Tuesday, 29 April 2008


"My first counsel is this: Possess a pure, kindly and radiant heart, that there may be a sovereignty ancient, imperishable and everlasting"

Baha'u'llah (1817 - 1892)

It seems really odd for me to be posting a quote from the Baha'i faith, but when I read this it really struck me. It's funny, as I read more about people's thoughts and feelings around paganism, witchcraft and magick I seem to find just how rich and varied are the thoughts and views held by practitioners. The one that has hit me the most powerfully recently is the separation between religion and magick. This quote, although not associated with a magickal path speaks to me of the outcome I would want to see for myself from my own spiritual path.

I don't think one has to walk a religious path to practice magick or to be magickal. I don't think for one moment that religion is for everyone, but what I do feel, deep inside myself, is a continual draw towards Spirit, to someone greater than me. I have a conviction that I am a spiritual person, yet the roots, practice and outworking of my own spiritual practice are pagan in nature and do not form part of any organised religion - ancient or modern. I don't like labels or pigeonholing, I resist such labels as they only work to restrict and hinder. However, balanced with this is a need to respect ones path and tradition and I am increasingly aware of this.

I'm thinking of the comments I made a few days ago about the importance of a personal and identifiable philosophy, and mine is based upon a deep awareness of Goddess and God, of the Divine encompassing the sacred male and female, not so much in a sense of balance, but in relationship, in unity. Not one needing the other, not in a power struggle between patriarchy and matriarchy, but rather a deep united relationship of creativity and power - a union that brings life. It also brings profound change. This relationship is evidenced in all nature.

The kindly, pure and radiant heart evolves from the experience of this relationship. From encountering the Divine, releasing the Divine within and from allowing the light of fire to burn deep into ones own soul and experience. For me this can only bring change and transformation on a deep and profound level. One cannot experience Divinity and remain unchanged. This isn't all love and light, it's about profound and deep experience.

From all this comes that ancient sense of imperishable and everlasting Sovereignty - that authority, that freedom, that rightful status. It's what I call the New Birthright and this flows from that point of initiation.

And initiation, it increasingly seems to me, is a continual process!

Monday, 28 April 2008

Do Not Strive!

I came across this quote on a pagan newsletter today:

"Magick DOES happen, if you believe!"

and it bothered me.

I obviously believe in magick, and I consider myself a magickal person, although I would say that I am growing in this field and would not hold my hand up to be any kind of expert. However, one thing that I feel I have been shown very clearly is that magick comes not from some kind of fervent belief, but from a deep and profound inner conviction of ones own true Will. For me that means an inner realisation of ones own sense of being - who I am, who I was intended to be before my adaptations to the molding of this world.

For me, this emphasis upon 'believing' has echoes of Christian spirituality. Now, don't get me wrong, even though I disagree with almost every Christian precept, I would defend the right for anyone to be able to walk their path free from persecution. I also accept that all paths draw from each other, to a lesser or greater extent, and this does not mean that I subscribe to spiritual 'pick and mix' belief system! However, and it's a big however, this quote could almost have come from the mouth of Jesus ("anything is possible to he who believes" Jesus is alleged to have said). From this we have seen, down through the years, a kind of almost neurotic, desperate searching for fulfillment and answers from an army of Christian followers and this is best illustrated in Charismatic worship, where hands are lifted high above heads in a kind of desperate attempt to reach out to God. To me, this is not spirituality.

No. For me my biggest realisation has been that I do not need to seek, strive, search or reach out. I simply just have to relax into the reality of who and what I am. This is not to mean that I can avoid dedication and effort, not at all, any student is only as good as her or his commitment, but this dedication comes not from some kind of desperation, but from a place of inner conviction and knowledge of ones place on the web of life.

So don't get caught up in some kind of pseudo-Christian striving, just relax into the reality of who you were intended to be!

Sunday, 27 April 2008

It's Not Easy

It's been a funny old weekend. Weekends usually are! I've felt quite tired really and have spent most of my time doing very little. Had a good night out on Friday and had a nice meal with my parents last night.

I'm feeling a little anxious about a hospital appointment. I've been having some nose and throat problems and now they need to be investigated and I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't a little anxious about the appointment. The appointment is bad enough, but I also have to find a hospital in a different town, and I've no idea where it is! This is all part of the NHS having to keep waiting lists down - you just get sent to where there's an available appointment. If this whole thing wasn't stressful enough I have to find a strange hospital in a strange town. Ah well!

I'm keeping a sense of perspective about this but the fact that I've no idea what the tests are going to involve also bothers me somewhat. It's all very strange.

My plan is to get there as early as I possibly can, allowing myself plenty of time to get lost! I can then spend some time in the car getting into a stable and strong spiritual place so as opposed to being buffeted about by all this I will be in personal control. This is a real test for me. I need to somehow rise above these natural and human concerns to a higher level. It's not easy - but no one ever said it was!

Thursday, 24 April 2008


I'm sensing a restlessness within me. It's like I've been at a certain spiritual level for some time and I've reached a plateaux. I can either stay at this comfortable place, or move on. To move on is a challenge, but it will bring so much of worth and value, to stay where I am is to stagnate. I know that I need to grow as opposed to simply tread water.

I want to move into a deeper and richer experience of the Lord and Lady. I can see that some of this is about daring to take up my rightful place in terms of stepping into and having confidence in my new birthright. To actually start moving in my Priesthood in a real and powerful way. Balanced with this is my mindfulness of not operating out of ego, but in spirit. It's not about self promotion on any level, but it is about stepping into the reality of who I am.

I sense that I am on the threshold of something new and deeper. My intuition will deepen, my psychic abilities grow and this gifts will come to the fore as I use them to serve and they will flourish from a place of dedication and spiritual work.

I sense that Beltane is going to be significant for me this year.

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

The Dance Of Life

Creative energy flows from the union of the Lord and Lady. This divine and sacred union brings forth life, all life, and creativity. As a child of the Goddess, this same creativity manifests within me and therefore I can bring this same life, this same creativity to given situations. As I step into the reality and the power of this truth so it becomes the bedrock of my spiritual practice.

I am a Child of this union, this ecstatic coming together in passion. My life flows from this union and life and creative energy flows from me as a result.

This is initiation - the realisation and the entering into of my new birthright. The place of my true birth and the stepping into of my true self.

I belong as part of the Dance Of Life!

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Sacred Union

As a gay man I have often had problems exploring the union of the Goddess and God, yet somehow this morning I was powerfully aware of this. As Beltane approaches I am becoming increasingly aware of this magickal union. More so, the fact that Goddess and God reside within me, and therefore this powerful creativity can flow from me. It's a time of change, a time of initiation, of power, of love and passion.

I have a sense of Beltane being a time where I am called to dedicate once again to the Lord and Lady, and is so doing I welcome, invite and evoke this divine union, and the fruit of this sacred union, within me. This is a time of rebirth and of taking my own spiritual journey to a new level.

Monday, 21 April 2008


I have had a big challenge from the Lord and Lady via the tarot - the challenge of motivation, commitment and dedication. Here I have discovered the importance of the work. No quick fixes, no shortcuts, but rather a real dedication to walk my path. I seek to know and understand, and it's this commitment to the journey, and my dedication to the Lord and Lady that I have reaffirmed today.

Saturday, 19 April 2008

Growing in Strength

Walking ones path takes one down many twists and turns, and I spoke of blind alleys just the other day. It's easy to walk with ones eyes wide shut, and I am keen to not only have my eyes wide open, but to also know and trust my third eye - to test that which presents itself to me for spiritual authenticity. I've had my fingers burned a few times in this respect, not just spiritually, but from people claiming to be of spirit, when this clearly was not the truth at all. Spiritual discernment, intuition, all these things work together to make a person a spiritually strong and sound person and this is where I want to be. Growing in spiritual stature makes a person strong, and strong minded to boot, and I am aware of this inner strength, this powerful sense of self, growing within me the more I journey with the Gods. This inner strength comes from a growing sense of destiny, a growing awareness of Goddess and God and an ever developing sense of who I am and who I was called to be. A sense of my own true Will. It's an ever evolving relationship with Spirit, and with Self, who is Spirit!

Thursday, 17 April 2008

The Ecstatic Embrace of the Divine

I was reading an article yesterday that was talking about the need to be clear as to what ones philosophy is. I found this interesting, because it is important to be able to articulate ones standpoint, the basis from which one operates. Spiritually this is vital, as it provides an anchor, a firm foundation from which one lives, moves and has ones being.

My personal philosophy is simply that I have a desire, a need, almost, to know and experience what I once read as being the 'ecstatic embrace of the Divine.' This has been something of a life journey and it has taken me on many and varied pathways - most of them dead ends! I have a hunger to know and be known, that is, to truly know myself and to know the Divine. I also know that this will not come from any kind of organised, man made religion, and neither will it come from any kind of neurotic searching or striving. It comes, rather, from exploring the connection that already exists.

This journey is giving me a deep sense of myself and an ability to stand in my own power, to truly know my will and to assert this in a spiritual as well as a natural sense. I don't have to apologise for who or what I am, in fact I don't have to apologise about anything at all.

I also have an ever growing sense of my own gifts and calling. I've had confirmation today, via my tarot meditations, that I have gifts and abilities that require nurturing and through this nurture I will bring into this world the manifestation of those gifts.

Things are really moving!

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

Getting Deeper

My sense of my connection with the elements is continuing this week and this is bringing with it a strong sense of connection with all things. I have a strong sense of all things being on the web of life, each having their role to play and I am on this web but also part of the web. Separate in the sense that I am here for my own unique purpose, yet part of it and connected with it because my actions (and indeed lack of them) affect everyone on the web. It's like a ripple effect, reverberating down the line, both for positive and for negative.

It's weird, as in some ways I feel as though I'm being called back to basics, revisiting old ground, yet at the same time it's deeper and more real than before. It's like dust and chaff are being blown away and I'm seeing the reality of things for the first time - or perhaps with fresh vision.

Changes are taking place in the sense that I'm shifting into a deeper appreciation and experience of my spirituality and having a real sense of moving away from reliance on my physical sense and moving into a deeper reliance on my intuition, watching and listening, but not just with my eyes and ears. And this isn't about fluffy nonsense, it's about true connection and experience. It's like I'm picking up tools and gifts that I was given so long ago, but suddenly they're seeming all new again!

I think in here too is the fact that I'm relearning. Here are lessons that I was presented with some time ago, but perhaps then I didn't give the full attention that was required, so here I am being presented with them once again, but this time the lesson is hitting home at a far deeper and more profound level. The journey is deeper this time.

Tuesday, 15 April 2008

The Elements

I am a Child of the Earth. I am connected to the Underworld, the place of transformation. Here I experience death, rebirth and new life. As a Child of the Earth I can know the deep mysteries of earth. Earth is a place of nurture, of belonging. It is home. Earth sustains and feeds, it brings growth and strength. Earth provides all I need for life, for growth and for development. Earth anchors and provides rich fertile land for the development of my own spiritual and natural potential. Earth can be wild and free.

I am a Child of Air. I can connect to the mysteries of my ancestors and hear their voices whispered on the East wind. I can know beyond that of natural limitations and Air will bring illumination and inspiration. Air will provide insight and deep wisdom as Owl, my Power Animal, who glides on air, leads and guides. Air brings change, and sometimes sudden change, the most unpredictable of the elements, causing me to learn to go with the flow and not remain cemented in rigid routine.

I am a Child of Fire. The fires of renewal, the fires of transformation. Fire burns away the ties that bind. Fire melts the hardest of metal, allowing it to hammered out on Weyland's Smithy, changed, renewed, transformed. Fire provides light when it's almost impossible to know where to place my feet. Fire provides heat, sustaining and preserving life. Fire is the most spiritual of the elements and I can burn with spiritual passion and strength.

I am a Child of Water. I can connect with my emotions, knowing the emotions that are mine, and those that do not belong to me. I can know deep intuition, feeling and experiencing things beyond my natural cognitive powers. Water brings revelation of my true Self, the person I was intended to be, before name and form. Water brings calm and stillness, yet at the same time incredible strength and power.

These things are my birthright as a Child of the Goddess and God and I can move into the experience of these things in reality.

Monday, 14 April 2008

The God

This morning I set my intention to meet the God. I cast my circle elementally and invoked the Lord and Lady and then journeyed to meet the God. I felt drawn to do this using a slow single drum beat that got gently faster and louder. As the drum beat faster so I became increasingly aware of the energy of the God.

He is the very spark of life itself and the celebration of life. His energy is wild and free, of carefree abandonment and of living in the Now. He is untamed and untamable, uninhibited, unrestricted. He cannot be fenced in, contained or adapted. The God laughs at our attempts to bring order and containment as he is unpredictable, strong and determined. He cannot be controlled or contained. He is the Divine spark of Life that sets life in motion.

The God brings connection with my primal self - my sexual self.

He is the Lord of Nature, lover of the Goddess, protector of witches and friend of animals. As Lord of Nature he is the fertile land, the bringer and giver of life, of change, of growth, of development - but all outside the control of man.

Sunday, 13 April 2008

Sunday Evenings

Sunday evenings are always odd. There's that feeling of a weekend over and the sense of looking into a new week ahead. It's so easy to get caught into the sense of 'another week to get through' syndrome, when the alternative is to have a sense of 'what will this week offer?' and perhaps even 'what can I bring to this week?' It's hard, as I know there are some tough meetings coming up and there's so much that needs to be sorted, organised and managed at work, and at the same time there is so much spiritual stuff that I want to get to grips with. I know I have more work to do in regard of encountering the God and really experiencing the Sacred Male. I know there is something special about releasing that Sacred Union within me, and this is something that I really want to experience.

I've also got about 5 million books around the house that I want to read . . . !

Saturday, 12 April 2008

Julie Felix

I'm just back from seeing Julie Felix in concert at the David Hall, South Petherton. This was the first time I've seen Julie perform live, and she was amazing. What's even more incredible is that she is 70 years old in a few months!

I loved lots of things about her set, especially with how she sang of the spiritual side of her life alongside her lifelong campaign for peace. A campaign that has taken her on marches across the world, singing her songs of protest and love. What this showed me this evening was the spiritual path that we walk must have an outcome that that flows from the discovery of ourselves and our relationship with the Gods, it must also propel us into action - whatever that action may be. The action that is right for us, the action that is informed by our path. I am not talking of pious, self righteous 'good works', but I am talking of the hand of the Goddess reaching out to others, through us, in a very real way, in whatever way that may be. I don't think that this is something that we should be compelled to do, either. I kind of think that for each of us, as we grow spiritually, we will want to serve the Earth that sustains us, the people, plants and animals that we share this planet with and our our First Parents in some way. There is something about the servant heart that grows and flows from the Initiate.

Friday, 11 April 2008

Divine Union

God energy is really evident at the moment. The God at this time is maturing into a young man and his hormones are everywhere! He is strong, determined, lusty, loving, powerful yet protective, compassionate, caring. His desires are strong, his love full. There is relationship, union, oneness in the divine ecstasy between Goddess and God.

And this union is within me as Goddess and God are immanent - the fruitfulness of this union exists, resides, echoes and reverberates within me. There is creation here, power here, the room and capacity for dynamic change and transformation. This is powerful stuff and the possibilities are endless as I move into the dynamism of this relationship.

Thursday, 10 April 2008

In Car Meditation!

I've been having to start work early the past couple days and I've been missing my morning spiritual practice. I like to call to Sulis each morning, and also the Lord of the Wildwood and I also use Tarot as a meditative tool. I find this really helps focus and ground me for the day I love giving the time for the Lord and Lady to speak directly into my life in this way, and for that relationship to be nurtured. So when things take me away from that, I miss it and feel a sense of loss because of it. I've been trying to master chanting in the car whilst travelling! It's not quite the same however, but I'm sure there's some kind of in car meditative technique that I can master to cope with times such as this!

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

Enjoying This Incarnation

Someone said to me this week "but we have to live in the middle world, even though it's hard for us." I guess there is something that longs to be free from the restrictions and limitations this present incarnation brings, yet I'm also very aware that the only thing that holds me back is me! This world is a gift, and in my way of seeing things, is also the incarnation of the Divine. Christians have a Bible, Nature is my bible in that sense, so I want to enjoy this world in the way that it was meant to be enjoyed and also in the way that I was meant to enjoy it. At the same time, I want to learn to really live, move and have my being elementally and energetically - to move in a magickal way. So I'm not over eager to shake off this incarnation, I want to fully know and experience all this present incarnation was meant to teach me before I move on.

Tuesday, 8 April 2008


Journeying to meet The God this morning I was aware of a creative energy, an energy that initiates, causes things to happen, to start and to change - it was all about creativity, beginning things - giving life. Life itself. I was aware that I was only just beginning to get something of a minute glimpse, but there was also the realisation that as the God is immanent, just like Goddess, so this creative force, this same energy, resides within me. Again, it's not about a reaching out, but a journeying in. a discovery of birthright, of inheritance, and a moving into a place where I am able to move into the fulness of this. This energy, this same creative force, is there, within. There is a responsibility here and I think, somehow, I'm just beginning to appreciate the depth of this.

Monday, 7 April 2008

Embracing the God

I heard the call to embrace the God more fully today. It's something that I've heard before, but somehow I feel I have a need to not only explore, but also encounter the energy of the Lord of the Wildwood to a far deeper level than before. There's something about his wild, free running energy, his unpredictability, his raw, untamed power. The spirit of the cloven hoof is running wild on the land and I'm being called to dance to his tune to a more profound level than before. There's something really exciting about this, but at the same time it's a little scary. The God, whose spirit is incarnated in Nature, is wild and untamed, free and determined - the call to connect more deeply is in some ways unnerving, yet at the same time it's a call that I cannot ignore.

Sunday, 6 April 2008

Burrow Hill

For all the indoor meditation and ceremony one can engage in, for me there is nothing quite like walking the land. Just being out there, connecting with Nature, being able to touch, sense, feel and experience it is second to none.

Today the wind was blowing like crazy, snow was in the air, it was really freezing, but it was wonderful. The sun was breaking through dark skies and with the speed of the wind, those dark skies were suddenly clear blue, and then dark again, quite incredible. I just love it, I love being outside.

I know that I'm well blessed to live in such a lovely part of the world. South Somerset, in the South West of the UK, is just so very beautiful and it's so easy to take this special place for granted. We also have a large number of sacred sites.

Today I took a walk around a place that has always been special to me. Like Glastonbury Tor, Burrow Hill, in Kingsbury Episcopi, just outside Martock, Somerset, can be seen from miles around. It is a large hill, with a single tree on the top of the hill, and the tree looks out at the amazing surrounding countryside. I made a brief video of it today:

As you can hear, the wind was in full force!

There is something magical about standing on high ground. Calling to the Lord and Lady here this morning was a beautiful experience and even though my extremities were freezing to the point of frostbite, I am really glad I made the effort to visit!

Friday, 4 April 2008

I Am My Path

I'm at a place of taking stock after a period of stepping back and evaluating. I've clearly been led into a still quiet place for a reason, and I think, quite simply, that part of the reason, possibly even the majority of it, is to show me not just that such a place exists, but that I am able to enter it. That me, who has such a chattering mind, can enter this still quiet place and commune with Spirit and with myself. This place allows me to survey where I am and where I am going, but with the focus not on results, not on purpose, but on a sense of 'being.' This is not, however, a place of inactivity, on the contrary, it is a place of discovery, a place of deep and profound spiritual experience. It is where my being, my true self, is able to begin the journey of discovering my dynamic nature and where I begin to take steps on the process of coming to know and understand my own True Will, my True Self. I'm seeing this as a process, and not an event - it's a path, a journey, a process of continual discovery. It's not about what I do, it's not about what I achieve, it's not about the result, it's about 'being' and understanding how my true Nature manifests in my life. I sense also a kind of alignment, that is, the more time I spend in communion with Spirit the more I gain glimpses, a deeper appreciation of my true self - my course, my path - because I am my path.

Thursday, 3 April 2008

The Still Quiet Place

I seem to spend so much time 'doing' that I forget to 'be'. It's so easy to get caught up the demands placed upon me, and to spend my time responding to them that who and what I am gets lost in the midst of all this. The working day demands so much, and then there are different things that require attention at home, that before I know it I'm a 'human doing' and not a 'human being'. I find it so easy to think that frenetic activity brings results - and this is simply a trap that has the result of yielding nothing.

This morning I was so aware of entering that still, quiet place. It's not about battle, not even battle for time, it's not about trying to appease opposing forces and it's not about physical energy, or even earnest desire, it's about entering the Temple - the Inner Temple.

I was conscious of the element of water this morning, that deep, profound, still, mighty ocean. It can appear calm, still, almost as though nothing is happening, and yet it contains so much life and it has such strength, incredible depth and such power. This morning I relaxed into this, consciously letting go of effort, of trying and letting all those clamouring voices and anxieties go. Inside, deep inside there is my Inner Voice, my True Self, and there is something about entering that quiet place where my Inner Voice can be heard. It's about making connection with Me and in this knowing myself and my true will. Any kind of magickal work has to start here - with really knowing and understanding who I am - more than that, who I was intended to be, before name and before form.

In some ways it sounds corny, but I did see my true self, my inner self, as a very small candle flame, as something that needs nurture to grow in stature, strength and power. My attention was then shifted to the element of Fire and my little candle flame grew into a pillar of fire, of pure spiritual energy.

What wasn't lost on me was Sulis, my Goddess, who is Goddess of water and also of fire. As I embrace Her, this great Mother Goddess more fully, so I will more fully know my own true self.

Wednesday, 2 April 2008


This morning was really interesting as I had confirmation that Owl is my Power Animal. Owl is a bird of the Dark, of the Night, who shows me my shadow side. This is a shadow side that provides balance, that sense of justice and of truth. Owl in myth and legend is associated with endings and death, but also new beginnings. Owl brings that deep insight, that wisdom and knowledge.

Owl also shows me what is true, what is of me and what is not, what is illusion and what is really an element or aspect of what and who I am. Many things present themselves, and appear to be of me, or things present as turns on a path that I feel I should take, but then in reality they appear to be only distraction. Things that appear right, appear attractive, or call to me as truth, when tested, prove false and mere illusion. They only lead to a dead end. If they are not of me, not of my Will, then they will lead to lack of fruitfulness. I am learning the lesson of spiritual testing.

This is so timely, as it fits in so perfectly with all that has been speaking to me recently. This is a time of real, powerful, and thorough spiritual examination, an inner cleansing, a letting go, emptying out, seeing what is of me and what is not. This comes not from effort, not from seeking, not from a neurotic, paranoid, desperate reaching out. It is not about human effort in that sense, but rather a calm, reflective time in Divine presence, allowing the Lord and Lady to really show me who I am before name and form and leading me to that place of true purpose and awareness. It’s about Divine Communion and the answers that flow from that spiritual encounter.

It’s also about being honest with myself!

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

"Do What Thou Wilt"

I've been thinking a lot about the statement "do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law." It's been echoing around in my head so much in recent weeks. I can't begin to understand this statement fully, in fact I think that I am only just starting to fathom it, just stepping into some kind of spiritually immature understanding. "do what thou wilt" doesn't mean "do what you want" - not at all. What it is about, I think, is discovering not even ones true purpose, but rather, perhaps, who one is - or more correctly, who one was intended to be. I have a path, a purpose - we all do. "We are all stars" and we all move in our course, and it's this pure will that is Divine will, so my spiritual path is about understanding and knowing that will and moving into it, and in that coming together, that Divine Union, is rapture. It's like a moving into my divine purpose, the true understanding of who and what I am - what I was called and intended to be, and within this special place flows true freedom and liberty. It all sounds so easy, but it seems like it's anything but at the moment!