think I would be able to do my job if I were not able to do so. However, I think the problem arises when we lose ourselves, our true selves, in the midst of all this. Also, to become truly Magickal one needs to know oneself and ones inner landscape, the hills and the valleys within, not in some kind of sentimental way, but in a way that lends itself to inner relationship for this is be bedrock of magickal practice. So I agree, we need these useful devices, without them we would be lost and vulnerable, but I think we need a huge dose of self awareness when using them, or things just get too complicated!